Just TeeNz
Dear Diary ( Resist)
admin at June 3, 2009 : 9:57 pm -->
I’m completely astounded by Jasper’s control. For the longest time, he struggled to adjust to the ‘vegetarian’ diet. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure if he would ever entirely gain full control over his thirst. In reality, none of us can guarantee that we’ll always be able to control the overwhelming, burning, blistering thirst - but Jasper definitely had the most difficult time… until now.
I went hunting with Jasper today, alone. Edward and Alice had gone together the day before. I wasn’t thirsty at the time, though, so I stayed back with Jacob and Nessie. Today was a different story. The torches in my throat wouldn’t burn out. As the day went by, they grew bigger - spreading like a forest fire. I know why, though. I took Nessie to the beach so she could play, skip rocks, do normal kid things. What I didn’t realize, though, was that there was a big charity event taking place down at the water. Despite the fact that it was overcast and drizzling rain - the event continued. I couldn’t turn around and take Nessie back home after getting her excited to go, so of course, I followed through with my promise to her.
There were people everywhere. The piercing, dry burn in my throat would get more intense every time someone would run past me, the wind carrying their almost sweet scent through my nose and into my throat. People stared a lot, too. I can’t decide if they’re staring because I’m pale and almost obviously inhuman, or because I look too young to have a daughter. Maybe both.
After Renesmee and I left the park, I knew I had to hunt. Jasper was thirsty, too, so we went together. While we were looking for our victims, the deer, we saw a small line of about seven to ten humans running though the forest. They all had those high tech runners on, and water bottles strapped to their fanny packs. At first, Jasper froze. He was extremely thirsty, his eyes looked like endless black holes.
The athletic - looking lady at the very back of the line of joggers fell. I could have saved her fall, but I didn’t. Any human in their right mind would wonder how I got over to her so fast. I didn’t know if I could trust myself to be that close to her, either.
I could tell Jasper was holding his breath. I wanted to tell him to run, to avoid what could have been a disaster in the blink of an eye. I didn’t say anything, though. I didn’t want to startle him. I didn’t want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
The jogger was alright, just bleeding badly. Her blood dripped expeditiously down her pale skin. The smell was dangerously fragrant. Even I didn’t know how I was controlling myself. I was more focused on Jasper, I guess. I kept my eyes on him, only glancing at the injured woman for about half a second at a time - not looking at the blood helped, a bit.
No one saw us. We were crouching under a tree that had a large tree stump bent over the front of it, a fallen tree. We were far enough away that they couldn’t hear Jasper’s growls, or my hisses. Of course, we could see them just as clearly as we could if they were standing a foot in front of us. When I allowed myself a peek, I could see each drop of blood squeezing out of the torn skin on her calf. I could see bark from the tree stump she fell on in her wound. Each and every single drop of blood that made it’s way out of her body was excruciatingly tempting.
Jasper turned in the opposite direction and began to run, fast. It took me a second to catch up because I stood there for a good ten seconds, shocked. He resisted. Even though he was painfully thirsty, even though he was standing that close to a bleeding human, her scent intoxicating him.
We were on top of a cliff by the time Jasper stopped running. Before I had a chance to even say anything, he’d grabbed, attacked and eaten a deer. No mess. Perfectly executed. Almost instantly after his meal, he calmed down. His jaw loosened up, his face no longer looked enraged.
I couldn’t think of what to say first. I didn’t want to tell him I was proud of him, that would be too Motherly. I didn’t want to seem too shocked, either - that would make it seem like I didn’t think he had any control at all. Luckily he said something first. “Before, when I almost killed you, I felt more ashamed than ever. If I would have attacked you, I would not have only killed you - but I would have taken Edward’s life, too. I was selfish, out of control. Every time I think about the fact that I almost took your life, and Edward’s life, I feel weak. Ashamed.” He paused for a moment and I suddenly felt calm. “You complete Edward the same way I complete Alice. If someone killed Alice, I wouldn’t even want to exist anymore. I couldn’t exist without her. I hope you know that since that night of your Birthday, I’ve been forcing myself to control my thirst. Forcing myself to be stronger.” He looked up at me, his expression flooded with sincerity.
It took me a minute to muster up a response to everything Jasper had just said. I couldn’t believe how much he was bothered by the almost accident, still. I reassured him that he was one hundred percent forgiven. “Jasper, I promise you that no one sees you as weak, or out of control. Any one of us could do the same thing. You’re clearly in control now. You could have had that woman, had her for dinner. You controlled your thirst, though. Jasper, when you ran… that was amazing.” I half smiled, hoping to shift the mood.
After I caught myself a deer, we headed back to the Cullen house where Edward was playing something on the piano that sounded like it was straight from heaven. He’s been working on Nessi’s lullaby. Jacob pretends not to like it - but he’s just envious of Edward’s talent. He sees how Renesmee’s eyes light up every time Edward sits down at the piano, and he wishes he was the one playing the songs that make her happy. Jacob does make her happy, though. Everyday. Actually, she’s happiest anytime he’s around. I wont tell him that though, it might get to his head.
Jasper reiterated his story to everyone, keeping his focus on Edward, almost like he was indirectly apologizing to him. This really was Jasper’s way of making up for my Birthday, when he almost had me for dinner. He can’t change what he did, so he’s trying to show everyone he’s learned from it. He feels stronger, more in control now.
We can never guarantee that we’ll always be able to resist, but we’ll suffer trying. I’m just happy we have Jasper on board now. Alice is, too. Lets just say she rewarded him.
-Bella
admin at June 3, 2009 : 9:57 pm -->
I’m completely astounded by Jasper’s control. For the longest time, he struggled to adjust to the ‘vegetarian’ diet. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure if he would ever entirely gain full control over his thirst. In reality, none of us can guarantee that we’ll always be able to control the overwhelming, burning, blistering thirst - but Jasper definitely had the most difficult time… until now.
I went hunting with Jasper today, alone. Edward and Alice had gone together the day before. I wasn’t thirsty at the time, though, so I stayed back with Jacob and Nessie. Today was a different story. The torches in my throat wouldn’t burn out. As the day went by, they grew bigger - spreading like a forest fire. I know why, though. I took Nessie to the beach so she could play, skip rocks, do normal kid things. What I didn’t realize, though, was that there was a big charity event taking place down at the water. Despite the fact that it was overcast and drizzling rain - the event continued. I couldn’t turn around and take Nessie back home after getting her excited to go, so of course, I followed through with my promise to her.
There were people everywhere. The piercing, dry burn in my throat would get more intense every time someone would run past me, the wind carrying their almost sweet scent through my nose and into my throat. People stared a lot, too. I can’t decide if they’re staring because I’m pale and almost obviously inhuman, or because I look too young to have a daughter. Maybe both.
After Renesmee and I left the park, I knew I had to hunt. Jasper was thirsty, too, so we went together. While we were looking for our victims, the deer, we saw a small line of about seven to ten humans running though the forest. They all had those high tech runners on, and water bottles strapped to their fanny packs. At first, Jasper froze. He was extremely thirsty, his eyes looked like endless black holes.
The athletic - looking lady at the very back of the line of joggers fell. I could have saved her fall, but I didn’t. Any human in their right mind would wonder how I got over to her so fast. I didn’t know if I could trust myself to be that close to her, either.
I could tell Jasper was holding his breath. I wanted to tell him to run, to avoid what could have been a disaster in the blink of an eye. I didn’t say anything, though. I didn’t want to startle him. I didn’t want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
The jogger was alright, just bleeding badly. Her blood dripped expeditiously down her pale skin. The smell was dangerously fragrant. Even I didn’t know how I was controlling myself. I was more focused on Jasper, I guess. I kept my eyes on him, only glancing at the injured woman for about half a second at a time - not looking at the blood helped, a bit.
No one saw us. We were crouching under a tree that had a large tree stump bent over the front of it, a fallen tree. We were far enough away that they couldn’t hear Jasper’s growls, or my hisses. Of course, we could see them just as clearly as we could if they were standing a foot in front of us. When I allowed myself a peek, I could see each drop of blood squeezing out of the torn skin on her calf. I could see bark from the tree stump she fell on in her wound. Each and every single drop of blood that made it’s way out of her body was excruciatingly tempting.
Jasper turned in the opposite direction and began to run, fast. It took me a second to catch up because I stood there for a good ten seconds, shocked. He resisted. Even though he was painfully thirsty, even though he was standing that close to a bleeding human, her scent intoxicating him.
We were on top of a cliff by the time Jasper stopped running. Before I had a chance to even say anything, he’d grabbed, attacked and eaten a deer. No mess. Perfectly executed. Almost instantly after his meal, he calmed down. His jaw loosened up, his face no longer looked enraged.
I couldn’t think of what to say first. I didn’t want to tell him I was proud of him, that would be too Motherly. I didn’t want to seem too shocked, either - that would make it seem like I didn’t think he had any control at all. Luckily he said something first. “Before, when I almost killed you, I felt more ashamed than ever. If I would have attacked you, I would not have only killed you - but I would have taken Edward’s life, too. I was selfish, out of control. Every time I think about the fact that I almost took your life, and Edward’s life, I feel weak. Ashamed.” He paused for a moment and I suddenly felt calm. “You complete Edward the same way I complete Alice. If someone killed Alice, I wouldn’t even want to exist anymore. I couldn’t exist without her. I hope you know that since that night of your Birthday, I’ve been forcing myself to control my thirst. Forcing myself to be stronger.” He looked up at me, his expression flooded with sincerity.
It took me a minute to muster up a response to everything Jasper had just said. I couldn’t believe how much he was bothered by the almost accident, still. I reassured him that he was one hundred percent forgiven. “Jasper, I promise you that no one sees you as weak, or out of control. Any one of us could do the same thing. You’re clearly in control now. You could have had that woman, had her for dinner. You controlled your thirst, though. Jasper, when you ran… that was amazing.” I half smiled, hoping to shift the mood.
After I caught myself a deer, we headed back to the Cullen house where Edward was playing something on the piano that sounded like it was straight from heaven. He’s been working on Nessi’s lullaby. Jacob pretends not to like it - but he’s just envious of Edward’s talent. He sees how Renesmee’s eyes light up every time Edward sits down at the piano, and he wishes he was the one playing the songs that make her happy. Jacob does make her happy, though. Everyday. Actually, she’s happiest anytime he’s around. I wont tell him that though, it might get to his head.
Jasper reiterated his story to everyone, keeping his focus on Edward, almost like he was indirectly apologizing to him. This really was Jasper’s way of making up for my Birthday, when he almost had me for dinner. He can’t change what he did, so he’s trying to show everyone he’s learned from it. He feels stronger, more in control now.
We can never guarantee that we’ll always be able to resist, but we’ll suffer trying. I’m just happy we have Jasper on board now. Alice is, too. Lets just say she rewarded him.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Beautiful Nightmare)admin
at May 27, 2009 : 7:24 pm -->
Hey everyone. As promised, I have typed out an older diary entry for you. The following entry is from before my life completely changed - before him.-Bella Even on days when I’m feeling more down than usual, the smell of fresh cut grass and the hot pavement below my feet seems to brighten up my day, somehow. The rare breeze blowing from the leaves of the fully bloomed trees feels almost euphoric against the smoldering heat. The best thing about phoenix, though, is that it’s a vigorous, booming city - full of opportunity. I’m going to miss it. I’ve made up my mind, though. After contemplating it over and over, and changing my mind a few times, I’ve finally decided to move to… Forks. Even the name is boring. Plain. Simple. I know this is going to make my life miserable. I wont have the blazing sun pouring over me anymore, or the smell of the fresh flowers in Renee’s garden to cheer me up almost instantly. Instead, I’ll have the sloshy, cold rain. Clouds. Snow. Great. Last September my Mother, Renee, got remarried. Her new husbands name is Phil, and he’s slightly on the young side… but she’s happy. Phil travels a lot. He’s a baseball player - minor league. While I know Renee is trying to manage a balancing act between Phil and me, I can see that she’s not happy when she’s away from Phil - so, I’m sending myself to live with Charlie, my Father. I’m going to pretend to be happy about it, too. Charlie has had an extremely hard time with his divorce from Renee. Though so many years have passed, he’s never moved on. Last time I visited Charlie in Forks, he still had their wedding photo up. I think he looses himself in his work, to try to keep his mind off the painful void. Charlie is the Chief of Police to the people of Forks. Chief Swan. Somehow, I can already picture everyone referring to me as “the chief’s daughter” once I move to Forks. I don’t move for another month. I’m giving myself enough time to say goodbye to my life here. I want to soak up every last ray of light that I can. I want to lay on the grass in my backyard, with a book and look up to see the cloudless sky. I want to take in the city. The noise. I love it here - if I could bottle up a little piece of the city and bring it with me, I would. Although I don’t have a lot of good friends, there are a couple of people I will miss. I’ll miss my lab partner, Alex. We’ve never hung out together after school or anything, but I would consider Alex one of my best in school buddies. He’s a great lab partner, too. Today we had to separate slides of Whitefish Blastula cells into the appropriate phases of mitosis they represented. Although this would have normally been an exceedingly boring task, Alex made it fun by making corny jokes about mitosis. I’ve never liked Alex ‘that way,’ though. He’s a little on the nerdy side for me. I’m not sure what my type is, actually, but I know he’s not it. The hardest goodbye I’ll have to prepare for, of course, is Renee. She’s pretty much more of a friend to me than a Mother… and I’m going to miss her. I want to spend some time with her before I move. I want to make sure she’ll be okay without me, too. I know she has Phil now, but he’ll be busy - I just want to make sure her erratic, sometimes anomalous nature doesn’t get her into trouble. I promised her I would keep in touch frequently, though. And I will. This is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Starting a semester half way through isn’t exactly ideal. Becoming the 358th student at Forks High doesn’t excite me, at all. Leaving my favorite summer clothing behind and replacing them with thick coats, cardigans and sweaters isn’t exactly ideal, either. Right now, I have a lot of questions. I wonder if I’ll make friends in Forks. How welcoming everyone will - or wont be. I wonder if everyone is going to look at me as the big city girl trying to adjust to the small town lifestyle. I wonder about boys, too… although I highly doubt I would ever fall for someone from Forks. While visiting Charlie during the summers, I definitely noticed that the boys in Forks were not the same as the boys from Phoenix. The way they dress, the cars they drive, their lifestyles… almost nothing is the same. I already had a nightmare about moving, too. The dream itself is somewhat vague, but I’ve been getting flashes of it all day, reminders. In the dream I was in Charlie’s backyard in Forks, reading a book on the picnic table. Out of my peripheral vision I saw a tiny black- haired girl run past me, so gracefully. I jolted and sat up, looking for traces of the tiny, perfect girl. The dream gets more and more vague at this point, but while scanning my backyard for the tiny, almost oddly pale-skinned girl, instead of finding her, I saw an equally pale boy standing directly in front of me, maybe ten feet away. He was beautiful. Pale, but somehow it made him even more perfect. Though the dream was vague and he was almost a fog-like image to me, I could see that his eyes were a burning crimson. I didn’t move, blink - didn’t even breathe. I just sat there, still, watching his beautiful face. Even though his eyes were eerie, his face was angelic. Right before my dream ended, the distinctively beautiful boy spoke. He knew my name, too. “Bella, stay in Phoenix. You’re safer there. Stay where you’re safe. Please.” The foggy vision of the beautiful boy vanished with each word. When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think much of it. For some reason, though, as the day progressed, I found myself thinking about it more. Actually, I’ve thoroughly analyzed every aspect of the dream, but still can’t make sense out of it. My dreams never make sense, though. The funny thing is, Forks has a population of three thousand, one hundred and twenty people. I’m sure it’s much safer than Phoenix. What could happen in Forks? I could slip and fall in a puddle, maybe. Or perhaps get belted in the head with a chunk of hail. Honestly, though, Forks is a safe place to be. My safety in the tiny town of Forks, with my Father as the chief of Police, is the least of my worries. I’m off to sleep again now. It’s actually somewhat embarrassing, but I’m hoping to see the beautiful pale boy in my dreams again tonight.
Goodnight.-
Bella Swan
at May 27, 2009 : 7:24 pm -->
Hey everyone. As promised, I have typed out an older diary entry for you. The following entry is from before my life completely changed - before him.-Bella Even on days when I’m feeling more down than usual, the smell of fresh cut grass and the hot pavement below my feet seems to brighten up my day, somehow. The rare breeze blowing from the leaves of the fully bloomed trees feels almost euphoric against the smoldering heat. The best thing about phoenix, though, is that it’s a vigorous, booming city - full of opportunity. I’m going to miss it. I’ve made up my mind, though. After contemplating it over and over, and changing my mind a few times, I’ve finally decided to move to… Forks. Even the name is boring. Plain. Simple. I know this is going to make my life miserable. I wont have the blazing sun pouring over me anymore, or the smell of the fresh flowers in Renee’s garden to cheer me up almost instantly. Instead, I’ll have the sloshy, cold rain. Clouds. Snow. Great. Last September my Mother, Renee, got remarried. Her new husbands name is Phil, and he’s slightly on the young side… but she’s happy. Phil travels a lot. He’s a baseball player - minor league. While I know Renee is trying to manage a balancing act between Phil and me, I can see that she’s not happy when she’s away from Phil - so, I’m sending myself to live with Charlie, my Father. I’m going to pretend to be happy about it, too. Charlie has had an extremely hard time with his divorce from Renee. Though so many years have passed, he’s never moved on. Last time I visited Charlie in Forks, he still had their wedding photo up. I think he looses himself in his work, to try to keep his mind off the painful void. Charlie is the Chief of Police to the people of Forks. Chief Swan. Somehow, I can already picture everyone referring to me as “the chief’s daughter” once I move to Forks. I don’t move for another month. I’m giving myself enough time to say goodbye to my life here. I want to soak up every last ray of light that I can. I want to lay on the grass in my backyard, with a book and look up to see the cloudless sky. I want to take in the city. The noise. I love it here - if I could bottle up a little piece of the city and bring it with me, I would. Although I don’t have a lot of good friends, there are a couple of people I will miss. I’ll miss my lab partner, Alex. We’ve never hung out together after school or anything, but I would consider Alex one of my best in school buddies. He’s a great lab partner, too. Today we had to separate slides of Whitefish Blastula cells into the appropriate phases of mitosis they represented. Although this would have normally been an exceedingly boring task, Alex made it fun by making corny jokes about mitosis. I’ve never liked Alex ‘that way,’ though. He’s a little on the nerdy side for me. I’m not sure what my type is, actually, but I know he’s not it. The hardest goodbye I’ll have to prepare for, of course, is Renee. She’s pretty much more of a friend to me than a Mother… and I’m going to miss her. I want to spend some time with her before I move. I want to make sure she’ll be okay without me, too. I know she has Phil now, but he’ll be busy - I just want to make sure her erratic, sometimes anomalous nature doesn’t get her into trouble. I promised her I would keep in touch frequently, though. And I will. This is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Starting a semester half way through isn’t exactly ideal. Becoming the 358th student at Forks High doesn’t excite me, at all. Leaving my favorite summer clothing behind and replacing them with thick coats, cardigans and sweaters isn’t exactly ideal, either. Right now, I have a lot of questions. I wonder if I’ll make friends in Forks. How welcoming everyone will - or wont be. I wonder if everyone is going to look at me as the big city girl trying to adjust to the small town lifestyle. I wonder about boys, too… although I highly doubt I would ever fall for someone from Forks. While visiting Charlie during the summers, I definitely noticed that the boys in Forks were not the same as the boys from Phoenix. The way they dress, the cars they drive, their lifestyles… almost nothing is the same. I already had a nightmare about moving, too. The dream itself is somewhat vague, but I’ve been getting flashes of it all day, reminders. In the dream I was in Charlie’s backyard in Forks, reading a book on the picnic table. Out of my peripheral vision I saw a tiny black- haired girl run past me, so gracefully. I jolted and sat up, looking for traces of the tiny, perfect girl. The dream gets more and more vague at this point, but while scanning my backyard for the tiny, almost oddly pale-skinned girl, instead of finding her, I saw an equally pale boy standing directly in front of me, maybe ten feet away. He was beautiful. Pale, but somehow it made him even more perfect. Though the dream was vague and he was almost a fog-like image to me, I could see that his eyes were a burning crimson. I didn’t move, blink - didn’t even breathe. I just sat there, still, watching his beautiful face. Even though his eyes were eerie, his face was angelic. Right before my dream ended, the distinctively beautiful boy spoke. He knew my name, too. “Bella, stay in Phoenix. You’re safer there. Stay where you’re safe. Please.” The foggy vision of the beautiful boy vanished with each word. When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think much of it. For some reason, though, as the day progressed, I found myself thinking about it more. Actually, I’ve thoroughly analyzed every aspect of the dream, but still can’t make sense out of it. My dreams never make sense, though. The funny thing is, Forks has a population of three thousand, one hundred and twenty people. I’m sure it’s much safer than Phoenix. What could happen in Forks? I could slip and fall in a puddle, maybe. Or perhaps get belted in the head with a chunk of hail. Honestly, though, Forks is a safe place to be. My safety in the tiny town of Forks, with my Father as the chief of Police, is the least of my worries. I’m off to sleep again now. It’s actually somewhat embarrassing, but I’m hoping to see the beautiful pale boy in my dreams again tonight.
Goodnight.-
Bella Swan
Dear Diary (Awkward) admin at May 18, 2009 : 9:58 pm -->
Charlie’s eyes were still ablaze with the same eerie- looking shade of red that developed once he was turned into a vampire. For some reason, Charlie’s eyes didn’t seem to be fading, at all. In fact, they somehow seem to be getting brighter, almost glowing in certain lighting. I understood Sue’s completely panic-stricken expression. I expected it.
I didn’t expect Sue to catch on as quickly as she did, though. Before Charlie had a chance to say anything, she instinctively clasped one hand over her throat and wrapped the other partially around her waist. Charlie took a long, graceful stride back once he noticed she was afraid.
Sue’s eyes were fixated on Charlie, who was now piercing down at the floor, not knowing what to say. I was too confused to say anything. I couldn’t tell if Sue wanted to stay to hear what Charlie had to say, or if she was going to start backing out the door.
Edward must have heard something positive in Sue’s thoughts, because he welcomed her in, despite her mortified expression. She didn’t answer to Edward’s invite, though. I don’t know if she could actually hear us - she seemed to be in a cloudy shock-like state.
Without looking up, Charlie repeated Edward’s words. “Would you like to come in, Sue?” He looked as though he was cringing, afraid to hear her response. Sue was finally able to catch a deep breath before she responded, letting the air out with her words, making them sound like a loud whisper. “You’re… you’ve become…a vampire.” She rushed over the word “vampire,” almost as though she felt ridiculous saying it. I understood. To this day, I still have to question my sanity every time I hear myself speak that word out loud.
Charlie slowly lifted his head up, eventually meeting Sue’s eyes. She took in another deep breath, and held it - waiting to hear what Charlie was going to say. Charlie was still waiting for her to respond to his question, but could see she had no plans of stepping inside a house full of vampires. He re-worded it this time. “Well, Sue, if you’ll come inside I’ll explain everything to you. I wont hurt you, either. I promise. If it’ll make you more comfortable I can go get Jacob. We can send someone else to watch Nessie.” He moved his eyes back down to the floor, not knowing what to expect.
Sue came inside. It was as though hearing Jacob’s name made her feel more comfortable. Her shoulders relaxed and her eyes retracted back to their normal size. The hand she had wrapped around her neck was now pressed flat against her chest as she checked to see if she was still alive, still had a heart beat.
Although we wanted to give Charlie and Sue alone time, to talk - it would be far too risky to leave him with her, alone. We gave Charlie more space, though. Even let him stand as close to Sue as he wanted. He seemed like he had his thirst under control. It was obvious that Charlie was more worried about what Sue thought, rather than what she might taste like.
I stood just in front of Edward, leaning against his granite chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. Although I was trying to listen in on what Charlie and Sue were saying, I kept getting blinded by Edward’s intoxicating breath against my ear. Every few minutes he would softly press his smooth lips against the tip of my ear, kissing me subtly, making my rock-like body feel as though it was turned back into weak human flesh. I broke myself out of his embrace when I heard his velvet voice whisper “I love you, Bella” - those words mixed with the feeling of his sweet breath in my ear was too much for me to handle at that moment. Edward, of course, is my weakness.
When I snapped out of my intoxicated state I noticed Emmett - who was standing to my left, grinning at me, moving his eyes brows up and down. I wanted to go over there and toss him out a window. I looked back up at Edward, who’s lips were curled up on one side and couldn’t help but laugh. Emmett sure knows how to embarrass me.
When I could hear that Charlie was finished reiterating his story for Sue, I focused my attention back on her. I wanted to see her reaction to the seemingly preposterous story Charlie had just told her.
To my surprise, she didn’t seem shocked. For the first time, Sue glanced up at each and every once of us - keeping her eyes on me a few seconds longer than the rest. I forced a smile, wishing I knew what she was thinking. I don’t like surprises, or suspense. At least I knew she wasn’t going to pass out or something, though.
Cautiously, she placed one shaky hand on Charlie’s knee and smiled. The smile didn’t touch her eyes, but it was genuine. I could tell she was calculating her words before she spoke them. As she spoke, each word came out carefully. “Charlie, I care about you a great deal. You know that. Despite everything, I want to maintain a friendship with you, to the best of my ability. I can see that despite your differences, you’re still a great person… well… vampire, now.” She half smiled immediately after saying that word - then continued. “You can call me anytime, and once you’ve become more adapted to your new life, and you are sure of your control - I would like to get together, to see you.”
Charlie grinned, and his voice was more alive this time when he spoke. “I would like that, Sue. Thank you for coming, you know, to see me.” He moved his head almost awkwardly from side to side. It was like watching two teenagers getting to know each other. It was painful to watch. But I knew he was happy, and I knew Sue was, too.
Sue seemed pleasantly surprised by Charlie’s new and improved appearance as well. Although it was the last thing I wanted, I noticed Sue’s eyes scanning Charlie, from top to bottom. Right before she stepped out, she gave Charlie an ego boost. “You look good, by the way. I mean, the eyes are… well, you know, but otherwise you look great.” She put her head down and walked quickly out the door, seemingly embarrassed by her compliment - or sensing that it made Charlie feel embarrassed. He called out a quick “thanks, Sue… you too,” but she was already out the door.
Once Sue was gone we all went out separate ways, trying to lessen the tense, awkward vibe. Emmett and Rosalie went into the garage. Alice and jasper went into the back yard while Carlisle and Esme went upstairs. I invited Charlie back to the cabin with Edward and I, so he could visit with Nessie.
As soon as we stepped in the door Nessie reached out for Charlie, with a big angelic grin on her face. Jacob asked how it went - and I responded with a sarcastic “well, nobody got eaten.” I noticed Jacob roll his eyes, trying to fight back a smile.
I am happy to say I can end this entry on a happy note. I’m with my family, and happier than ever. I honestly can’t think of a time where I’ve felt more content, more elated.
Stay tuned for the next entry a week from today. It’s actually going to be an old diary entry I found in a diary I brought with me from Phoenix. The entry is from before I moved to Forks, before I met Edward.
-Bella
Charlie’s eyes were still ablaze with the same eerie- looking shade of red that developed once he was turned into a vampire. For some reason, Charlie’s eyes didn’t seem to be fading, at all. In fact, they somehow seem to be getting brighter, almost glowing in certain lighting. I understood Sue’s completely panic-stricken expression. I expected it.
I didn’t expect Sue to catch on as quickly as she did, though. Before Charlie had a chance to say anything, she instinctively clasped one hand over her throat and wrapped the other partially around her waist. Charlie took a long, graceful stride back once he noticed she was afraid.
Sue’s eyes were fixated on Charlie, who was now piercing down at the floor, not knowing what to say. I was too confused to say anything. I couldn’t tell if Sue wanted to stay to hear what Charlie had to say, or if she was going to start backing out the door.
Edward must have heard something positive in Sue’s thoughts, because he welcomed her in, despite her mortified expression. She didn’t answer to Edward’s invite, though. I don’t know if she could actually hear us - she seemed to be in a cloudy shock-like state.
Without looking up, Charlie repeated Edward’s words. “Would you like to come in, Sue?” He looked as though he was cringing, afraid to hear her response. Sue was finally able to catch a deep breath before she responded, letting the air out with her words, making them sound like a loud whisper. “You’re… you’ve become…a vampire.” She rushed over the word “vampire,” almost as though she felt ridiculous saying it. I understood. To this day, I still have to question my sanity every time I hear myself speak that word out loud.
Charlie slowly lifted his head up, eventually meeting Sue’s eyes. She took in another deep breath, and held it - waiting to hear what Charlie was going to say. Charlie was still waiting for her to respond to his question, but could see she had no plans of stepping inside a house full of vampires. He re-worded it this time. “Well, Sue, if you’ll come inside I’ll explain everything to you. I wont hurt you, either. I promise. If it’ll make you more comfortable I can go get Jacob. We can send someone else to watch Nessie.” He moved his eyes back down to the floor, not knowing what to expect.
Sue came inside. It was as though hearing Jacob’s name made her feel more comfortable. Her shoulders relaxed and her eyes retracted back to their normal size. The hand she had wrapped around her neck was now pressed flat against her chest as she checked to see if she was still alive, still had a heart beat.
Although we wanted to give Charlie and Sue alone time, to talk - it would be far too risky to leave him with her, alone. We gave Charlie more space, though. Even let him stand as close to Sue as he wanted. He seemed like he had his thirst under control. It was obvious that Charlie was more worried about what Sue thought, rather than what she might taste like.
I stood just in front of Edward, leaning against his granite chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. Although I was trying to listen in on what Charlie and Sue were saying, I kept getting blinded by Edward’s intoxicating breath against my ear. Every few minutes he would softly press his smooth lips against the tip of my ear, kissing me subtly, making my rock-like body feel as though it was turned back into weak human flesh. I broke myself out of his embrace when I heard his velvet voice whisper “I love you, Bella” - those words mixed with the feeling of his sweet breath in my ear was too much for me to handle at that moment. Edward, of course, is my weakness.
When I snapped out of my intoxicated state I noticed Emmett - who was standing to my left, grinning at me, moving his eyes brows up and down. I wanted to go over there and toss him out a window. I looked back up at Edward, who’s lips were curled up on one side and couldn’t help but laugh. Emmett sure knows how to embarrass me.
When I could hear that Charlie was finished reiterating his story for Sue, I focused my attention back on her. I wanted to see her reaction to the seemingly preposterous story Charlie had just told her.
To my surprise, she didn’t seem shocked. For the first time, Sue glanced up at each and every once of us - keeping her eyes on me a few seconds longer than the rest. I forced a smile, wishing I knew what she was thinking. I don’t like surprises, or suspense. At least I knew she wasn’t going to pass out or something, though.
Cautiously, she placed one shaky hand on Charlie’s knee and smiled. The smile didn’t touch her eyes, but it was genuine. I could tell she was calculating her words before she spoke them. As she spoke, each word came out carefully. “Charlie, I care about you a great deal. You know that. Despite everything, I want to maintain a friendship with you, to the best of my ability. I can see that despite your differences, you’re still a great person… well… vampire, now.” She half smiled immediately after saying that word - then continued. “You can call me anytime, and once you’ve become more adapted to your new life, and you are sure of your control - I would like to get together, to see you.”
Charlie grinned, and his voice was more alive this time when he spoke. “I would like that, Sue. Thank you for coming, you know, to see me.” He moved his head almost awkwardly from side to side. It was like watching two teenagers getting to know each other. It was painful to watch. But I knew he was happy, and I knew Sue was, too.
Sue seemed pleasantly surprised by Charlie’s new and improved appearance as well. Although it was the last thing I wanted, I noticed Sue’s eyes scanning Charlie, from top to bottom. Right before she stepped out, she gave Charlie an ego boost. “You look good, by the way. I mean, the eyes are… well, you know, but otherwise you look great.” She put her head down and walked quickly out the door, seemingly embarrassed by her compliment - or sensing that it made Charlie feel embarrassed. He called out a quick “thanks, Sue… you too,” but she was already out the door.
Once Sue was gone we all went out separate ways, trying to lessen the tense, awkward vibe. Emmett and Rosalie went into the garage. Alice and jasper went into the back yard while Carlisle and Esme went upstairs. I invited Charlie back to the cabin with Edward and I, so he could visit with Nessie.
As soon as we stepped in the door Nessie reached out for Charlie, with a big angelic grin on her face. Jacob asked how it went - and I responded with a sarcastic “well, nobody got eaten.” I noticed Jacob roll his eyes, trying to fight back a smile.
I am happy to say I can end this entry on a happy note. I’m with my family, and happier than ever. I honestly can’t think of a time where I’ve felt more content, more elated.
Stay tuned for the next entry a week from today. It’s actually going to be an old diary entry I found in a diary I brought with me from Phoenix. The entry is from before I moved to Forks, before I met Edward.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Charlie & Sue) admin at May 11, 2009 : 9:23 pm --> “I haven’t seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?”
-Aro
Jacob hasn’t left Nessie’s side in days, except to go home to change his clothes and check in with Billy and the pack periodically. He was lost without her. We were all lost without her. Each one of us have taken turns blaming ourselves for everything that has happened. Now, though, I know it was bound to happen no matter what. The Volturi were desperate for our attention. Desperate for us to become part of their coven.
Edward, Nessie and I have been spending most of our time in the cabin, keeping an extra close eye on Renesmee - with the help of Jacob, of course. I was somewhat perplexed when I heard Nessie say that she likes Aro. She even went into her room and came out with the priceless, ostentatious necklace he gave me, as a wedding present, dangling through her tiny fingers. At one point, she placed her delicate looking hand on my cheek and showed me Aro’s gleeful face. Conceivable… considering how insidious Aro is. Rosalie, who was also visiting, snorted at the mention of Aro’s name, then snatched the necklace from Renesmee’s hand and threw it, with a great deal of force, out the front door of the cabin. Rosalie isn’t fond of Aro, either.
I don’t know which direction everything would have gone if it weren’t for Charlie. This would be the second time he’s saved us from the Volturi since being turned. Impressive. I don’t know what is more impressive, though, Charlie saving us from the Volturi - or Charlie wanting to continue some sort of a relationship with Sue Clearwater.
The pack decided to avoid telling Sue about Charlie, about what he’s become. They saw how her face lit up when she would see him and how captivated she was by him. They didn’t want to hurt her. They didn’t want to scare her. We all fabricated a story about Charlie becoming sick, and said he had to stay with Dr. Cullen until he was better. She wanted to visit Charlie, of course, so the pack told her that what Charlie had was extremely contagious to humans. Charlie missed Sue, though. To everyone’s surprise, he called her.
At first she went off into a worried babble, asking one question after another. I could tell he was being interrogated by his single and double word responses. “Yes… mhm… I’m fine…don’t worry.”
When Charlie told Sue he wanted to see her, just before hanging up, I froze momentarily, not knowing what to think of it. It’s strange how I had no problem constantly putting myself in danger with Edward when I was human, yet the thought of Charlie seeing a human terrifies me. Maybe it’s because I know that Sue and Charlie couldn’t become what Edward and I have. Maybe it’s because I know that someone could end up getting hurt - not only physically, but mentally, too. Maybe because Sue is family to the werewolves, which would undoubtedly be wrong on so many levels. Then again, who am I to say what’s right and what’s wrong? After all, I turned in my human life to become a vampire so I could be with Edward forever.
Charlie went hunting before he met with Sue, as a precaution. He asked that she meet him at the Cullen’s house. Jacob stayed back at the cabin with Nessie, while Edward and I stayed with Charlie, along with the rest of the family. We needed everyone there, to make sure Sue remained safe. We trusted Charlie, of course, especially after he managed to control himself on the plane ride to Volterra - we just had to be certain. This is different. Charlie had feeling for Sue before he was turned. We didn’t know what to expect.
I could see the sun just setting behind the trees, almost looking like flames spreading through the forest. It was one of those rare sunny days in Forks, but I didn’t mind having to stay inside all day. I was in good company. The company was about to grow, though, and I wasn’t sure how I felt when I heard the soft knock on the door. I knew it was Sue, and I was secretly wishing I would have been blessed with the ability to disappear.
Edward slid his hand around my waist and I grabbed it then squeezed it a little too hard. He managed to put my fears to rest, like he always does, when he rested his perfectly smooth lips on on my ear and whispered “Don’t worry, Bella. She’s excited to see him… she’s expecting something much worse, actually. She’s worried he’s going to tell her that he never wants to see her again. She’s simply confused.” He concluded with a gentle kiss on my earlobe then pulled back to look at me, flashing that breathtaking, crooked grin of his.
I had completely lost myself in Edward, so the second knock startled me. I was much calmer now, though. I was partially in a trance like state from Edward, and partially curious as to who was going to open the door and let Sue in. Everyone just stood there, looking at Charlie, almost as though they were waiting for his approval. I went and opened the door myself.
Sue was standing there, with a somewhat muddled expression. I could see a half smile trying to break through as she stepped inside the front door. Her eyes scanned the room expeditiously and froze once she saw Charlie. She gasped, then dropped her jaw. Without hesitation, Charlie smiled at her, then gracefully began to walk towards her, Emmett and Jasper close behind him…
-Aro
Jacob hasn’t left Nessie’s side in days, except to go home to change his clothes and check in with Billy and the pack periodically. He was lost without her. We were all lost without her. Each one of us have taken turns blaming ourselves for everything that has happened. Now, though, I know it was bound to happen no matter what. The Volturi were desperate for our attention. Desperate for us to become part of their coven.
Edward, Nessie and I have been spending most of our time in the cabin, keeping an extra close eye on Renesmee - with the help of Jacob, of course. I was somewhat perplexed when I heard Nessie say that she likes Aro. She even went into her room and came out with the priceless, ostentatious necklace he gave me, as a wedding present, dangling through her tiny fingers. At one point, she placed her delicate looking hand on my cheek and showed me Aro’s gleeful face. Conceivable… considering how insidious Aro is. Rosalie, who was also visiting, snorted at the mention of Aro’s name, then snatched the necklace from Renesmee’s hand and threw it, with a great deal of force, out the front door of the cabin. Rosalie isn’t fond of Aro, either.
I don’t know which direction everything would have gone if it weren’t for Charlie. This would be the second time he’s saved us from the Volturi since being turned. Impressive. I don’t know what is more impressive, though, Charlie saving us from the Volturi - or Charlie wanting to continue some sort of a relationship with Sue Clearwater.
The pack decided to avoid telling Sue about Charlie, about what he’s become. They saw how her face lit up when she would see him and how captivated she was by him. They didn’t want to hurt her. They didn’t want to scare her. We all fabricated a story about Charlie becoming sick, and said he had to stay with Dr. Cullen until he was better. She wanted to visit Charlie, of course, so the pack told her that what Charlie had was extremely contagious to humans. Charlie missed Sue, though. To everyone’s surprise, he called her.
At first she went off into a worried babble, asking one question after another. I could tell he was being interrogated by his single and double word responses. “Yes… mhm… I’m fine…don’t worry.”
When Charlie told Sue he wanted to see her, just before hanging up, I froze momentarily, not knowing what to think of it. It’s strange how I had no problem constantly putting myself in danger with Edward when I was human, yet the thought of Charlie seeing a human terrifies me. Maybe it’s because I know that Sue and Charlie couldn’t become what Edward and I have. Maybe it’s because I know that someone could end up getting hurt - not only physically, but mentally, too. Maybe because Sue is family to the werewolves, which would undoubtedly be wrong on so many levels. Then again, who am I to say what’s right and what’s wrong? After all, I turned in my human life to become a vampire so I could be with Edward forever.
Charlie went hunting before he met with Sue, as a precaution. He asked that she meet him at the Cullen’s house. Jacob stayed back at the cabin with Nessie, while Edward and I stayed with Charlie, along with the rest of the family. We needed everyone there, to make sure Sue remained safe. We trusted Charlie, of course, especially after he managed to control himself on the plane ride to Volterra - we just had to be certain. This is different. Charlie had feeling for Sue before he was turned. We didn’t know what to expect.
I could see the sun just setting behind the trees, almost looking like flames spreading through the forest. It was one of those rare sunny days in Forks, but I didn’t mind having to stay inside all day. I was in good company. The company was about to grow, though, and I wasn’t sure how I felt when I heard the soft knock on the door. I knew it was Sue, and I was secretly wishing I would have been blessed with the ability to disappear.
Edward slid his hand around my waist and I grabbed it then squeezed it a little too hard. He managed to put my fears to rest, like he always does, when he rested his perfectly smooth lips on on my ear and whispered “Don’t worry, Bella. She’s excited to see him… she’s expecting something much worse, actually. She’s worried he’s going to tell her that he never wants to see her again. She’s simply confused.” He concluded with a gentle kiss on my earlobe then pulled back to look at me, flashing that breathtaking, crooked grin of his.
I had completely lost myself in Edward, so the second knock startled me. I was much calmer now, though. I was partially in a trance like state from Edward, and partially curious as to who was going to open the door and let Sue in. Everyone just stood there, looking at Charlie, almost as though they were waiting for his approval. I went and opened the door myself.
Sue was standing there, with a somewhat muddled expression. I could see a half smile trying to break through as she stepped inside the front door. Her eyes scanned the room expeditiously and froze once she saw Charlie. She gasped, then dropped her jaw. Without hesitation, Charlie smiled at her, then gracefully began to walk towards her, Emmett and Jasper close behind him…
Dear Diary (I. Love. You.)admin at May 6, 2009 : 9:39 pm -->
The chaos didn’t last very long, actually. The Volturi and their guards froze, standing there with the most oddly twisted expressions on their faces. It looked as though they were battling between enmity and sympathy. I, too, gave up the battle. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to see what they were thinking, or if the looks on their faces amused me. No one got destroyed. Felix, however, has a few chunks taken out of him and my bite marks, like Jasper’s, will remain. It took me longer than it should have to realize Charlie was causing the Volturi to feel sympathetic. They were literally unable to harm us - even if they wanted to. Charlie is able to control exactly who is affected by his power. He’s practiced enough that he can just think of the person, his victim, and they will feel too much sympathy to hurt anything. If the Volturi had plans to hurt Nessie, Charlie’s gift could possibly have been the only thing that would have stopped them. Aro was quick to realize what was going on. Charlie stood there, his eyes beaming brighter than theirs - his face focused, bitter. Every Volturi member in the room became more and more loving as the seconds passed. The ferocity vanished from their faces, slowly, dripping off like molasses. Aro, with an endearing grin on his delicate looking face kept his milky eyes on Charlie as he spoke. “I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this harmless in my life. I feel as though I truly love everyone,” his smile grew deeper. “I can see you are a very gifted family. All I wanted was for you to join our coven, to help make us stronger. It would be so… convenient for you to join us. I’m sorry I have gone to such great lengths in my attempt to have you join us.” Carlisle, the most reasonable one of us - and the one who has known Aro the longest began to speak, holding his hand just slightly in front of himself. “Aro, I hope you know that I certainly didn’t create my family in hopes that we would be more powerful than your coven. That was never my intention. However, we do live a completely different lifestyle than you do. It would be going against everything we believe and everything we’ve worked hard for to join your coven. I hope you’ll understand.” He paused momentarily, giving Aro a chance to digest everything he said, then began again. ” I want you to know that if you ever needed our help, we would be there. Not as part of your coven, but if you needed us to help you, we would. We, too, do not want our kind to be exposed. So, if you ever need help making sure that never happens, we will be more than happy to help… as long as you return the girl, safe and unharmed.” Aro jolted a little, as if Carlisle had just reminded him that they had Renesmee. He motioned for one of his guards to come over to him, then asked that she bring Nessie back out. I was biting my lower lip nervously, hoping that Charlie could keep his special gift working. At this rate, we could get anything we wanted from them. I only had one thing on my mind, though. I wanted my perfect, beautiful daughter back in my arms, safe. The guard left the room, and was back before I even had a chance to look away from where she was standing. My beautiful Nessie was in her arms. I was frustrated, though. I wanted her in my arms. I wanted her to be home with Edward and I. I wanted to watch Edward sing her to sleep, his angelic voice soothing her, making her drift off with a tiny grin on her face. Aro and the guard conversed for a moment. Edward was listening to what they were saying, and the look on his face slowly lit up with each thought that crossed Aro’s mind. I looked at Edward, widening my eyes, raising one eyebrow curiously. He got the hint and mumbled a quick summary under his breath. “Aro wants to return Nessie to us. He just has one condition.” He stopped talking before he told me the condition. Thanks, Edward. I flickered my eyes between Aro and Edward, growing anxious, hoping Edward would fill me in on the rest. He didn’t. I didn’t push it any further, though, once I saw that he was blowing a kiss to Nessie. He looked so perfect. So loving. I waited, impatiently, for Aro to speak, growing more hopeful every second that the beautiful mini angel in the guards arms would be free to come home with us. Alice stood to one side of me, holding onto my arm, also becoming more antsy with each passing second. We were all mostly afraid that Charlie might not be able to keep his power working. He’s never had to keep it going for this long, and he looked as though he was starting to get a headache. Either that, or he was getting agitated. Either way, we had to hurry this along, just in case. I grunted loudly, getting Aro’s attention. He raised his head to see where the noise came from, a smile slowly forming on his face as he finally spoke. “I apologize for the wait my dear friends.” He motioned for the guard to bring Nessie towards us and began again. “I want you to know that I truly mean no harm. I guess I got a little selfish, and for that I apologize. I will give the girl back at once, under one condition.” I was afraid to hear the condition, especially since it was notably absent in Edward’s brief summary. “I will give the girl back as long as you agree to help us if we ever require your assistance… your special talents. You see, with your talents, we would be much more successful at keeping our kind concealed. If you will agree to that, then the girl will be handed over.” His red, cloudy eyes moved slowly this time, back and fourth between Nessie and Carlisle. We all looked at each other and Edward read everyone’s thoughts, except mine - but he already knew my answer. I would do anything to have Renesmee back. Everyone else agreed, too. Edward whispered something brief to Carlisle, who then passed the message back to Aro. “Like I said earlier, we will absolutely help you out when you need us. We never intended to become the enemy.” Carlisle’s voice was curt and contradicted his smile. Before he could say anything else, Aro warned him of the consequences of the agreement. “You do know, my dear Carlisle and friends, that you could lose a family member in your attempts to help. It does come with the territory.” He shot his milky eyes down at the ground for a moment. “We understand, Aro.” Edward’s voice was like velvet. I could see that this was coming to an end, and Edward’s short response was a clear indication that he, too, was becoming impatient, anxious. I was confused when Edward looked back at Charlie and asked him to release his power. Charlie was confused, too, but complied. I assumed Edward felt safer now that the agreement was made - and he wanted to make sure they would stick to their word. It would be pointless to have them agree to something while under Charlie’s power, only to have them go back on it as soon as he released it. Everyone’s face almost instantly looked harder all of a sudden. I even heard a few hisses. Aro’s face was still joyous looking, though, and he asked the guard to place Nessie in my arms. I was careful not to hold her too tight, although it was hard not to. We all crowded around her, taking turns holding her. I kissed the top of her head more times than I can count. Edward scooped her out of my arms and told her which songs he was going to sing to her once they got back home. She smiled, her eyes lighting up with each word. Esme held onto Renesmee while Edward and I stepped forward to thank Aro, who was baffled by our reaction to our half human daughter. After he said goodbye to each of us, he asked Jane and Alec to escort us back out. Alec tried to make small talk with Charlie along the way. “That’s quite the gift you have there. I actually felt as though I would be unable to harm a human, no matter how thirsty.” Charlie wasn’t up for talking. He flashed a half smile that didn’t meet his eyes and choked out an almost painfully sarcastic “mhm.” I laughed. We were welcomed back home by Jacob curled up on the floor beside Nessie’s bed, weeping. He looked too big to be curled up in such a vulnerable position. When he saw that Nessie was with us he stood up immediately and I could have sworn her wiped a small puddle of tears from the side of his face. Nessie was in his arms, laughing with her tiny hand placed gently on his cheek. She was showing him everything that happened through her thoughts. His face was like watching a movie in fast forward, and the expressions went up and down as he processed everything she showed him. Nessie removed her hand from his cheek, looked up at his russet face and said “I love you” before yawning and laying her head on his shoulder. “I love you too, Nessie.” Jacob’s face was full of relief. -Bella
The chaos didn’t last very long, actually. The Volturi and their guards froze, standing there with the most oddly twisted expressions on their faces. It looked as though they were battling between enmity and sympathy. I, too, gave up the battle. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to see what they were thinking, or if the looks on their faces amused me. No one got destroyed. Felix, however, has a few chunks taken out of him and my bite marks, like Jasper’s, will remain. It took me longer than it should have to realize Charlie was causing the Volturi to feel sympathetic. They were literally unable to harm us - even if they wanted to. Charlie is able to control exactly who is affected by his power. He’s practiced enough that he can just think of the person, his victim, and they will feel too much sympathy to hurt anything. If the Volturi had plans to hurt Nessie, Charlie’s gift could possibly have been the only thing that would have stopped them. Aro was quick to realize what was going on. Charlie stood there, his eyes beaming brighter than theirs - his face focused, bitter. Every Volturi member in the room became more and more loving as the seconds passed. The ferocity vanished from their faces, slowly, dripping off like molasses. Aro, with an endearing grin on his delicate looking face kept his milky eyes on Charlie as he spoke. “I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this harmless in my life. I feel as though I truly love everyone,” his smile grew deeper. “I can see you are a very gifted family. All I wanted was for you to join our coven, to help make us stronger. It would be so… convenient for you to join us. I’m sorry I have gone to such great lengths in my attempt to have you join us.” Carlisle, the most reasonable one of us - and the one who has known Aro the longest began to speak, holding his hand just slightly in front of himself. “Aro, I hope you know that I certainly didn’t create my family in hopes that we would be more powerful than your coven. That was never my intention. However, we do live a completely different lifestyle than you do. It would be going against everything we believe and everything we’ve worked hard for to join your coven. I hope you’ll understand.” He paused momentarily, giving Aro a chance to digest everything he said, then began again. ” I want you to know that if you ever needed our help, we would be there. Not as part of your coven, but if you needed us to help you, we would. We, too, do not want our kind to be exposed. So, if you ever need help making sure that never happens, we will be more than happy to help… as long as you return the girl, safe and unharmed.” Aro jolted a little, as if Carlisle had just reminded him that they had Renesmee. He motioned for one of his guards to come over to him, then asked that she bring Nessie back out. I was biting my lower lip nervously, hoping that Charlie could keep his special gift working. At this rate, we could get anything we wanted from them. I only had one thing on my mind, though. I wanted my perfect, beautiful daughter back in my arms, safe. The guard left the room, and was back before I even had a chance to look away from where she was standing. My beautiful Nessie was in her arms. I was frustrated, though. I wanted her in my arms. I wanted her to be home with Edward and I. I wanted to watch Edward sing her to sleep, his angelic voice soothing her, making her drift off with a tiny grin on her face. Aro and the guard conversed for a moment. Edward was listening to what they were saying, and the look on his face slowly lit up with each thought that crossed Aro’s mind. I looked at Edward, widening my eyes, raising one eyebrow curiously. He got the hint and mumbled a quick summary under his breath. “Aro wants to return Nessie to us. He just has one condition.” He stopped talking before he told me the condition. Thanks, Edward. I flickered my eyes between Aro and Edward, growing anxious, hoping Edward would fill me in on the rest. He didn’t. I didn’t push it any further, though, once I saw that he was blowing a kiss to Nessie. He looked so perfect. So loving. I waited, impatiently, for Aro to speak, growing more hopeful every second that the beautiful mini angel in the guards arms would be free to come home with us. Alice stood to one side of me, holding onto my arm, also becoming more antsy with each passing second. We were all mostly afraid that Charlie might not be able to keep his power working. He’s never had to keep it going for this long, and he looked as though he was starting to get a headache. Either that, or he was getting agitated. Either way, we had to hurry this along, just in case. I grunted loudly, getting Aro’s attention. He raised his head to see where the noise came from, a smile slowly forming on his face as he finally spoke. “I apologize for the wait my dear friends.” He motioned for the guard to bring Nessie towards us and began again. “I want you to know that I truly mean no harm. I guess I got a little selfish, and for that I apologize. I will give the girl back at once, under one condition.” I was afraid to hear the condition, especially since it was notably absent in Edward’s brief summary. “I will give the girl back as long as you agree to help us if we ever require your assistance… your special talents. You see, with your talents, we would be much more successful at keeping our kind concealed. If you will agree to that, then the girl will be handed over.” His red, cloudy eyes moved slowly this time, back and fourth between Nessie and Carlisle. We all looked at each other and Edward read everyone’s thoughts, except mine - but he already knew my answer. I would do anything to have Renesmee back. Everyone else agreed, too. Edward whispered something brief to Carlisle, who then passed the message back to Aro. “Like I said earlier, we will absolutely help you out when you need us. We never intended to become the enemy.” Carlisle’s voice was curt and contradicted his smile. Before he could say anything else, Aro warned him of the consequences of the agreement. “You do know, my dear Carlisle and friends, that you could lose a family member in your attempts to help. It does come with the territory.” He shot his milky eyes down at the ground for a moment. “We understand, Aro.” Edward’s voice was like velvet. I could see that this was coming to an end, and Edward’s short response was a clear indication that he, too, was becoming impatient, anxious. I was confused when Edward looked back at Charlie and asked him to release his power. Charlie was confused, too, but complied. I assumed Edward felt safer now that the agreement was made - and he wanted to make sure they would stick to their word. It would be pointless to have them agree to something while under Charlie’s power, only to have them go back on it as soon as he released it. Everyone’s face almost instantly looked harder all of a sudden. I even heard a few hisses. Aro’s face was still joyous looking, though, and he asked the guard to place Nessie in my arms. I was careful not to hold her too tight, although it was hard not to. We all crowded around her, taking turns holding her. I kissed the top of her head more times than I can count. Edward scooped her out of my arms and told her which songs he was going to sing to her once they got back home. She smiled, her eyes lighting up with each word. Esme held onto Renesmee while Edward and I stepped forward to thank Aro, who was baffled by our reaction to our half human daughter. After he said goodbye to each of us, he asked Jane and Alec to escort us back out. Alec tried to make small talk with Charlie along the way. “That’s quite the gift you have there. I actually felt as though I would be unable to harm a human, no matter how thirsty.” Charlie wasn’t up for talking. He flashed a half smile that didn’t meet his eyes and choked out an almost painfully sarcastic “mhm.” I laughed. We were welcomed back home by Jacob curled up on the floor beside Nessie’s bed, weeping. He looked too big to be curled up in such a vulnerable position. When he saw that Nessie was with us he stood up immediately and I could have sworn her wiped a small puddle of tears from the side of his face. Nessie was in his arms, laughing with her tiny hand placed gently on his cheek. She was showing him everything that happened through her thoughts. His face was like watching a movie in fast forward, and the expressions went up and down as he processed everything she showed him. Nessie removed her hand from his cheek, looked up at his russet face and said “I love you” before yawning and laying her head on his shoulder. “I love you too, Nessie.” Jacob’s face was full of relief. -Bella
Dear Diary (I. Love. You.) admin at May 6, 2009 : 9:39 pm --> The chaos didn’t last very long, actually. The Volturi and their guards froze, standing there with the most oddly twisted expressions on their faces. It looked as though they were battling between enmity and sympathy. I, too, gave up the battle. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to see what they were thinking, or if the looks on their faces amused me. No one got destroyed. Felix, however, has a few chunks taken out of him and my bite marks, like Jasper’s, will remain. It took me longer than it should have to realize Charlie was causing the Volturi to feel sympathetic. They were literally unable to harm us - even if they wanted to.
Charlie is able to control exactly who is affected by his power. He’s practiced enough that he can just think of the person, his victim, and they will feel too much sympathy to hurt anything. If the Volturi had plans to hurt Nessie, Charlie’s gift could possibly have been the only thing that would have stopped them.
Aro was quick to realize what was going on. Charlie stood there, his eyes beaming brighter than theirs - his face focused, bitter. Every Volturi member in the room became more and more loving as the seconds passed. The ferocity vanished from their faces, slowly, dripping off like molasses. Aro, with an endearing grin on his delicate looking face kept his milky eyes on Charlie as he spoke. “I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this harmless in my life. I feel as though I truly love everyone,” his smile grew deeper. “I can see you are a very gifted family. All I wanted was for you to join our coven, to help make us stronger. It would be so… convenient for you to join us. I’m sorry I have gone to such great lengths in my attempt to have you join us.”
Carlisle, the most reasonable one of us - and the one who has known Aro the longest began to speak, holding his hand just slightly in front of himself. “Aro, I hope you know that I certainly didn’t create my family in hopes that we would be more powerful than your coven. That was never my intention. However, we do live a completely different lifestyle than you do. It would be going against everything we believe and everything we’ve worked hard for to join your coven. I hope you’ll understand.” He paused momentarily, giving Aro a chance to digest everything he said, then began again. ” I want you to know that if you ever needed our help, we would be there. Not as part of your coven, but if you needed us to help you, we would. We, too, do not want our kind to be exposed. So, if you ever need help making sure that never happens, we will be more than happy to help… as long as you return the girl, safe and unharmed.”
Aro jolted a little, as if Carlisle had just reminded him that they had Renesmee. He motioned for one of his guards to come over to him, then asked that she bring Nessie back out. I was biting my lower lip nervously, hoping that Charlie could keep his special gift working. At this rate, we could get anything we wanted from them. I only had one thing on my mind, though. I wanted my perfect, beautiful daughter back in my arms, safe.
The guard left the room, and was back before I even had a chance to look away from where she was standing. My beautiful Nessie was in her arms. I was frustrated, though. I wanted her in my arms. I wanted her to be home with Edward and I. I wanted to watch Edward sing her to sleep, his angelic voice soothing her, making her drift off with a tiny grin on her face.
Aro and the guard conversed for a moment. Edward was listening to what they were saying, and the look on his face slowly lit up with each thought that crossed Aro’s mind. I looked at Edward, widening my eyes, raising one eyebrow curiously. He got the hint and mumbled a quick summary under his breath. “Aro wants to return Nessie to us. He just has one condition.” He stopped talking before he told me the condition. Thanks, Edward. I flickered my eyes between Aro and Edward, growing anxious, hoping Edward would fill me in on the rest. He didn’t. I didn’t push it any further, though, once I saw that he was blowing a kiss to Nessie. He looked so perfect. So loving.
I waited, impatiently, for Aro to speak, growing more hopeful every second that the beautiful mini angel in the guards arms would be free to come home with us. Alice stood to one side of me, holding onto my arm, also becoming more antsy with each passing second. We were all mostly afraid that Charlie might not be able to keep his power working. He’s never had to keep it going for this long, and he looked as though he was starting to get a headache. Either that, or he was getting agitated. Either way, we had to hurry this along, just in case.
I grunted loudly, getting Aro’s attention. He raised his head to see where the noise came from, a smile slowly forming on his face as he finally spoke. “I apologize for the wait my dear friends.” He motioned for the guard to bring Nessie towards us and began again. “I want you to know that I truly mean no harm. I guess I got a little selfish, and for that I apologize. I will give the girl back at once, under one condition.” I was afraid to hear the condition, especially since it was notably absent in Edward’s brief summary.
“I will give the girl back as long as you agree to help us if we ever require your assistance… your special talents. You see, with your talents, we would be much more successful at keeping our kind concealed. If you will agree to that, then the girl will be handed over.” His red, cloudy eyes moved slowly this time, back and fourth between Nessie and Carlisle.
We all looked at each other and Edward read everyone’s thoughts, except mine - but he already knew my answer. I would do anything to have Renesmee back. Everyone else agreed, too. Edward whispered something brief to Carlisle, who then passed the message back to Aro. “Like I said earlier, we will absolutely help you out when you need us. We never intended to become the enemy.” Carlisle’s voice was curt and contradicted his smile. Before he could say anything else, Aro warned him of the consequences of the agreement. “You do know, my dear Carlisle and friends, that you could lose a family member in your attempts to help. It does come with the territory.” He shot his milky eyes down at the ground for a moment.
“We understand, Aro.” Edward’s voice was like velvet. I could see that this was coming to an end, and Edward’s short response was a clear indication that he, too, was becoming impatient, anxious.
I was confused when Edward looked back at Charlie and asked him to release his power. Charlie was confused, too, but complied. I assumed Edward felt safer now that the agreement was made - and he wanted to make sure they would stick to their word. It would be pointless to have them agree to something while under Charlie’s power, only to have them go back on it as soon as he released it.
Everyone’s face almost instantly looked harder all of a sudden. I even heard a few hisses. Aro’s face was still joyous looking, though, and he asked the guard to place Nessie in my arms. I was careful not to hold her too tight, although it was hard not to. We all crowded around her, taking turns holding her. I kissed the top of her head more times than I can count. Edward scooped her out of my arms and told her which songs he was going to sing to her once they got back home. She smiled, her eyes lighting up with each word. Esme held onto Renesmee while Edward and I stepped forward to thank Aro, who was baffled by our reaction to our half human daughter. After he said goodbye to each of us, he asked Jane and Alec to escort us back out.
Alec tried to make small talk with Charlie along the way. “That’s quite the gift you have there. I actually felt as though I would be unable to harm a human, no matter how thirsty.” Charlie wasn’t up for talking. He flashed a half smile that didn’t meet his eyes and choked out an almost painfully sarcastic “mhm.” I laughed.
We were welcomed back home by Jacob curled up on the floor beside Nessie’s bed, weeping. He looked too big to be curled up in such a vulnerable position. When he saw that Nessie was with us he stood up immediately and I could have sworn her wiped a small puddle of tears from the side of his face. Nessie was in his arms, laughing with her tiny hand placed gently on his cheek. She was showing him everything that happened through her thoughts. His face was like watching a movie in fast forward, and the expressions went up and down as he processed everything she showed him. Nessie removed her hand from his cheek, looked up at his russet face and said “I love you” before yawning and laying her head on his shoulder.
“I love you too, Nessie.” Jacob’s face was full of relief.
-Bella
Charlie is able to control exactly who is affected by his power. He’s practiced enough that he can just think of the person, his victim, and they will feel too much sympathy to hurt anything. If the Volturi had plans to hurt Nessie, Charlie’s gift could possibly have been the only thing that would have stopped them.
Aro was quick to realize what was going on. Charlie stood there, his eyes beaming brighter than theirs - his face focused, bitter. Every Volturi member in the room became more and more loving as the seconds passed. The ferocity vanished from their faces, slowly, dripping off like molasses. Aro, with an endearing grin on his delicate looking face kept his milky eyes on Charlie as he spoke. “I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this harmless in my life. I feel as though I truly love everyone,” his smile grew deeper. “I can see you are a very gifted family. All I wanted was for you to join our coven, to help make us stronger. It would be so… convenient for you to join us. I’m sorry I have gone to such great lengths in my attempt to have you join us.”
Carlisle, the most reasonable one of us - and the one who has known Aro the longest began to speak, holding his hand just slightly in front of himself. “Aro, I hope you know that I certainly didn’t create my family in hopes that we would be more powerful than your coven. That was never my intention. However, we do live a completely different lifestyle than you do. It would be going against everything we believe and everything we’ve worked hard for to join your coven. I hope you’ll understand.” He paused momentarily, giving Aro a chance to digest everything he said, then began again. ” I want you to know that if you ever needed our help, we would be there. Not as part of your coven, but if you needed us to help you, we would. We, too, do not want our kind to be exposed. So, if you ever need help making sure that never happens, we will be more than happy to help… as long as you return the girl, safe and unharmed.”
Aro jolted a little, as if Carlisle had just reminded him that they had Renesmee. He motioned for one of his guards to come over to him, then asked that she bring Nessie back out. I was biting my lower lip nervously, hoping that Charlie could keep his special gift working. At this rate, we could get anything we wanted from them. I only had one thing on my mind, though. I wanted my perfect, beautiful daughter back in my arms, safe.
The guard left the room, and was back before I even had a chance to look away from where she was standing. My beautiful Nessie was in her arms. I was frustrated, though. I wanted her in my arms. I wanted her to be home with Edward and I. I wanted to watch Edward sing her to sleep, his angelic voice soothing her, making her drift off with a tiny grin on her face.
Aro and the guard conversed for a moment. Edward was listening to what they were saying, and the look on his face slowly lit up with each thought that crossed Aro’s mind. I looked at Edward, widening my eyes, raising one eyebrow curiously. He got the hint and mumbled a quick summary under his breath. “Aro wants to return Nessie to us. He just has one condition.” He stopped talking before he told me the condition. Thanks, Edward. I flickered my eyes between Aro and Edward, growing anxious, hoping Edward would fill me in on the rest. He didn’t. I didn’t push it any further, though, once I saw that he was blowing a kiss to Nessie. He looked so perfect. So loving.
I waited, impatiently, for Aro to speak, growing more hopeful every second that the beautiful mini angel in the guards arms would be free to come home with us. Alice stood to one side of me, holding onto my arm, also becoming more antsy with each passing second. We were all mostly afraid that Charlie might not be able to keep his power working. He’s never had to keep it going for this long, and he looked as though he was starting to get a headache. Either that, or he was getting agitated. Either way, we had to hurry this along, just in case.
I grunted loudly, getting Aro’s attention. He raised his head to see where the noise came from, a smile slowly forming on his face as he finally spoke. “I apologize for the wait my dear friends.” He motioned for the guard to bring Nessie towards us and began again. “I want you to know that I truly mean no harm. I guess I got a little selfish, and for that I apologize. I will give the girl back at once, under one condition.” I was afraid to hear the condition, especially since it was notably absent in Edward’s brief summary.
“I will give the girl back as long as you agree to help us if we ever require your assistance… your special talents. You see, with your talents, we would be much more successful at keeping our kind concealed. If you will agree to that, then the girl will be handed over.” His red, cloudy eyes moved slowly this time, back and fourth between Nessie and Carlisle.
We all looked at each other and Edward read everyone’s thoughts, except mine - but he already knew my answer. I would do anything to have Renesmee back. Everyone else agreed, too. Edward whispered something brief to Carlisle, who then passed the message back to Aro. “Like I said earlier, we will absolutely help you out when you need us. We never intended to become the enemy.” Carlisle’s voice was curt and contradicted his smile. Before he could say anything else, Aro warned him of the consequences of the agreement. “You do know, my dear Carlisle and friends, that you could lose a family member in your attempts to help. It does come with the territory.” He shot his milky eyes down at the ground for a moment.
“We understand, Aro.” Edward’s voice was like velvet. I could see that this was coming to an end, and Edward’s short response was a clear indication that he, too, was becoming impatient, anxious.
I was confused when Edward looked back at Charlie and asked him to release his power. Charlie was confused, too, but complied. I assumed Edward felt safer now that the agreement was made - and he wanted to make sure they would stick to their word. It would be pointless to have them agree to something while under Charlie’s power, only to have them go back on it as soon as he released it.
Everyone’s face almost instantly looked harder all of a sudden. I even heard a few hisses. Aro’s face was still joyous looking, though, and he asked the guard to place Nessie in my arms. I was careful not to hold her too tight, although it was hard not to. We all crowded around her, taking turns holding her. I kissed the top of her head more times than I can count. Edward scooped her out of my arms and told her which songs he was going to sing to her once they got back home. She smiled, her eyes lighting up with each word. Esme held onto Renesmee while Edward and I stepped forward to thank Aro, who was baffled by our reaction to our half human daughter. After he said goodbye to each of us, he asked Jane and Alec to escort us back out.
Alec tried to make small talk with Charlie along the way. “That’s quite the gift you have there. I actually felt as though I would be unable to harm a human, no matter how thirsty.” Charlie wasn’t up for talking. He flashed a half smile that didn’t meet his eyes and choked out an almost painfully sarcastic “mhm.” I laughed.
We were welcomed back home by Jacob curled up on the floor beside Nessie’s bed, weeping. He looked too big to be curled up in such a vulnerable position. When he saw that Nessie was with us he stood up immediately and I could have sworn her wiped a small puddle of tears from the side of his face. Nessie was in his arms, laughing with her tiny hand placed gently on his cheek. She was showing him everything that happened through her thoughts. His face was like watching a movie in fast forward, and the expressions went up and down as he processed everything she showed him. Nessie removed her hand from his cheek, looked up at his russet face and said “I love you” before yawning and laying her head on his shoulder.
“I love you too, Nessie.” Jacob’s face was full of relief.
-Bella
Dear Diary (No Other Option) admin at May 3, 2009 : 9:20 pm --> The familiar downward slanting alley gave me vague flashbacks of a time when I was more fragile, human. Edward kept himself one pace ahead of me, protectively, holding my hand the entire time. He’s still just as protective of me as he was when I was a fragile, weak human. Feeling his hand sewn into mine was about the only thing at this point that was keeping me from plowing down the two cloaked men ahead of us and running to find Renesmee, destroying everyone in my path. I couldn’t do anything to put her fragile life in jeopardy, though.
We came to the hole at the end of the alley, and slid down it one by one while Felix and Demetri watched, their penetrating eyes mostly on Charlie, who was hesitant about ducking into the small, black hole that looked like a drain. He knew we didn’t have a choice, though, and ducked into the drain like opening right before me.
After walking deeper into the ground and following Felix, who assumed the position of leader, while Demetri walked behind all of us, we got to the brightly lit room. I remembered this part. Not so much the room, but the feeling of being reunited with Edward. I remembered feeling his protective embrace, being afraid that it would be the last time we saw each other after only being reunited for what seemed like a minute. I was so confused then. So scared. I wasn’t afraid this time, though. Not even after I saw Jane waiting for us in the elevator, looking at Edward - grinning her pain inducing grin. I had my shield stretched over my family, of course.
Edward froze just as Alice lifted two fingers to her temple. She was seeing something, and Edward was reading her thoughts. They couldn’t say anything, though, so they continued on as if nothing was happening. Edward could feel how frustrated I was becoming because I couldn’t see what him and Alice could, so he mumbled a quick explanation in a low, soft voice which was almost drowned out by all of our footsteps. “Nessie is with Aro. They don’t want to hurt her. Alice can only see Aro, but she said he’s decided not to hurt Nessie. He simply wants to try to get some of our family to join their coven.” He wanted to say more, but Demetri was just a couple of steps behind us, eyeing our overly conspicuous facial expressions. My shoulders relaxed slightly, and a small portion of the anger that was burning through me was extinguished with Edward’s words. I wondered, momentarily, if it was Jasper creating a more calm atmosphere, though.
Once we stepped out of the elevator, we were in what looked like a reception area. Behind the mahogany counter was the tall, dark skinned, greened eyed girl named Gianna. She nodded and smiled at each of us, individually, paying the most attention to Edward, her eyes lingering on his face just a little longer than the rest of us. I could tell she remembered me. Her big, green eyes grew and she half smiled as she realized I was different this time. She looked the same, from what I can remember.
Eventually we were met by Alec, who joined us as we were led through the door to the large, bright, cavernous room. Alec and Jane almost intuitively grabbed each others hands, smiling, their innocent faces so similar. Alec’s voice was animated, clashing with the mood I was in, which agitated me even more. I don’t think I even so much as looked at him when he greeted me.
My body stiffened up when I saw the chalky looking, milky eyed man before me. Aro welcomed each of us with a soft nod, keeping a close eye on Charlie. I scanned the room over and over, looking for my angel. I didn’t see her anywhere. Aro began to speak, and it was relieving to hear his voice, oddly. He sounded pleasant, not angry enough to cause any harm to our gorgeous little girl. “I don’t believe I was given a proper introduction to your father, Bella.” He moved his translucent finger slowly in Charlie’s direction, glancing at him for a fraction of a second, then back at me. “If you don’t mind, I would love to meet the new member of your family.”
Charlie wasn’t up for the small talk. He was almost snappy in his response to Aro. “I don’t think that’s important right now. We’ll have a proper meeting once my granddaughter is returned, safe. And, I’m not a new member, I’ve always been Bells’ Father.” Charlie’s eyes, still a piercing red, didn’t leave Aro’s now shocked face.
“Well, then, I would like to welcome you regardless, Charlie,” Aro replied with his feathery voice. A few unfamiliar vampires almost rushed to Aro’s side, unsure of Charlie’s motives. It was clear to them that Charlie was a newborn, too. His eyes beamed brighter than theirs, oddly. They didn’t know whether or not Charlie had a gift and I could tell this made the Volturi members extremely uneasy. I didn’t mind, though.
I heard whispers and graceful footsteps coming in through the door behind us, but was too focused on Aro to turn to see who it was. I heard Alice softly call Carlisle’s name under her breath, then turned to see Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and Carlisle being guided in by Caius. I brought my stare back to Aro, who was welcoming them all with a genuine looking smile. I was more than thankful to see them.
I thought my heart was going to start beating again, somehow, when I saw Renesmee being carried into the room by a woman bodyguard. I wanted to run over to her and grab her, but I controlled myself, knowing that one wrong move could be fatal. We all instinctively balled our hands into fists and moved in a slight crouch, Edward and Rosalie letting out growls. Nessie reached out her little hand and called Jacob’s name. I smiled at her, hoping to relieve any fear she might have had, then mouthed the words “I love you” to her. She looked at all of us and said “I love you, too.” Rosalie reached her graceful hand out in Nessie’s direction and promised her that as soon as they were back home, she would teach her how to fix a car. Nessie smiled, then in her soft, innocent voice tols us that she misses all of us. Edward promised her that she would be back home with us, soon.
Aro assured us of what we already knew. “We wont hurt the precious little girl. That was never our intention. We were just hoping, that perhaps, instead of sacrificing the little girl, that you would be willing to sacrifice one of your most gifted family members.” His face seemed more serious than normal.
Edward’s voice was brash and toneless, making his response sound factual. “Actually, we wont be sacrificing anyone. What you’ve done, and what you’re doing is wrong. You are here to keep the peace, and we do not want any trouble with you - but if you do not leave my family alone, we will do whatever it takes to make sure we wont have to deal with you again.” Edward’s expression never changed.
The number of guards began to grow and were starting to build a half circle around Aro. They moved in closer once it became evident that we were becoming more and more impatient. I knew this wasn’t going in a good direction, and when Aro asked the guard to take Nessie away, I felt my jaw snap shut, and my upper lip lift exposing my top teeth. I only got to see her for what seemed like half a second, and watching her being taken away, by strangers, was unbearable.
Aro began again, speaking with confidence, knowing he found our one weakness. “I can see you are not willing to reason. We will keep the little girl hidden away, then. Perhaps you can return when you change your mind. Felix and Demetri will escort you back out. I am truly sorry for our last few meetings, they surely haven’t been on good terms. Lets hope the next meeting will be.” He nodded at Carlise, then motioned for Felix and Demetri to take us away.
We weren’t leaving without Nessie, though. I didn’t have any other option. I shot one quick glance at Edward, then at Charlie and lunged my teeth into Felix’s neck, twisting his head audaciously while tearing chunks out of other parts of his body. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward tossing Demetri into the stone ground. I could hear hisses and growls and thunder - like bangs, but didn’t have time to stop to look around me.
Chaos, again…
-Bella
Dear Diary (To Volterra) admin at April 30, 2009 : 4:17 pm --> The Volturi weren’t going to stop at anything. Our coven was becoming more strong and powerful than they ever expected - and they didn’t like it. They were going to try anything in their power to either take us down, or take our most powerful members. The Cullens don’t care about power, though. All we’ve been trying to do is live as close to a normal life as possible, happily. The Volturi, however, have been making the ‘happily’ part nearly impossible.
I thought I had reached my full potential as far as strength goes with the punks who shot Charlie in the line of duty. This feeling - this was different, though. I was lost somewhere between an almost blinding malevolence and fear. Fear for her. Fear that she had been hurt. I couldn’t think like that, though. Every time I did, I became weak again. Bolted to the ground, unable to move, to talk.
Even Edward - my love, my angel, my life, wasn’t enough to even slightly calm the vicious energy that surged through my pale dense body. He, too, was blind with anger. His expression was unreadable, his fists clenched so tight they were somehow more white than normal.
We were speeding to the Seattle airport faster than I knew a car was capable of going. Charlie, Alice and Jasper came with Edward and I - while Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme stayed back to search Forks and the surrounding area for traces of Baylor - and any other Volturi member. Once they were certain no one was there, they would meet up with us in Italy. The wolves had to stay back, for obvious reasons, but were going to contact us if they found anything.
I had to compose myself for the flight that even immortality couldn’t make seem short. In fact, this was the longest flight I’d ever had to endure. At times, I found myself on the brink of breaking down again, unable to move. I tried to keep my eyes closed the entire time and picture us happy again. I pictured Edward’s butterscotch eyes lighting up as Nessie reached her tiny hand out to him and called him “Daddy.” I pictured Jacob and Nessie skipping rocks at the beach, as they often do. Without warning, my lips curled up into a smile when I pictured the time Nessie chomped down on Jacob’s arm so hard it made his face scrunch up as if he just ate something too many days past it’s expiration date. You could never look at her innocent face, those big brown eyes, that beautiful golden hair - and think she had so much strength. She really is a miracle.
My thoughts involuntarily switched to the Volturi and of course, my rage burned it’s way through my body, unable to escape. I had to rest my head on Edward’s shoulder and wrap my free arm tightly around his stone torso to keep my thoughts away from the one thing that could possibly throw me into a raging fury. I was afraid the rage would cause me to yell out loud - or do something worse. I really didn’t know what I was capable of. These feelings were all so foreign to me, unpredictable.
Alice and Jasper kept their eyes almost glued to Charlie, who had the window seat. I could see that his mind was in a turmoil. For a new born vampire like Charlie, it’s normally nearly impossible to be in such close proximity to a group of blushing, blood filled humans without becoming ravenous and extremely dangerous. I could see the struggle in his expression, but I could also see ease, at times. Jasper’s gift for making those around him feel calm was working it’s magic. Alice was keeping Charlie’s mind occupied, too, by asking questions about the game - and fishing. When the stewardess would periodically come by, Charlie would discreetly place his pale hand over his mouth and nose, making sure not to breathe in any of her scent. She looked at him with confusion drowning out all her other expressions.
When the plane finally landed, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. The line up at the car rental agency was far too long to wait in, though. We didn’t have a choice - Edward hijacked a steel blue colored perfectly shined car that was left running, half full of luggage. Like the time Alice hijacked the Porsche, I felt as though I should be wearing a black stocking over my head. At least this car was a little less conspicuous.
We were racing against the sunrise, driving impossibly fast - though still not fast enough. In the distance I could see the ancient sienna walls and old towers surrounding the steep hill. The car slowed with the steep climb of the hill, only a little, but enough to make it feel as though we were driving through quick sand. The streets ahead became very narrow and the colors all seemed to blend into each other with no color distinction between the brick road and brick buildings.
This was all too familiar, yet different at the same time. Last time I was here, it was Saint Marcus Day and the streets were backed up and flooded with people and red flags. Ironic. This time it was much more calm, a typical tourist attraction. Eventually we were close enough that I could see the Palazzo dei Prioro - a wave of emotions washed through me and I saw Edward watching me out of the corner of my eye. I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was - the clock tower was a reminder of how close we were to losing each other, forever. I looked away, unable to juggle anymore emotions.
Alice’s visions had been foggy and almost unreadable the entire time. The Volturi kept changing their minds, aware of Alice’s ability to see them if they solidify their course of action. She couldn’t see Nessie or Baylor, either. Her head was beginning to ache from all the different unreadable visions.
We were far enough into Volterra now that we could start searching for them. We ditched the hijacked steel blue Jaguar XP and headed for the first alleyway we saw. It was important for us to keep discreet, for now. We had a back up plan, of course. If the Volturi didn’t free Nessie, we planned to expose what we are to all of Volterra - or at least threaten to. We were all dressed casually, keeping as much skin covered as possible. We looked like tourists - Alice even had a camera around her neck and Charlie and Jasper were wearing hats.
Ten minutes hadn’t even gone by when two dark shadows approached, walking towards us. One was extremely large, thick. I recognized him, too. Even if Edward hadn’t muttered his name under his clenched jaw, I would have recognized Felix. Demetri was slightly less recognizable, though - his cloak casting a shadow that with the rising sun reflecting off his pale skin almost made him look like an empty cloak. They both eyed Charlie from under the shadows of their hoods with uneasy expressions clouding their shadowy ashen faces.
Demetri reached out to Edward and clasped his hand on his forearm firmly. Edward was reading his mind, focused, making his expression unreadable. I could see that Charlie was using his ability to make those around him feel compassion as both of the cloaked men smiled and clasped their hands in from of themselves gently. He’s learned to use his power only on those he chooses, thankfully. The last thing I needed was to feel compassion for those… monsters.
Felix spoke out loud so we could all hear what Edward was hearing. “Aro has been expecting you. He thought there would have been more of you. If you’ll follow me down, I’ll take you to him.”
We complied…
I thought I had reached my full potential as far as strength goes with the punks who shot Charlie in the line of duty. This feeling - this was different, though. I was lost somewhere between an almost blinding malevolence and fear. Fear for her. Fear that she had been hurt. I couldn’t think like that, though. Every time I did, I became weak again. Bolted to the ground, unable to move, to talk.
Even Edward - my love, my angel, my life, wasn’t enough to even slightly calm the vicious energy that surged through my pale dense body. He, too, was blind with anger. His expression was unreadable, his fists clenched so tight they were somehow more white than normal.
We were speeding to the Seattle airport faster than I knew a car was capable of going. Charlie, Alice and Jasper came with Edward and I - while Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme stayed back to search Forks and the surrounding area for traces of Baylor - and any other Volturi member. Once they were certain no one was there, they would meet up with us in Italy. The wolves had to stay back, for obvious reasons, but were going to contact us if they found anything.
I had to compose myself for the flight that even immortality couldn’t make seem short. In fact, this was the longest flight I’d ever had to endure. At times, I found myself on the brink of breaking down again, unable to move. I tried to keep my eyes closed the entire time and picture us happy again. I pictured Edward’s butterscotch eyes lighting up as Nessie reached her tiny hand out to him and called him “Daddy.” I pictured Jacob and Nessie skipping rocks at the beach, as they often do. Without warning, my lips curled up into a smile when I pictured the time Nessie chomped down on Jacob’s arm so hard it made his face scrunch up as if he just ate something too many days past it’s expiration date. You could never look at her innocent face, those big brown eyes, that beautiful golden hair - and think she had so much strength. She really is a miracle.
My thoughts involuntarily switched to the Volturi and of course, my rage burned it’s way through my body, unable to escape. I had to rest my head on Edward’s shoulder and wrap my free arm tightly around his stone torso to keep my thoughts away from the one thing that could possibly throw me into a raging fury. I was afraid the rage would cause me to yell out loud - or do something worse. I really didn’t know what I was capable of. These feelings were all so foreign to me, unpredictable.
Alice and Jasper kept their eyes almost glued to Charlie, who had the window seat. I could see that his mind was in a turmoil. For a new born vampire like Charlie, it’s normally nearly impossible to be in such close proximity to a group of blushing, blood filled humans without becoming ravenous and extremely dangerous. I could see the struggle in his expression, but I could also see ease, at times. Jasper’s gift for making those around him feel calm was working it’s magic. Alice was keeping Charlie’s mind occupied, too, by asking questions about the game - and fishing. When the stewardess would periodically come by, Charlie would discreetly place his pale hand over his mouth and nose, making sure not to breathe in any of her scent. She looked at him with confusion drowning out all her other expressions.
When the plane finally landed, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. The line up at the car rental agency was far too long to wait in, though. We didn’t have a choice - Edward hijacked a steel blue colored perfectly shined car that was left running, half full of luggage. Like the time Alice hijacked the Porsche, I felt as though I should be wearing a black stocking over my head. At least this car was a little less conspicuous.
We were racing against the sunrise, driving impossibly fast - though still not fast enough. In the distance I could see the ancient sienna walls and old towers surrounding the steep hill. The car slowed with the steep climb of the hill, only a little, but enough to make it feel as though we were driving through quick sand. The streets ahead became very narrow and the colors all seemed to blend into each other with no color distinction between the brick road and brick buildings.
This was all too familiar, yet different at the same time. Last time I was here, it was Saint Marcus Day and the streets were backed up and flooded with people and red flags. Ironic. This time it was much more calm, a typical tourist attraction. Eventually we were close enough that I could see the Palazzo dei Prioro - a wave of emotions washed through me and I saw Edward watching me out of the corner of my eye. I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was - the clock tower was a reminder of how close we were to losing each other, forever. I looked away, unable to juggle anymore emotions.
Alice’s visions had been foggy and almost unreadable the entire time. The Volturi kept changing their minds, aware of Alice’s ability to see them if they solidify their course of action. She couldn’t see Nessie or Baylor, either. Her head was beginning to ache from all the different unreadable visions.
We were far enough into Volterra now that we could start searching for them. We ditched the hijacked steel blue Jaguar XP and headed for the first alleyway we saw. It was important for us to keep discreet, for now. We had a back up plan, of course. If the Volturi didn’t free Nessie, we planned to expose what we are to all of Volterra - or at least threaten to. We were all dressed casually, keeping as much skin covered as possible. We looked like tourists - Alice even had a camera around her neck and Charlie and Jasper were wearing hats.
Ten minutes hadn’t even gone by when two dark shadows approached, walking towards us. One was extremely large, thick. I recognized him, too. Even if Edward hadn’t muttered his name under his clenched jaw, I would have recognized Felix. Demetri was slightly less recognizable, though - his cloak casting a shadow that with the rising sun reflecting off his pale skin almost made him look like an empty cloak. They both eyed Charlie from under the shadows of their hoods with uneasy expressions clouding their shadowy ashen faces.
Demetri reached out to Edward and clasped his hand on his forearm firmly. Edward was reading his mind, focused, making his expression unreadable. I could see that Charlie was using his ability to make those around him feel compassion as both of the cloaked men smiled and clasped their hands in from of themselves gently. He’s learned to use his power only on those he chooses, thankfully. The last thing I needed was to feel compassion for those… monsters.
Felix spoke out loud so we could all hear what Edward was hearing. “Aro has been expecting you. He thought there would have been more of you. If you’ll follow me down, I’ll take you to him.”
We complied…
Dear Diary (Rage. Anger. Fury.) admin at April 27, 2009 : 9:26 pm --> My jaw was locked, eyes frozen on the ground. For the first time since becoming a strong new vampire, I felt weak. Weaker than a human. My hands were rolled into balls, locked and unable to open. I couldn’t move. My feet felt fastened to the ground. Even if I wanted to crumble and fall, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do… anything.
His voice echoed in my ear, vaguely. The voice of an angel. It was calming, yet had a worried undertone to it. I couldn’t make out the words he was saying, though. In the distance I could almost hear an inhuman noise. It sounded like high pitched crying. It was constant, non stop. Within seconds the noise grew - doubled, then tripled. The angels voice was being drowned out by the howls. Right… howls. I felt accomplished once I realized the inhuman noise was Jacob, and that he had at least two other wolves with him. I felt like a child, trying to understand the most basic sounds.
My normal drastically sharp vision was now dimmed. I could still see every texture on the twigs below me. I could see every tiny grain of dirt on the ground, it was just dim. Only moments before everything seemed vibrant, bursting with texture and colors. Now, only dimness.
I was only half aware of the speed we were going, and that I was strapped tightly to Edward’s back listlessly. The trees that seemed so bright and vibrant when we were hunting now passed dimly, almost eerily. I don’t know how I ended up on Edward’s back. My hands were still balled into fists, my jaw was still locked.
I recognized the big white house. I even remembered who lives there. Things were beginning to make sense again, almost. I could hear Edward’s voice more clearly now. It was velvety, flawless. Each word poured out so smoothly. He adjusted the tone of his voice with each word, making it melodic, harmonious.
“Carlisle, Renesmee is gone. She was sleeping… then…I can’t explain now. We need to find her. Please, everyone, start searching all over. We’ll keep going until we find her. I don’t care how long it takes or how far we have to go.” Edward’s face somehow seemed more pale than ever. A perfectly white canvas. His words, however, no longer seemed harmonious.
I looked up at Edward in disbelief. I couldn’t comprehend why he would say something like that to Carlisle. Was he trying to play some kind of sick joke on the rest of the Cullens? They looked scared, too. They were all gone, out the door instantaneously. I felt bad for them, and, I was afraid of Edward. I gazed at him and I could feel that my facial expression was clouded with fear. He looked angry. Too angry to be joking. Maybe, he wasn’t playing a trick on the Cullens.
Edward’s words echoed in my head. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”
Everything flashed before my eyes. I saw Alice bringing Nessie back home to sleep, Edward and I reading Renesmee two stories while she dozed off, Jacob coming by to watch her sleep, Edward and I hunting. I even remembered Edward’s smooth glass lips pressed onto my head after we finished hunting. Then, I remembered the almost deafening howls of Jacob. The last thing I remember hearing was “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”
I was resurfacing now. My comprehensibility was returning. I could hear the wolf howls perfectly in the distance. I even recognized who all three wolves were. Jacob, Seth and Leah. They all have distinct pitches which I’ve come to know off hand from spending so much time with them all when the Volturi were coming for Nessie. The dimness lifted and everything seemed almost more bright than usual now. My feet no longer felt bolted to the ground. I could hear Edward’s voice perfectly clear. “Bella, are you ok. Bella. Please Bella, say something. Anything.”
I was about to say something for the first time when Alice uncharacteristically almost stomped into the house with a pained expression on her face and forced out the words that would make me go from being a stupid lamb to a sick masochistic lion.
“It’s Baylor. We caught his scent behind the cabin. We followed it as far as we could through the woods… but it disappeared. We’re going to split up and track him. Keep your phones on you, Bella… Edward.” It wasn’t even half a second before Alice was back out the door.
Rage. Anger. Fury. I was completely and irrevocably consumed by these emotions.
To be Continued…
His voice echoed in my ear, vaguely. The voice of an angel. It was calming, yet had a worried undertone to it. I couldn’t make out the words he was saying, though. In the distance I could almost hear an inhuman noise. It sounded like high pitched crying. It was constant, non stop. Within seconds the noise grew - doubled, then tripled. The angels voice was being drowned out by the howls. Right… howls. I felt accomplished once I realized the inhuman noise was Jacob, and that he had at least two other wolves with him. I felt like a child, trying to understand the most basic sounds.
My normal drastically sharp vision was now dimmed. I could still see every texture on the twigs below me. I could see every tiny grain of dirt on the ground, it was just dim. Only moments before everything seemed vibrant, bursting with texture and colors. Now, only dimness.
I was only half aware of the speed we were going, and that I was strapped tightly to Edward’s back listlessly. The trees that seemed so bright and vibrant when we were hunting now passed dimly, almost eerily. I don’t know how I ended up on Edward’s back. My hands were still balled into fists, my jaw was still locked.
I recognized the big white house. I even remembered who lives there. Things were beginning to make sense again, almost. I could hear Edward’s voice more clearly now. It was velvety, flawless. Each word poured out so smoothly. He adjusted the tone of his voice with each word, making it melodic, harmonious.
“Carlisle, Renesmee is gone. She was sleeping… then…I can’t explain now. We need to find her. Please, everyone, start searching all over. We’ll keep going until we find her. I don’t care how long it takes or how far we have to go.” Edward’s face somehow seemed more pale than ever. A perfectly white canvas. His words, however, no longer seemed harmonious.
I looked up at Edward in disbelief. I couldn’t comprehend why he would say something like that to Carlisle. Was he trying to play some kind of sick joke on the rest of the Cullens? They looked scared, too. They were all gone, out the door instantaneously. I felt bad for them, and, I was afraid of Edward. I gazed at him and I could feel that my facial expression was clouded with fear. He looked angry. Too angry to be joking. Maybe, he wasn’t playing a trick on the Cullens.
Edward’s words echoed in my head. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”
Everything flashed before my eyes. I saw Alice bringing Nessie back home to sleep, Edward and I reading Renesmee two stories while she dozed off, Jacob coming by to watch her sleep, Edward and I hunting. I even remembered Edward’s smooth glass lips pressed onto my head after we finished hunting. Then, I remembered the almost deafening howls of Jacob. The last thing I remember hearing was “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”
I was resurfacing now. My comprehensibility was returning. I could hear the wolf howls perfectly in the distance. I even recognized who all three wolves were. Jacob, Seth and Leah. They all have distinct pitches which I’ve come to know off hand from spending so much time with them all when the Volturi were coming for Nessie. The dimness lifted and everything seemed almost more bright than usual now. My feet no longer felt bolted to the ground. I could hear Edward’s voice perfectly clear. “Bella, are you ok. Bella. Please Bella, say something. Anything.”
I was about to say something for the first time when Alice uncharacteristically almost stomped into the house with a pained expression on her face and forced out the words that would make me go from being a stupid lamb to a sick masochistic lion.
“It’s Baylor. We caught his scent behind the cabin. We followed it as far as we could through the woods… but it disappeared. We’re going to split up and track him. Keep your phones on you, Bella… Edward.” It wasn’t even half a second before Alice was back out the door.
Rage. Anger. Fury. I was completely and irrevocably consumed by these emotions.
To be Continued…
Dear Diary (she’s gone) admin at April 25, 2009 : 8:33 pm --> My entire body was frozen - departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness in my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog - like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation…
*****************************************************************************************
Renesmee, to my surprise, had a great time playing dress up with Alice. She loved trying on the dresses that were far too long on her and the heels that she could barely stand in. Although Nessie is shy, she really opens up around Alice. She laughs a lot and her voice becomes more animated than normal. Her eyes are always wide with curiosity as Alice explains the difference between real and knock off designer labels and other fashion related topics. I’m extremely grateful to have everyone around, to offer Renesmee the things I can’t. Alice is there for her if she ever needs fashion advice. It’s good to have Emmett because he can teach her to play sports… or at least try. Rosalie can teach her how to fix cars and Jasper likes to teach her about numerous history related topics. I can’t forget about Jacob, of course. He’s always there to keep Nessie protected and make her feel more loved than any almost two year old in the world, pretty much. I couldn’t ask for a better family to help Edward and I take care of our nudger. She is very lucky… and so are we.
Alice had brought Renesmee back to our cabin after the dress up party. She was still wearing a black gown that was way too long for her, and a beautiful set of pearls on her almost translucent neck. Edward scooped Nessie up and brought her into her room to put on her favorite pj’s and get her ready for bed. After Alice left, I joined Edward in Nessie’s room to read her some stories before she dozed off.
Renesmee was already in a deep sleep by the time Jacob came by. He said he wanted to see Nessie before she went to sleep. He was too late, but asked if he could stay to watch her sleep anyway.This isn’t uncommon for Jacob. When he feels the need to see her he’ll stop by, anytime. He often comes by in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. He sits by her bed and sometimes we even catch him humming to her. Reminds me of someone.
Edward and I hadn’t hunted in days, and we were feeling somewhat weak from our thirst. Since Jacob was already with Nessie, watching her sleep, we asked if he could stay a little longer to watch her while we went out to hunt. Of course he didn’t mind.
Our hunt was uneventful, like usual. Actually, it was a little too easy. The deers come out closer to the edge of the forest at night, so we didn’t even have to go that deep into the woods. In fact, the edge of the forest was circled by glowing, round beady eyes, all watching Edward and I - waiting for us to make our move, and we did.
I got my deer first. Edward has this thing with making me go first so he can watch me. He thinks it’s entertaining, still. I don’t think he’ll ever get used to seeing me attack and drain the blood from my prey. I don’t blame him, though, considering he once had to drag me to the nurses office in school when we were blood typing.
Once I was done, Edward attacked his deer so fast I almost missed it. He was thirsty.
The forest was quiet, peaceful. Edward walked quickly toward me then leaned over and pressed his beautiful rock lips onto the top of my head. I am still always completely blown away with his perfection. When he’s near me, I feel like I want him closer than what’s even possible. I want him completely pressed against my body, no space in between. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t get close enough, like I want to drape him all over myself like a sheet and get lost in him. Like I want him to clasp me into his strong, solid arms and never let go. Never. I feel selfish, though. I get to spend eternity with this Godlike statuesque beauty, yet I want more.
I leaned up and kissed him back, pushing the selfish thoughts from my head. I never thought this serene, beautiful moment would be followed by a living hell. Jacob’s high pitched howl was almost deafening. My entire body was frozen - departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness of my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog - like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.
As soon as we were close enough to the cabin that Edward could read Jacob’s mind, he confirmed my deepest fear. “It’s Nessie.” His voice broke with her name. Jacob’s russet fur was standing on end, his teeth exposed and snapping louder than I thought possible. I broke free from my fog-like state long enough to demand that Edward tell me what Jacob was thinking. I wanted him to suck the words back up and swallow them as soon as they came out. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”
*****************************************************************************************
Renesmee, to my surprise, had a great time playing dress up with Alice. She loved trying on the dresses that were far too long on her and the heels that she could barely stand in. Although Nessie is shy, she really opens up around Alice. She laughs a lot and her voice becomes more animated than normal. Her eyes are always wide with curiosity as Alice explains the difference between real and knock off designer labels and other fashion related topics. I’m extremely grateful to have everyone around, to offer Renesmee the things I can’t. Alice is there for her if she ever needs fashion advice. It’s good to have Emmett because he can teach her to play sports… or at least try. Rosalie can teach her how to fix cars and Jasper likes to teach her about numerous history related topics. I can’t forget about Jacob, of course. He’s always there to keep Nessie protected and make her feel more loved than any almost two year old in the world, pretty much. I couldn’t ask for a better family to help Edward and I take care of our nudger. She is very lucky… and so are we.
Alice had brought Renesmee back to our cabin after the dress up party. She was still wearing a black gown that was way too long for her, and a beautiful set of pearls on her almost translucent neck. Edward scooped Nessie up and brought her into her room to put on her favorite pj’s and get her ready for bed. After Alice left, I joined Edward in Nessie’s room to read her some stories before she dozed off.
Renesmee was already in a deep sleep by the time Jacob came by. He said he wanted to see Nessie before she went to sleep. He was too late, but asked if he could stay to watch her sleep anyway.This isn’t uncommon for Jacob. When he feels the need to see her he’ll stop by, anytime. He often comes by in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. He sits by her bed and sometimes we even catch him humming to her. Reminds me of someone.
Edward and I hadn’t hunted in days, and we were feeling somewhat weak from our thirst. Since Jacob was already with Nessie, watching her sleep, we asked if he could stay a little longer to watch her while we went out to hunt. Of course he didn’t mind.
Our hunt was uneventful, like usual. Actually, it was a little too easy. The deers come out closer to the edge of the forest at night, so we didn’t even have to go that deep into the woods. In fact, the edge of the forest was circled by glowing, round beady eyes, all watching Edward and I - waiting for us to make our move, and we did.
I got my deer first. Edward has this thing with making me go first so he can watch me. He thinks it’s entertaining, still. I don’t think he’ll ever get used to seeing me attack and drain the blood from my prey. I don’t blame him, though, considering he once had to drag me to the nurses office in school when we were blood typing.
Once I was done, Edward attacked his deer so fast I almost missed it. He was thirsty.
The forest was quiet, peaceful. Edward walked quickly toward me then leaned over and pressed his beautiful rock lips onto the top of my head. I am still always completely blown away with his perfection. When he’s near me, I feel like I want him closer than what’s even possible. I want him completely pressed against my body, no space in between. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t get close enough, like I want to drape him all over myself like a sheet and get lost in him. Like I want him to clasp me into his strong, solid arms and never let go. Never. I feel selfish, though. I get to spend eternity with this Godlike statuesque beauty, yet I want more.
I leaned up and kissed him back, pushing the selfish thoughts from my head. I never thought this serene, beautiful moment would be followed by a living hell. Jacob’s high pitched howl was almost deafening. My entire body was frozen - departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness of my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog - like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.
As soon as we were close enough to the cabin that Edward could read Jacob’s mind, he confirmed my deepest fear. “It’s Nessie.” His voice broke with her name. Jacob’s russet fur was standing on end, his teeth exposed and snapping louder than I thought possible. I broke free from my fog-like state long enough to demand that Edward tell me what Jacob was thinking. I wanted him to suck the words back up and swallow them as soon as they came out. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”
Dear Diary (Clumsy) admin at April 22, 2009 : 7:45 pm --> I really thought my clumsiness would have disappeared along with the blood in my veins and my beating heart. It didn’t, though. I still stumble and trip, and I run into things a lot, too. I’m not perfect like him. Edward carries himself with the grace of an angel while I am constantly on the verge of tripping over my own feet or smashing my stone like body into a glass door. Yes, I did that.
Then there’s Alice. She carries herself with so much poise and grace that I often wonder if she’s floating. She’s so tiny, and her movements seem almost motionless. Alice, too, is very shocked that I haven’t become more breezy and poised since being turned. I have improved, of course, just not a lot from what I remember and from what Edward and Charlie tell me.
My outer appearance would suggest that I’m at least slightly graceful, but looks can be deceiving. In comparison to Alice’s elegant, almost harmonious movements, I’m pretty much a walking immortal accident waiting to happen - which is why Alice decided to devote the entire day to giving me a lesson… or ten on how to be more “chic”…as she likes to call it.
In order to be the part, I had to dress the part. Alice’s words, not mine. For the lesson, Alice made me wear a cream colored, silk, floor length empire waist gown with black lace trim. I didn’t like the dress, but I loved Edward’s reaction when he walked into the room. His sculpted jaw dropped slightly and his butterscotch eyes grew along with his bewildered expression. Alice cleared up the confusion in a hurry, though. “No Edward, we’re not planning another wedding for you and Bella. You just had your first one not too long ago. I’ll wait a little longer before I start bugging for another wedding.” Great. Alice is unstoppable. I’m not fond of large celebrations, but having a second wedding with Edward doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe one day. Probably soon, if Alice has any say.
Edward’s face retracted back to it’s perfect normal set, almost. His eyes remained larger than normal and seemed to be glued to me. I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to talk to me in private, but he assured me otherwise. “You’re beautiful Bella. Perfect. And, for the record, I would marry you a hundred times. Alice, don’t change my perfect angel too much, please. I love her the way she is. Clumsiness and all.” He grinned then disappeared into the room with the white piano and started playing a beautiful melody. Alice yelled after him. “Oh Edward, if immortality wasn’t enough to nix Bella’s clumsiness I’m sure I don’t stand a chance. It’s still fun trying, though.”
I suddenly felt like one of those dolls that comes with a number of different out fits. The ones that come with accessories like fancy pearls and numerous pairs of shoes. I need to make a mental note to pick a few of those dolls up for Alice. Maybe she will lay off me if she has a bunch of dress up dolls to poke and prod at instead.
Our first lesson was “Graceful Walking.” I have to admit, after a few pointers from Alice, I am actually lighter on my feet. It’s definitely been hard adjusting to my rock like body. It feels harder and heavier than ever - plus my strength naturally makes me thud when I walk. Alice taught me to be more aware of each movement, to think of each step as walking on delicate breakable ground. So far, it seems to be working. Emmett hasn’t been calling me “the vampire hulk” lately.
After completing a number of lessons, we were finally on our last lesson. “How To Dress Elegantly For Your Body Type.” I didn’t know ‘cold hard stone’ was a body type, but in the end I learned how to pair the right shoes with the proper jeans. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the heels Alice tried to convince me to wear, I now know that they supposedly elongate your legs, thinning them and adding height and grace to your appearance. Thanks, Alice.
After she was done with me, Alice thought she should get a head start on Renesmee. She’s terrified of Nessie becoming a “clumsy fashion faux pas” once she’s fully grown. Again, her words, not mine. I felt bad for my little nudger, but she loves being with her Aunt Alice. Besides, once I get Alice those dress up dolls, Nessie will be saved. Hopefully. Edward was back at the cabin by the time Alice finished with me so I went back to be with him, still in my silk gown. By this time, Alice had put soft ringlets in my hair and a white flower in the crown she braided around my head.
Edward was more than pleased…
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Dear Diary (Plotting) admin at April 19, 2009 : 9:28 pm --> Rosalie and Renesmee went hunting together today, alone. It was hard to pry Nessie away from Jacob, but Rosalie… well, has a way with words. She can leave even Jacob speechless, sometimes. Her love for Nessie is immeasurable, though. Rosalie can fill some of the void that plagues her existence by having Nessie around. The main reason Rosalie dislikes being what we are… vampires, is because she will never be able to birth her own child, be a mother. For that, she has an excessive amount of resentment towards me. I managed to enter this ceaseless life with a child. I managed to become an immortal to live forever with the love of my life, Edward, and still have a child. She wasn’t so lucky. I get that, and that’s why it makes me happy to see Rosalie light up when she’s around Renesmee. Sometimes, though, I feel like it’s a tug of war between Jacob and Rosalie. The thing is, Rosalie will face disappointment again one day once Nessie reaches her full maturity, when she’s seven, like Nahuel, the half human half vampire Alice found to prove to the Volturi that Renesmee wouldn’t hinder or harm our kind in any way.
Like Nahuel, Renesmee will look and think like a fully mature girl when she is just seven years old. Her mental and physical growth rate is vastly accelerated. So, if Renesmee chooses to marry Jacob once she reaches full maturity, that’s her choice. Of course, we’d be gone from Forks by that time, too. With Renesmee’s almost painfully obvious growth rate, we should leave Forks soon, actually. However, that will be a whole other diary entry.
Right now, Rosalie is being quite obvious about her plan to prevent Nessie from marrying Jacob, one day. She’s already expressed that she doesn’t believe it’s right, for a werewolf and half-vampire to spend the rest of their lives together. We are each others natural enemies. I get that. This is different, though. Jacob can’t help the fact that he has imprinted on Nessie. All he knows is that he needs her in his life for as long as he lives. He would do anything for her, too. If Rosalie had it her way, though, Renesmee would marry a vampire, or another half human half vampire.
As Renesmee grows, which is seemingly everyday, Rosalie is getting more and more possessive of her. She spends more time with her now than ever, and conveniently tries to take her away when she’s with Jacob. Edward read Rosalie’s thoughts, too. She’s been thinking a lot about Nahuel, and how he would be perfect for Nessie. She even asked Alice some questions about him the other day. She wants to find him again in a couple of years, when Nessie is more mature, and spend some time getting to know him. Like I said, her plan to keep Jacob from Marrying Renesmee is obvious. The hard part is keeping Rosalie’s plot a secret from Jacob. Once he imprinted on Nessie, that automatically meant he would do everything in his power to be near her… anything. If Jacob discovered Rosalie’s intention, he could quite possibly try to destroy her, to keep her from interfering with him and Renesmee.
Lately, Edward has been hissing at Rosalie, more than usual. He wants her to know he will do whatever it takes to ensure Nessie ends up with who she decides. All we want for her is to be happy. Right now, she’s happiest when Jacob is around. Her cheeks plump up into a rosy blush, her smile grows larger than we thought possible, making her eyes sparkle and when she touches her tiny hand to my cheek I can see that her thoughts are almost completely consumed by Jacob. She tells us, too. She talks mostly about Jacob, and is otherwise quite shy. I wonder where she got that from. Most importantly, when Jacob isn’t around, she wishes he was. He wishes he was, too. His thoughts are exhaustively about Nessie. Edward used to constantly listen to Jacob’s thoughts, making sure he didn’t have any undesirable future intentions. Jacob’s thoughts are always pure, though. He genuinely just wants and needs to be with Renesmee. Edward and I both trust him, too.
For now, we’re going to keep a close eye on Rosalie and make sure she doesn’t succeed at keeping Nessie and Jacob apart. Nessie did come from Edward and I, though, so I can trust that once she’s matured, she’ll make her own decisions, like I did. No matter what they happen to be.
Will Write Again Soon
-Bella
Like Nahuel, Renesmee will look and think like a fully mature girl when she is just seven years old. Her mental and physical growth rate is vastly accelerated. So, if Renesmee chooses to marry Jacob once she reaches full maturity, that’s her choice. Of course, we’d be gone from Forks by that time, too. With Renesmee’s almost painfully obvious growth rate, we should leave Forks soon, actually. However, that will be a whole other diary entry.
Right now, Rosalie is being quite obvious about her plan to prevent Nessie from marrying Jacob, one day. She’s already expressed that she doesn’t believe it’s right, for a werewolf and half-vampire to spend the rest of their lives together. We are each others natural enemies. I get that. This is different, though. Jacob can’t help the fact that he has imprinted on Nessie. All he knows is that he needs her in his life for as long as he lives. He would do anything for her, too. If Rosalie had it her way, though, Renesmee would marry a vampire, or another half human half vampire.
As Renesmee grows, which is seemingly everyday, Rosalie is getting more and more possessive of her. She spends more time with her now than ever, and conveniently tries to take her away when she’s with Jacob. Edward read Rosalie’s thoughts, too. She’s been thinking a lot about Nahuel, and how he would be perfect for Nessie. She even asked Alice some questions about him the other day. She wants to find him again in a couple of years, when Nessie is more mature, and spend some time getting to know him. Like I said, her plan to keep Jacob from Marrying Renesmee is obvious. The hard part is keeping Rosalie’s plot a secret from Jacob. Once he imprinted on Nessie, that automatically meant he would do everything in his power to be near her… anything. If Jacob discovered Rosalie’s intention, he could quite possibly try to destroy her, to keep her from interfering with him and Renesmee.
Lately, Edward has been hissing at Rosalie, more than usual. He wants her to know he will do whatever it takes to ensure Nessie ends up with who she decides. All we want for her is to be happy. Right now, she’s happiest when Jacob is around. Her cheeks plump up into a rosy blush, her smile grows larger than we thought possible, making her eyes sparkle and when she touches her tiny hand to my cheek I can see that her thoughts are almost completely consumed by Jacob. She tells us, too. She talks mostly about Jacob, and is otherwise quite shy. I wonder where she got that from. Most importantly, when Jacob isn’t around, she wishes he was. He wishes he was, too. His thoughts are exhaustively about Nessie. Edward used to constantly listen to Jacob’s thoughts, making sure he didn’t have any undesirable future intentions. Jacob’s thoughts are always pure, though. He genuinely just wants and needs to be with Renesmee. Edward and I both trust him, too.
For now, we’re going to keep a close eye on Rosalie and make sure she doesn’t succeed at keeping Nessie and Jacob apart. Nessie did come from Edward and I, though, so I can trust that once she’s matured, she’ll make her own decisions, like I did. No matter what they happen to be.
Will Write Again Soon
-Bella
Dear Diary (Guilt) admin at April 17, 2009 : 8:55 pm --> We were out on a hunting trip when we discovered Charlie’s gift. At first, Edward and I had no idea why we couldn’t bring ourselves to attack the deers that seemed to be almost crowding the forest that day. A sudden, inexplicable rush of sympathy washed through my entire body. Edward, too, was unable to bring himself to harm the deer, which we normally refer to as “food.”
Edward and I were confused beyond explanation. Our throats were flaming, we hadn’t hunted in days, yet we couldn’t bring ourselves to harm the deer. I suddenly felt horrible for even considering it. Guilty. Edward and I stood still in one spot, looking in each others direction, frozen. Charlie watched us, confused by the fact that we weren’t tackling ourselves some dinner. He was just as confused as Edward and I were. Edward, however, could read Charlies thoughts. Charlie was thinking that he didn’t want to see me hunt. He didn’t want to see his little girl pounce on a deer and drain it’s blood. Understandable. This would been the first time Charlie went hunting with anyone other than Carlisle, who insisted on teaching Charlie the proper and discreet way to hunt, and make sure he didn’t catch the scent of humans and turn into a masochistic monster.
After a few minutes of standing still with an almost inability to hunt, the feeling finally started to slowly fade. Edward and I were able to see the deer as food, like we’re supposed to. It finally clicked. Edward heard in Charlie’s thoughts that Charlie didn’t want to see me hunt. He was afraid to see me, his daughter, who has always been so weak and gentle, kill a deer with my bare hands. When he was standing there, waiting for me to attack my prey, he was able to control my emotions, making me feel completely sympathetic and guilty. He made it so Edward couldn’t seem to bring himself to wrestle the food that stood within a few feet of him, either. When Charlie feels anxious, or worried, he can cause those around him to feel sympathy and almost unbearable guilt. For instance, if we were in the middle of a vicious battle, and a vampire was about to attack me, Charlie would feel anxious and cause my rival to feel too loving and guilt ridden to want to attack me. His power is similar, somewhat, to Jasper’s ability to calm. The main difference is that Jasper calms you, taking away your anxiousness. Charlie makes you feel like you love everything and everyone around you and causes guilt to wash through you. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t hurt a fly.
Charlie is learning to control his power now. He has already learned to turn it off when we’re hunting. It still comes on, from time to time. Mostly when Edward gets too close to me. It makes Charlie anxious to see Edward press his godlike lips onto mine. In the middle of a kiss we will both start to feel overwhelmingly guilty and excessively full of compassion. Great. Every fathers dream - to be able to make his daughter feel overwhelmed with guilt anytime he wants.
Rosalie seems to be getting over her hostility towards me, slightly. I overheard her talking to Emmett, telling him how completely blown away she is by Charlie’s choice to be turned, to save us. She doesn’t mind having Charlie around, either. They get along well, and she is in awe of the control Charlie possesses. I think, though, that Rosalie will forever be deeply confused by mine and Charlie’s choice to become what we are. She will never understand why we would leave behind our human lives, to become immortal. Rosalie will never understand my absolute need to be with Edward for as long as he’s alive. Forever. To me, Edward is worth any sacrifice. I gave up my life to be with him, and I don’t regret a thing. Rosalie and I have two completely different points of view, which to me is perfectly fine. I understand her point of view. I just wish that one day, she will learn to at least accept mine.
Right now, Jacob and Charlie are visiting. Jacob is trying to explain imprinting to Charlie. Edward is reading Charlie’s thoughts, and they aren’t good. He can’t wrap his head around it. I think it’s something you need to witness before you can understand it. At first, Edward and I had the same detestation over the fact that Jacob imprinted on Nessie. As Nessie has been growing, we see that Jacob is genuinely connected to her. He wants to protect her, make her happy and always be there for her. As her parents, Edward and I couldn’t be more enthralled by everything between them. She really lights up when Jacob is near. Soon, Charlie will see what we see. I think.
I’m going to go now. I need to go help Jacob try to explain this to Charlie. Edward just shot me my favorite crooked grin and I’m assuming it has something to do with the jargon that’s going on in Charlie’s confused mind.
Will Write Again Soon.
-Bella
Edward and I were confused beyond explanation. Our throats were flaming, we hadn’t hunted in days, yet we couldn’t bring ourselves to harm the deer. I suddenly felt horrible for even considering it. Guilty. Edward and I stood still in one spot, looking in each others direction, frozen. Charlie watched us, confused by the fact that we weren’t tackling ourselves some dinner. He was just as confused as Edward and I were. Edward, however, could read Charlies thoughts. Charlie was thinking that he didn’t want to see me hunt. He didn’t want to see his little girl pounce on a deer and drain it’s blood. Understandable. This would been the first time Charlie went hunting with anyone other than Carlisle, who insisted on teaching Charlie the proper and discreet way to hunt, and make sure he didn’t catch the scent of humans and turn into a masochistic monster.
After a few minutes of standing still with an almost inability to hunt, the feeling finally started to slowly fade. Edward and I were able to see the deer as food, like we’re supposed to. It finally clicked. Edward heard in Charlie’s thoughts that Charlie didn’t want to see me hunt. He was afraid to see me, his daughter, who has always been so weak and gentle, kill a deer with my bare hands. When he was standing there, waiting for me to attack my prey, he was able to control my emotions, making me feel completely sympathetic and guilty. He made it so Edward couldn’t seem to bring himself to wrestle the food that stood within a few feet of him, either. When Charlie feels anxious, or worried, he can cause those around him to feel sympathy and almost unbearable guilt. For instance, if we were in the middle of a vicious battle, and a vampire was about to attack me, Charlie would feel anxious and cause my rival to feel too loving and guilt ridden to want to attack me. His power is similar, somewhat, to Jasper’s ability to calm. The main difference is that Jasper calms you, taking away your anxiousness. Charlie makes you feel like you love everything and everyone around you and causes guilt to wash through you. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t hurt a fly.
Charlie is learning to control his power now. He has already learned to turn it off when we’re hunting. It still comes on, from time to time. Mostly when Edward gets too close to me. It makes Charlie anxious to see Edward press his godlike lips onto mine. In the middle of a kiss we will both start to feel overwhelmingly guilty and excessively full of compassion. Great. Every fathers dream - to be able to make his daughter feel overwhelmed with guilt anytime he wants.
Rosalie seems to be getting over her hostility towards me, slightly. I overheard her talking to Emmett, telling him how completely blown away she is by Charlie’s choice to be turned, to save us. She doesn’t mind having Charlie around, either. They get along well, and she is in awe of the control Charlie possesses. I think, though, that Rosalie will forever be deeply confused by mine and Charlie’s choice to become what we are. She will never understand why we would leave behind our human lives, to become immortal. Rosalie will never understand my absolute need to be with Edward for as long as he’s alive. Forever. To me, Edward is worth any sacrifice. I gave up my life to be with him, and I don’t regret a thing. Rosalie and I have two completely different points of view, which to me is perfectly fine. I understand her point of view. I just wish that one day, she will learn to at least accept mine.
Right now, Jacob and Charlie are visiting. Jacob is trying to explain imprinting to Charlie. Edward is reading Charlie’s thoughts, and they aren’t good. He can’t wrap his head around it. I think it’s something you need to witness before you can understand it. At first, Edward and I had the same detestation over the fact that Jacob imprinted on Nessie. As Nessie has been growing, we see that Jacob is genuinely connected to her. He wants to protect her, make her happy and always be there for her. As her parents, Edward and I couldn’t be more enthralled by everything between them. She really lights up when Jacob is near. Soon, Charlie will see what we see. I think.
I’m going to go now. I need to go help Jacob try to explain this to Charlie. Edward just shot me my favorite crooked grin and I’m assuming it has something to do with the jargon that’s going on in Charlie’s confused mind.
Will Write Again Soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Lucky) admin at April 15, 2009 : 8:16 pm --> We wanted to have Jacob present while Charlie was reintroduced to Nessie, as an immortal. She always feels safest when Jacob’s around. Charlie reassured us about a hundred times that he was ready to see Nessie, so we finally brought her to the Cullen’s house so she could meet the grandfather she would now have in her life, forever.
Carlisle was having a difficult time understanding why Charlie and I weren’t completely savage after being turned. He has a new theory about it. Carlisle theorizes that humans who were turned by vegetarian vampires, are more stable. We still have the almost unbearable thirst, which is accompanied by a raging forest fire in our throats, but we are strong enough to control it. Normally, though, when a vampire is a newborn, they can’t control it. It’s nearly impossible.
Carlisle turned Rosalie, who has never tasted human blood, ever. She thirsts for it, naturally, but seems to have her thirst under control. He also turned Edward and Esme. Edward, as we all know, has immense control over his thirst, which he proved every time he was around my then intoxicating scent. Esme, too, has a great deal of control over her thirst. Her compassion outweighs her desire to drink human blood. Emmett was also changed by Carlisle, and he adapted to the vegetarian lifestyle tenaciously. He actually enjoys his bear hunts, and is making the best of what he is.
Alice and Jasper weren’t turned by Carlise. Jasper has struggled the most with controlling his thirst. Carlisle has had the hardest time taming Jasper, and it could quite possibly be because he was turned by a vampire who went by the usual diet of vampires, and drank human blood. Although Alice’s creator remains unknown, Carlisle believes he could have been adhering to the vegetarian diet, too. James, the tracker who almost killed me, destroyed Alice’s creator, so we will never know. Alice possesses a great deal of control, though. If Carlisle’s theory is right, then it probably means her creator survived off the blood of animals, too. The fact that he had the compassion to save Alice from James, and risk his own life in doing so, indicates he was a more evolved vampire. He had compassion. Compassion for humans.
If Carlisle’s theory is correct, it would explain why Charlie, though a brand new vampire, is adapting and learning to control his thirst at a much faster rate than expected. It would also, of course, explain why I have been able to control my thirst adroitly. The dry, scratching flame doesn’t make me lose reason.
We brought Nessie over to the Cullen’s house to see Charlie for the first time since being turned. Jacob held her the entire time, keeping her clasped to his large, muscular frame. Before we left to go see Charlie, Renesmee showed us her thoughts. In them, we saw her and Charlie playing in the back yard. They were both smiling and he was looking at her with complete adoration. Nessie looked younger in the vision, too. I remember that day clearly. Charlie took Renesmee out to the backyard to help him pick weeds out from around the house. He used to have me help him with it every summer when I was a little girl. Nessie and Charlie spent a good two hours picking and piling the weeds, then raking the smooth soil where the weeds once grew. Her thoughts brought back vague flashes of when I was a little girl, and Charlie would get excited to take me outside and teach me how to do the yard work. He wanted me to learn how to plant a garden, like my mother, Renee, used to.
It was in that moment that I finally realized just how lost Charlie really was in his human life. He really never was the same since him and Renee divorced, when I was just six months old. Then, when I moved out and married Edward, he felt as though he lost me, too. When Renesmee was born, he became more alive. He loved her. She made him see that he wont be alone. She made him feel like he got part of his family back. We knew there was no way he could hurt her, ever. Not even if his thirst became nearly impossible to bear. He simply loves her too much.
Charlie smiled, his eyes cautious, focused. Nessie reached her hands out for him to pick her up, like he used to. We explained to Nessie that he couldn’t get too close, for now. Edward, Jasper and Emmett stood beside and in front of Charlie, just to be safe. He really was fine, though. His throat burned causing his face to harden slightly, but he was able to suppress it. With a great deal of caution, we slowly brought Renesmee close enough to reach out for Charlie, and touch his cheek. He smiled, stiffly, and told us what he saw. He saw himself and Renesmee in the backyard of his house, pulling weeds out from around the house, smiling. He saw the look of adoration on his own face, too. Although Nessie has many memories with Charlie, this one is special because it was the last time she saw Charlie, as a human.
It was an immeasurable relief to know that Charlie could still be the Grandpa he loved being before becoming a vampire. In fact, Nessie’s scent isn’t enticing to Charlie. He says it’s actually rather unattractive. Like Jacob’s. Nessie and Jacob are together more often than not, so I’m assuming his scent is rubbing off on her, making her pungent smelling.
Jacob’s relief was apparent, too. He released his almost smothering grip once he saw that Charlie wouldn’t be a threat to Nessie. I’m still in shock from this whole experience. I still, from time to time, have to remind myself I can’t be dreaming. I’m used to being in a dreamlike state, though. Every time I look at Edward’s angelic, flawless face and those piercing topaz eyes, I still think I’m dreaming. To this day, I can’t believe I ended up with the beautiful golden haired boy who unwillingly sat next to me in biology, fighting with everything he had in him not to kill me.
Jacob is here now, as he is every night before Nessie goes to sleep. He likes to be with her right up until her eyes droop closed, and she slips into unconsciousness. I’ve never felt so lucky in all my life. I get to have the love of my life, my best friend, my beautiful daughter and my Dad in my life everyday. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for more.
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Carlisle was having a difficult time understanding why Charlie and I weren’t completely savage after being turned. He has a new theory about it. Carlisle theorizes that humans who were turned by vegetarian vampires, are more stable. We still have the almost unbearable thirst, which is accompanied by a raging forest fire in our throats, but we are strong enough to control it. Normally, though, when a vampire is a newborn, they can’t control it. It’s nearly impossible.
Carlisle turned Rosalie, who has never tasted human blood, ever. She thirsts for it, naturally, but seems to have her thirst under control. He also turned Edward and Esme. Edward, as we all know, has immense control over his thirst, which he proved every time he was around my then intoxicating scent. Esme, too, has a great deal of control over her thirst. Her compassion outweighs her desire to drink human blood. Emmett was also changed by Carlisle, and he adapted to the vegetarian lifestyle tenaciously. He actually enjoys his bear hunts, and is making the best of what he is.
Alice and Jasper weren’t turned by Carlise. Jasper has struggled the most with controlling his thirst. Carlisle has had the hardest time taming Jasper, and it could quite possibly be because he was turned by a vampire who went by the usual diet of vampires, and drank human blood. Although Alice’s creator remains unknown, Carlisle believes he could have been adhering to the vegetarian diet, too. James, the tracker who almost killed me, destroyed Alice’s creator, so we will never know. Alice possesses a great deal of control, though. If Carlisle’s theory is right, then it probably means her creator survived off the blood of animals, too. The fact that he had the compassion to save Alice from James, and risk his own life in doing so, indicates he was a more evolved vampire. He had compassion. Compassion for humans.
If Carlisle’s theory is correct, it would explain why Charlie, though a brand new vampire, is adapting and learning to control his thirst at a much faster rate than expected. It would also, of course, explain why I have been able to control my thirst adroitly. The dry, scratching flame doesn’t make me lose reason.
We brought Nessie over to the Cullen’s house to see Charlie for the first time since being turned. Jacob held her the entire time, keeping her clasped to his large, muscular frame. Before we left to go see Charlie, Renesmee showed us her thoughts. In them, we saw her and Charlie playing in the back yard. They were both smiling and he was looking at her with complete adoration. Nessie looked younger in the vision, too. I remember that day clearly. Charlie took Renesmee out to the backyard to help him pick weeds out from around the house. He used to have me help him with it every summer when I was a little girl. Nessie and Charlie spent a good two hours picking and piling the weeds, then raking the smooth soil where the weeds once grew. Her thoughts brought back vague flashes of when I was a little girl, and Charlie would get excited to take me outside and teach me how to do the yard work. He wanted me to learn how to plant a garden, like my mother, Renee, used to.
It was in that moment that I finally realized just how lost Charlie really was in his human life. He really never was the same since him and Renee divorced, when I was just six months old. Then, when I moved out and married Edward, he felt as though he lost me, too. When Renesmee was born, he became more alive. He loved her. She made him see that he wont be alone. She made him feel like he got part of his family back. We knew there was no way he could hurt her, ever. Not even if his thirst became nearly impossible to bear. He simply loves her too much.
Charlie smiled, his eyes cautious, focused. Nessie reached her hands out for him to pick her up, like he used to. We explained to Nessie that he couldn’t get too close, for now. Edward, Jasper and Emmett stood beside and in front of Charlie, just to be safe. He really was fine, though. His throat burned causing his face to harden slightly, but he was able to suppress it. With a great deal of caution, we slowly brought Renesmee close enough to reach out for Charlie, and touch his cheek. He smiled, stiffly, and told us what he saw. He saw himself and Renesmee in the backyard of his house, pulling weeds out from around the house, smiling. He saw the look of adoration on his own face, too. Although Nessie has many memories with Charlie, this one is special because it was the last time she saw Charlie, as a human.
It was an immeasurable relief to know that Charlie could still be the Grandpa he loved being before becoming a vampire. In fact, Nessie’s scent isn’t enticing to Charlie. He says it’s actually rather unattractive. Like Jacob’s. Nessie and Jacob are together more often than not, so I’m assuming his scent is rubbing off on her, making her pungent smelling.
Jacob’s relief was apparent, too. He released his almost smothering grip once he saw that Charlie wouldn’t be a threat to Nessie. I’m still in shock from this whole experience. I still, from time to time, have to remind myself I can’t be dreaming. I’m used to being in a dreamlike state, though. Every time I look at Edward’s angelic, flawless face and those piercing topaz eyes, I still think I’m dreaming. To this day, I can’t believe I ended up with the beautiful golden haired boy who unwillingly sat next to me in biology, fighting with everything he had in him not to kill me.
Jacob is here now, as he is every night before Nessie goes to sleep. He likes to be with her right up until her eyes droop closed, and she slips into unconsciousness. I’ve never felt so lucky in all my life. I get to have the love of my life, my best friend, my beautiful daughter and my Dad in my life everyday. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for more.
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Dear Diary (Beautiful) admin at April 13, 2009 : 2:43 pm --> Although I knew it wasn’t possible, I still had to remind myself that vampires don’t sleep. I couldn’t be dreaming. The porcelain skinned, red eyed, beautiful man that stood before me was real. By now you would think nothing could shock me, but this… this was different. Everything I had been fighting to avoid, was standing right in front of me. Charlie was really standing there. He was really a vampire.
At first I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I tried, but they wouldn’t move. I was momentarily unaware of everything else around me. I forgot I was in the middle of a vicious battle. It didn’t matter, either. It was clear that the battle was over. Charlie was one of us now. He was no longer a threat.
Aro hesitantly raised one translucent hand and began to speak. His voice startled me out of my haze. “I can see there is no longer an issue, then. We will go in peace. In the future Bella, remember there are rules, and consequences for not adhering to those rules.” He waved to Caius, Baylor and Demetri, and they were gone before I had a chance to respond. They knew they didn’t stand a chance now, though. Charlie’s strength, as a newborn, would be too much for them. A new born vampire can be vicious, malicious and extremely dangerous. They are controlled by their thirst. As a new born, the only thing you care about is extinguishing the burning flame in your throat.
The wolves had all darted into the forest as soon as Baylor unlocked his lethal gaze. Charlie saved them, too. He saved all of us. I never expected this kind of sacrifice from Charlie. I still can’t put into words how completely culpable I feel. If I would have just kept what I am from Charlie, none of this would have happened. Edward still firmly believes something would have happened either way. He believes the Volturi are trying to take the Cullen’s down, leaving only the gifted ones, assuming that once we become too weak, the gifted ones will join their coven and make them stronger. If they had my shield, Alice’s visions and Edward’s mind reading ability, they would be more powerful than ever. Although I know Edward is probably right, I’m not scared. I know we’re too strong to take down.
After Edward placed his celestial hand on my waist, I felt almost instantly calmer. As I approached Charlie, I could feel a whirlwind of emotions encapsulating me. He was so beautiful. Before I had a chance to say anything, Carlisle spoke, his soft voice answering some of my most burning questions. “Charlie and I went to Vancouver, initially to keep him from the Volturi. Once we were there hiding out, I explained our story to him. We had some time to kill, after all. When he asked if you would be ok, Bella, I didn’t have an answer for him. I couldn’t guarantee your safety. Charlie couldn’t continue to live knowing something could happen to any of you while trying to protect him. He made the decision to be turned after realizing you can become one of us, and not be a monster. He did this to protect you. Please know, that I only let the change happen because he was certain. He wanted to be one of us.”
Charlie reinforced Carlisle’s words, his face certain, his bright red eyes somewhat disturbing. “I chose this life, Bells. Please don’t be mad. After your Mother and I got divorced, I was never the same. You know that, Bells. I felt dead. I figured this life seemed… well, more interesting. Other than the fire that seems to be viciously spreading in my throat, I’m handling it just fine. I couldn’t let anything happen to you, Bells.” He looked somewhat emotional, yet still hard and cold as stone. I could tell that beneath everything, he was still the same Charlie. He didn’t seem to regret his decision, either. Edward was still holding onto me tightly, unsure of what I was thinking. Jasper’s ability to calm seemed to suddenly begin working. I felt fine. Relieved. I no longer had to worry. This was the second time Charlie’s life was put in danger because of me. First with the tracker, James. And this time, with the Volturi. Now, I no longer have to worry. Charlie is one of us. He has the same secret as the rest of us now. To be honest, I think I prefer it this way.
Once we got back to the Cullen house, Charlie explained how painful his change was. He had a difficult time. He went into great detail about the three days. It brought back memories of my change, memories I’d rather forget. Once he was turned, like me, he adjusted more quickly than normal. Though his throat burns with the same flames that ignited in my throat, he has control. Of course, Charlie can’t go out in public for a while, or be near any humans for that matter. I plan to bring Nessie to see him, just not right away. Though Charlie seems to have control, it’s too soon to guarantee that the temptation wont become too much for him.
It’s taking him some time to get used to the color of his eyes. The crimson shade is deeper than anything I’ve ever seen. His eyes are certainly brighter than mine were. Otherwise, he looks like Charlie, just an inhumanly beautiful version of his former self. He’s adapting to the “vegetarian” lifestyle fine, too. He caught the scent of some hikers while hunting yesterday… luckily he had already fed on a deer, so the temptation wasn’t as intense. The odd thing about Charlie, though, is that he continues to go on fishing trips, he just does it differently now. He enjoys the blood of sharks, and because they come closer to shore in the middle of the night when the surfers are gone, he doesn’t have to swim out too far to catch one. Not that it would be a problem for Charlie. As vampires, we have the innate ability to swim strong, and fast. Of course, we don’t need air, either. Like I said, he’s the same Charlie, just immortal now. Beautiful.
-Bella
At first I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I tried, but they wouldn’t move. I was momentarily unaware of everything else around me. I forgot I was in the middle of a vicious battle. It didn’t matter, either. It was clear that the battle was over. Charlie was one of us now. He was no longer a threat.
Aro hesitantly raised one translucent hand and began to speak. His voice startled me out of my haze. “I can see there is no longer an issue, then. We will go in peace. In the future Bella, remember there are rules, and consequences for not adhering to those rules.” He waved to Caius, Baylor and Demetri, and they were gone before I had a chance to respond. They knew they didn’t stand a chance now, though. Charlie’s strength, as a newborn, would be too much for them. A new born vampire can be vicious, malicious and extremely dangerous. They are controlled by their thirst. As a new born, the only thing you care about is extinguishing the burning flame in your throat.
The wolves had all darted into the forest as soon as Baylor unlocked his lethal gaze. Charlie saved them, too. He saved all of us. I never expected this kind of sacrifice from Charlie. I still can’t put into words how completely culpable I feel. If I would have just kept what I am from Charlie, none of this would have happened. Edward still firmly believes something would have happened either way. He believes the Volturi are trying to take the Cullen’s down, leaving only the gifted ones, assuming that once we become too weak, the gifted ones will join their coven and make them stronger. If they had my shield, Alice’s visions and Edward’s mind reading ability, they would be more powerful than ever. Although I know Edward is probably right, I’m not scared. I know we’re too strong to take down.
After Edward placed his celestial hand on my waist, I felt almost instantly calmer. As I approached Charlie, I could feel a whirlwind of emotions encapsulating me. He was so beautiful. Before I had a chance to say anything, Carlisle spoke, his soft voice answering some of my most burning questions. “Charlie and I went to Vancouver, initially to keep him from the Volturi. Once we were there hiding out, I explained our story to him. We had some time to kill, after all. When he asked if you would be ok, Bella, I didn’t have an answer for him. I couldn’t guarantee your safety. Charlie couldn’t continue to live knowing something could happen to any of you while trying to protect him. He made the decision to be turned after realizing you can become one of us, and not be a monster. He did this to protect you. Please know, that I only let the change happen because he was certain. He wanted to be one of us.”
Charlie reinforced Carlisle’s words, his face certain, his bright red eyes somewhat disturbing. “I chose this life, Bells. Please don’t be mad. After your Mother and I got divorced, I was never the same. You know that, Bells. I felt dead. I figured this life seemed… well, more interesting. Other than the fire that seems to be viciously spreading in my throat, I’m handling it just fine. I couldn’t let anything happen to you, Bells.” He looked somewhat emotional, yet still hard and cold as stone. I could tell that beneath everything, he was still the same Charlie. He didn’t seem to regret his decision, either. Edward was still holding onto me tightly, unsure of what I was thinking. Jasper’s ability to calm seemed to suddenly begin working. I felt fine. Relieved. I no longer had to worry. This was the second time Charlie’s life was put in danger because of me. First with the tracker, James. And this time, with the Volturi. Now, I no longer have to worry. Charlie is one of us. He has the same secret as the rest of us now. To be honest, I think I prefer it this way.
Once we got back to the Cullen house, Charlie explained how painful his change was. He had a difficult time. He went into great detail about the three days. It brought back memories of my change, memories I’d rather forget. Once he was turned, like me, he adjusted more quickly than normal. Though his throat burns with the same flames that ignited in my throat, he has control. Of course, Charlie can’t go out in public for a while, or be near any humans for that matter. I plan to bring Nessie to see him, just not right away. Though Charlie seems to have control, it’s too soon to guarantee that the temptation wont become too much for him.
It’s taking him some time to get used to the color of his eyes. The crimson shade is deeper than anything I’ve ever seen. His eyes are certainly brighter than mine were. Otherwise, he looks like Charlie, just an inhumanly beautiful version of his former self. He’s adapting to the “vegetarian” lifestyle fine, too. He caught the scent of some hikers while hunting yesterday… luckily he had already fed on a deer, so the temptation wasn’t as intense. The odd thing about Charlie, though, is that he continues to go on fishing trips, he just does it differently now. He enjoys the blood of sharks, and because they come closer to shore in the middle of the night when the surfers are gone, he doesn’t have to swim out too far to catch one. Not that it would be a problem for Charlie. As vampires, we have the innate ability to swim strong, and fast. Of course, we don’t need air, either. Like I said, he’s the same Charlie, just immortal now. Beautiful.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Shock) admin at April 10, 2009 : 11:19 pm --> “Baylor here, has the uncanny ability to subject your dogs to the most crippling pain they’ve ever felt in their lives. He is quite the asset to our coven.” Marcus was grinning, proudly, as he explained why the pack were on the ground howling in evident pain. Baylor stood stiff, not taking his eyes off the wolves. It was apparent that all Baylor had to do was shoot his piercing red stare at the wolves in order to keep them incapacitated. When he looked directly at one wolf, that wolf would howl, almost scream out in poignant agony.
No one saw Baylor coming. Alice’s visions of him are extremely vague, and of course, even when she can see him, she can only see what he’s doing, not where he is. The Volturi are aware of Alice’s visions, too. They could have simply not told Baylor he would be coming until the last minute, so she wouldn’t see him. Clever.
I snapped out of my state of shock and began to stretch my shield over the wolves, focusing. Nothing happened. I tried to calm myself. Looking at Edward’s beautiful, protective expression helped. I could feel the anger draining from my granite body, and tried again. The wolves were still howling, their eyes weak, their bodies contracting involuntarily. I couldn’t help them. Baylor’s power was too strong. It was overriding my shield, somehow. He never took his piercing red eyes off the wolves, glancing from one to another, keeping them helpless.
“Are you sure you want this to end in a battle, then?” Caius spoke slowly.
I thought I heard Edward’s teeth snap before he answered Caius. “We aren’t going to let anything happen to Charlie… and we are more than prepared to battle if you wont let this go.”
Aro’s milky eyes flickered from the wolves to me, apologetically. His translucent, fragile skin made it difficult for me to picture him in a battle. It looked as though his skin would peel right off, rip, like the skin of an onion. I shot him one more pleading glance, hoping he would see the desperation in my eyes. He turned to Demetri and began to speak, almost whisper. Aro placed his translucent hand on Demetri, to read his response. They briefly looked at each other, agreeingly.
The loud bang made me move into an immediate crouch. Edward stood in front of me, letting out the loudest growl I’ve ever heard. Marcus’s attempt to take Alice down was unsuccessful. Jasper smashed his granite body into him, causing a loud thunder like crack. Both of them hit the ground with enough impact to leave giant grooves in the field. I didn’t have time to think before I sprung from my crouch and flew into Marcus with every ounce of strength I had. I used all my strength to keep him down on the ground before Edward came and began twisting his limbs off, effortlessly. I caught a glance of Jacob’s russet fur and pained expression in the corner of my eye, then, with one swift movement I lodged my teeth into Marcus’s throat, and twisted his head once, completely disassembling it. A fire was already blazing. We came prepared.
Demetri dug his teeth into Jasper’s rock hard chest. His burgundy eyes looked lethal and, for a split second, I thought Jasper was in danger. Emmett grabbed Demetri off of Jasper and threw him, like a rag doll, across the field. Emmett’s bear like strength never ceases to amaze me.
Aro and Alice were standing face to face, maliciously growling at each other. It was almost shocking to see Aro, so frail looking, grab Alice and throw her dangerously close to the pit of fire. She quickly got back on her feet and began to charge at Aro, eventually smashing into him, creating an almost deafening bang. He lunged at her, attempting to take a bite out of her solid, perfect, pale body. Alice was so little, her angelic body seemed so breakable. I had to help her. Without a second thought, I flew towards Aro, piercing my teeth into the back of his neck, freeing Alice from his hold. He turned swiftly towards me and threw himself on top of me, exposing his teeth. Edward bolted towards Aro, ripping him off of me and throwing him, with dominant force, into a tree.
As soon as I could steady myself, I ran over to the russet wolf who was laying in agony, twitching. “I’m so sorry Jacob. This will be over soon. I promise. I’m so sorry I have caused this. Please forgive me.” I hoped he could understand me amongst the blinding pain. Before I had a chance to finish, I felt myself getting tossed, violently across the field, stopping just before the fire pit. Demetri charged towards me, grabbed me, held me above the fire and roared. “In one swift movement, I could tear her apart and throw her in to this pit of fire. Is the human, Charlie, really worth this to you all?” Everyone froze. My face was just inches from the fire. I knew if anyone made a single movement, Demetri would tear my head off and toss me in the fire. He had his strong hands wrapped around my neck, already. The fear and anger in Edward’s eyes tore me apart. He knew he would pose more of a risk to my life if he tried to save me. All he could do was stand there, motionlessly. I wasn’t about to give in, though. I wasn’t about to agree to have Charlie killed. This was my fault. I thought this was it. I began to almost accept that this would be the end of my existence.
Everyone’s eyes flickered behind me, shocked. Alice’s jaw dropped. Emmett’s lips curled up into a half smile. Edward and Jasper looked at each other, confusion dominating their faces. I struggled to turn my head around, then Demetri released his grip. The wolves stopped howling, too. Baylor’s eyes were now fixated on the two men who stood before us. Both inhumanly beautiful, pale, rock hard. One, was Carlisle. The other man stood out. He was slightly different. His eyes were a deep blood red. Thirsty. I could see myself in him. We had the same eye shape. Same hair color, too. He looked so familiar, so beautiful. Then, he spoke. “Bells, I know you would have never allowed this if I would have told you. I know you’d let yourself get destroyed before you’d allow anything to happen to me. Carlisle told me that the chances of you surviving this fight were slim, and that even if you did kill them all, the rest would come for me, anyway.”
Vampires aren’t supposed to be able to dream. I couldn’t understand how I manged to be having this horrible dream. I wanted to wake up.
I wasn’t dreaming, though.
I will write again soon.
-Bella
No one saw Baylor coming. Alice’s visions of him are extremely vague, and of course, even when she can see him, she can only see what he’s doing, not where he is. The Volturi are aware of Alice’s visions, too. They could have simply not told Baylor he would be coming until the last minute, so she wouldn’t see him. Clever.
I snapped out of my state of shock and began to stretch my shield over the wolves, focusing. Nothing happened. I tried to calm myself. Looking at Edward’s beautiful, protective expression helped. I could feel the anger draining from my granite body, and tried again. The wolves were still howling, their eyes weak, their bodies contracting involuntarily. I couldn’t help them. Baylor’s power was too strong. It was overriding my shield, somehow. He never took his piercing red eyes off the wolves, glancing from one to another, keeping them helpless.
“Are you sure you want this to end in a battle, then?” Caius spoke slowly.
I thought I heard Edward’s teeth snap before he answered Caius. “We aren’t going to let anything happen to Charlie… and we are more than prepared to battle if you wont let this go.”
Aro’s milky eyes flickered from the wolves to me, apologetically. His translucent, fragile skin made it difficult for me to picture him in a battle. It looked as though his skin would peel right off, rip, like the skin of an onion. I shot him one more pleading glance, hoping he would see the desperation in my eyes. He turned to Demetri and began to speak, almost whisper. Aro placed his translucent hand on Demetri, to read his response. They briefly looked at each other, agreeingly.
The loud bang made me move into an immediate crouch. Edward stood in front of me, letting out the loudest growl I’ve ever heard. Marcus’s attempt to take Alice down was unsuccessful. Jasper smashed his granite body into him, causing a loud thunder like crack. Both of them hit the ground with enough impact to leave giant grooves in the field. I didn’t have time to think before I sprung from my crouch and flew into Marcus with every ounce of strength I had. I used all my strength to keep him down on the ground before Edward came and began twisting his limbs off, effortlessly. I caught a glance of Jacob’s russet fur and pained expression in the corner of my eye, then, with one swift movement I lodged my teeth into Marcus’s throat, and twisted his head once, completely disassembling it. A fire was already blazing. We came prepared.
Demetri dug his teeth into Jasper’s rock hard chest. His burgundy eyes looked lethal and, for a split second, I thought Jasper was in danger. Emmett grabbed Demetri off of Jasper and threw him, like a rag doll, across the field. Emmett’s bear like strength never ceases to amaze me.
Aro and Alice were standing face to face, maliciously growling at each other. It was almost shocking to see Aro, so frail looking, grab Alice and throw her dangerously close to the pit of fire. She quickly got back on her feet and began to charge at Aro, eventually smashing into him, creating an almost deafening bang. He lunged at her, attempting to take a bite out of her solid, perfect, pale body. Alice was so little, her angelic body seemed so breakable. I had to help her. Without a second thought, I flew towards Aro, piercing my teeth into the back of his neck, freeing Alice from his hold. He turned swiftly towards me and threw himself on top of me, exposing his teeth. Edward bolted towards Aro, ripping him off of me and throwing him, with dominant force, into a tree.
As soon as I could steady myself, I ran over to the russet wolf who was laying in agony, twitching. “I’m so sorry Jacob. This will be over soon. I promise. I’m so sorry I have caused this. Please forgive me.” I hoped he could understand me amongst the blinding pain. Before I had a chance to finish, I felt myself getting tossed, violently across the field, stopping just before the fire pit. Demetri charged towards me, grabbed me, held me above the fire and roared. “In one swift movement, I could tear her apart and throw her in to this pit of fire. Is the human, Charlie, really worth this to you all?” Everyone froze. My face was just inches from the fire. I knew if anyone made a single movement, Demetri would tear my head off and toss me in the fire. He had his strong hands wrapped around my neck, already. The fear and anger in Edward’s eyes tore me apart. He knew he would pose more of a risk to my life if he tried to save me. All he could do was stand there, motionlessly. I wasn’t about to give in, though. I wasn’t about to agree to have Charlie killed. This was my fault. I thought this was it. I began to almost accept that this would be the end of my existence.
Everyone’s eyes flickered behind me, shocked. Alice’s jaw dropped. Emmett’s lips curled up into a half smile. Edward and Jasper looked at each other, confusion dominating their faces. I struggled to turn my head around, then Demetri released his grip. The wolves stopped howling, too. Baylor’s eyes were now fixated on the two men who stood before us. Both inhumanly beautiful, pale, rock hard. One, was Carlisle. The other man stood out. He was slightly different. His eyes were a deep blood red. Thirsty. I could see myself in him. We had the same eye shape. Same hair color, too. He looked so familiar, so beautiful. Then, he spoke. “Bells, I know you would have never allowed this if I would have told you. I know you’d let yourself get destroyed before you’d allow anything to happen to me. Carlisle told me that the chances of you surviving this fight were slim, and that even if you did kill them all, the rest would come for me, anyway.”
Vampires aren’t supposed to be able to dream. I couldn’t understand how I manged to be having this horrible dream. I wanted to wake up.
I wasn’t dreaming, though.
I will write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (They Arrived) admin at April 8, 2009 : 10:32 pm --> The four days leading up to their arrival were, well… torturous. I was on edge the whole time, hardly able to leave the house, only briefly to hunt. The wolves guarded the outside of the house, circling it day and night. Though we didn’t need them there, they insisted on being there, just in case. Every so often Jacob would morph back into human form and come inside to be with Nessie. This was all too familiar. I couldn’t believe how soon I would have to face the Volturi, again, for the second time since being turned.
Rosalie spent most of her time bitterly mumbling loathsome words under her breath, or sometimes just out loud. Edward would get very defensive, though. I couldn’t say anything. I knew I deserved the vexatious remarks. I had a lot more on my mind than seeking Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper’s forgiveness, too. I’ll worry about that later.
It was almost too painful, not knowing where Charlie and Carlisle were. They couldn’t call, of course, in case someone traced the call. We had to take every and any precaution. I still worried about them being on their own. If the Volturi were to trace Charlie’s scent, and go directly after him, Carlisle wouldn’t be able to handle them all on his own. Edward’s certainty was the only thing holding me together at this point. He didn’t show any fear, and constantly reassured me that Charlie would remain safe. Though I was at my breaking point, I knew I had to stay as calm as possible to ensure I didn’t do anything to hinder Charlie’s safety. I also had to keep a brave face on for Nessie. I never want her to worry. She loves Charlie with all her little heart, too, and would be completely heartsick if anything ever happened to him. Nothing will happen to him, though. I needed to stop thinking of it as an option. Nothing could happen to Charlie.
Alice drew out the spot where Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus would expect to meet with us. The clearing. Big surprise. What did surprise me though, was when Emmett and Jasper told Edward they would come to the clearing with us. Jasper made sure to point out he was only coming to keep Alice safe. Though I’m sure that’s part of the reason, I also knew that Jasper wasn’t as completely furious with me as he was when he first discovered that I told Charlie. He hadn’t been looking at me with that atrocious look anymore. He doesn’t really have much of a choice, either. Alice gets snippy with him anytime he snarls at me.
Rosalie was shocked and had the look of disgust on her face when Emmett volunteered himself. He half grinned and told her he was only coming for Edward’s sake. Rosalie didn’t care, though, and continued hissing at him. Everyone was used to her growls and hisses by now.
When you can live forever, four days goes by almost impossibly fast. I couldn’t believe we were standing there, in the clearing, again. It was unusually sunny, making us all sparkle celestially. Edward’s face was expressionless, his lips flat, his eyes focused. He was as perfect and beautiful as ever, though. I had to remind myself what was about to happen and drag myself out of my immersed state of awe. I lightly shook my head, remembering he would be here at the end of this. We both would. Still together, happy. Either of us were going anywhere, ever.
The wolves were laying in a crescent shape in front of us. Jacobs russet fur looked almost unrecognizably lighter in the sun. I could see it pained him to be away from Nessie, remembering the reason the Volturi were here last time, to potentially destroy her. She was safe, though, at the Cullen house with Esme. Someone had to stay back with her, and Esme was the most obvious choice.
The uncommon bright blaze in the sky began to set, and in the distance we saw four figures seemingly floating towards us. My body hardened, froze. Edward positioned himself one step in front of me, protectively. My eyes fixated on them, shifting from one face to the next. Aro dominantly glided a few paces ahead of Marcus, Caius and Demetri, also fixating his milky eyes on us. The wolves stood straight up, their chests puffed out, ready to strike. Alice’s vision was right on. There were only four of them. Jane and Alec, the Volturi’s main weapons, were noticeably absent. I assumed they were left behind because the Volturi know their powers are useless against my shield and they would be destroyed easily, ridding the Volturi of their most powerful weapons.
The four of them were standing silently before us. Then, Aro spoke. “I see you brought your wolf friends again. It’s good to see you have such a tight bond with them.” His lips curled up into a half smile, though it didn’t touch his cloudy eyes. The wolves snarled, exposing their razor teeth. I nodded, waiting for him to continue. He did. “I believe you know why we’re here. We don’t plan to stay long, but we must take care of the human, Charlie, who knows too much about our kind.” He put his head down, glancing up at me dismally.
I could see their mind was already made up. Caius was about to say something, but I interrupted, pleading. “It’s my fault. I told him what I was. He didn’t ask to know. I can assure you that Charlie would never tell anyone, ever. Just please let him be.”
Aro began again. “My dear Bella, you do know you cannot go around exposing our kind, I hope. There are consequences for those type of actions, Bella.” He glanced over at Demetri, then clasped his hands together in front of him and continued. “Bella, if we didn’t think there was hope of one day bringing you into our coven and having the chance to use your gift to our advantage, we would destroy you right now, for what you’ve done.” Edward hissed, leaning forward in a crouch. “I wouldn’t allow that to happen, though,” Edward snarled.
Marcus took a couple strides closer, then spoke for the first time. “We didn’t come to fight, we are simply here to let you all know that the human must either be killed, or turned into a vampire. You have one week from now to decide what you’re going to do. We will be back exactly seven days from now to find out your decision.”
I was shocked to see Alice out right refuse to comply. “I’m sorry, but we’re not letting anything happen to Charlie. He will remain alive, and human. He is innocent, and I can vouch that he will not tell a soul. If we have to fight, to keep Charlie alive, then so be it.” Her expression was flat.
All four men looked at Alice in shock before looking at one another, not knowing what to think. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were just as shocked, but agreed out loud that we could not allow anything to happen to Charlie.
Caius’s burgundy eyes flickered from me to Alice before he spoke. “We were afraid this would happen. If it’s a fight you want, though, we will have to comply. Please know our only mission is to protect our kind. We will do whatever it takes to ensure the human does not carry on with the knowledge he has. Before we battle, though, we will have to take care of your little wolf friends.”
Suddenly every single wolf dropped to the ground, paralyzed, howling in agony. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. In the far distance, Baylor was walking towards us, his eyes bright red.
I couldn’t have prepared enough for the fight that was about to happen. I couldn’t have prepared enough for the twist it took at the end. I will be back to finish soon, I have to go now, there are some important things I have to do.
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Rosalie spent most of her time bitterly mumbling loathsome words under her breath, or sometimes just out loud. Edward would get very defensive, though. I couldn’t say anything. I knew I deserved the vexatious remarks. I had a lot more on my mind than seeking Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper’s forgiveness, too. I’ll worry about that later.
It was almost too painful, not knowing where Charlie and Carlisle were. They couldn’t call, of course, in case someone traced the call. We had to take every and any precaution. I still worried about them being on their own. If the Volturi were to trace Charlie’s scent, and go directly after him, Carlisle wouldn’t be able to handle them all on his own. Edward’s certainty was the only thing holding me together at this point. He didn’t show any fear, and constantly reassured me that Charlie would remain safe. Though I was at my breaking point, I knew I had to stay as calm as possible to ensure I didn’t do anything to hinder Charlie’s safety. I also had to keep a brave face on for Nessie. I never want her to worry. She loves Charlie with all her little heart, too, and would be completely heartsick if anything ever happened to him. Nothing will happen to him, though. I needed to stop thinking of it as an option. Nothing could happen to Charlie.
Alice drew out the spot where Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus would expect to meet with us. The clearing. Big surprise. What did surprise me though, was when Emmett and Jasper told Edward they would come to the clearing with us. Jasper made sure to point out he was only coming to keep Alice safe. Though I’m sure that’s part of the reason, I also knew that Jasper wasn’t as completely furious with me as he was when he first discovered that I told Charlie. He hadn’t been looking at me with that atrocious look anymore. He doesn’t really have much of a choice, either. Alice gets snippy with him anytime he snarls at me.
Rosalie was shocked and had the look of disgust on her face when Emmett volunteered himself. He half grinned and told her he was only coming for Edward’s sake. Rosalie didn’t care, though, and continued hissing at him. Everyone was used to her growls and hisses by now.
When you can live forever, four days goes by almost impossibly fast. I couldn’t believe we were standing there, in the clearing, again. It was unusually sunny, making us all sparkle celestially. Edward’s face was expressionless, his lips flat, his eyes focused. He was as perfect and beautiful as ever, though. I had to remind myself what was about to happen and drag myself out of my immersed state of awe. I lightly shook my head, remembering he would be here at the end of this. We both would. Still together, happy. Either of us were going anywhere, ever.
The wolves were laying in a crescent shape in front of us. Jacobs russet fur looked almost unrecognizably lighter in the sun. I could see it pained him to be away from Nessie, remembering the reason the Volturi were here last time, to potentially destroy her. She was safe, though, at the Cullen house with Esme. Someone had to stay back with her, and Esme was the most obvious choice.
The uncommon bright blaze in the sky began to set, and in the distance we saw four figures seemingly floating towards us. My body hardened, froze. Edward positioned himself one step in front of me, protectively. My eyes fixated on them, shifting from one face to the next. Aro dominantly glided a few paces ahead of Marcus, Caius and Demetri, also fixating his milky eyes on us. The wolves stood straight up, their chests puffed out, ready to strike. Alice’s vision was right on. There were only four of them. Jane and Alec, the Volturi’s main weapons, were noticeably absent. I assumed they were left behind because the Volturi know their powers are useless against my shield and they would be destroyed easily, ridding the Volturi of their most powerful weapons.
The four of them were standing silently before us. Then, Aro spoke. “I see you brought your wolf friends again. It’s good to see you have such a tight bond with them.” His lips curled up into a half smile, though it didn’t touch his cloudy eyes. The wolves snarled, exposing their razor teeth. I nodded, waiting for him to continue. He did. “I believe you know why we’re here. We don’t plan to stay long, but we must take care of the human, Charlie, who knows too much about our kind.” He put his head down, glancing up at me dismally.
I could see their mind was already made up. Caius was about to say something, but I interrupted, pleading. “It’s my fault. I told him what I was. He didn’t ask to know. I can assure you that Charlie would never tell anyone, ever. Just please let him be.”
Aro began again. “My dear Bella, you do know you cannot go around exposing our kind, I hope. There are consequences for those type of actions, Bella.” He glanced over at Demetri, then clasped his hands together in front of him and continued. “Bella, if we didn’t think there was hope of one day bringing you into our coven and having the chance to use your gift to our advantage, we would destroy you right now, for what you’ve done.” Edward hissed, leaning forward in a crouch. “I wouldn’t allow that to happen, though,” Edward snarled.
Marcus took a couple strides closer, then spoke for the first time. “We didn’t come to fight, we are simply here to let you all know that the human must either be killed, or turned into a vampire. You have one week from now to decide what you’re going to do. We will be back exactly seven days from now to find out your decision.”
I was shocked to see Alice out right refuse to comply. “I’m sorry, but we’re not letting anything happen to Charlie. He will remain alive, and human. He is innocent, and I can vouch that he will not tell a soul. If we have to fight, to keep Charlie alive, then so be it.” Her expression was flat.
All four men looked at Alice in shock before looking at one another, not knowing what to think. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were just as shocked, but agreed out loud that we could not allow anything to happen to Charlie.
Caius’s burgundy eyes flickered from me to Alice before he spoke. “We were afraid this would happen. If it’s a fight you want, though, we will have to comply. Please know our only mission is to protect our kind. We will do whatever it takes to ensure the human does not carry on with the knowledge he has. Before we battle, though, we will have to take care of your little wolf friends.”
Suddenly every single wolf dropped to the ground, paralyzed, howling in agony. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. In the far distance, Baylor was walking towards us, his eyes bright red.
I couldn’t have prepared enough for the fight that was about to happen. I couldn’t have prepared enough for the twist it took at the end. I will be back to finish soon, I have to go now, there are some important things I have to do.
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Dear Diary (Four Days) admin at April 6, 2009 : 10:50 pm --> My normally amplified vision suddenly became blurred. Anger surged through my cold, rock body. The feeling of guilt overwhelmed me to my core. My mind was pulling me in so many different directions. I still wanted to destroy Baylor. I wanted to destroy all of them.
Edward could see the rage in my eyes. He stayed calm, promising to keep Charlie safe. Alice was on the phone to Carlisle, talking sternly, asking that he get Charlie and keep him safe. She didn’t give Carlisle much detail, just told him we would be back soon to help keep Charlie safe.
Well, that answered my question about what we were going to do next. I wasn’t sure if putting an angry, thirsty, guilt ridden vampire on a plane for another nearly nine hours was a good idea. I didn’t have a choice, though. We had to get back to Charlie, fast.
The flight back seemed to go by faster than the flight there. I spent the majority of the time pretending to sleep, placing a sweater over my head to muffle the scent of human blood as much as I could. Edward and Alice conversed, trying to seem as human as possible.
As soon as we got off the plane, Edward called Carlisle to make sure he had Charlie there. He told Edward that he was going to take Charlie some place more safe as soon as we got back, and had a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye, though. I’m too afraid of goodbyes. It wont be for long, hopefully. If the Volturi come, I plan to take full responsibility, and will plea with them to leave Charlie alone. It’s not his fault that I chose to tell him. If I could take it back, and tell him this was some kind of sick joke, I would. But I cant.
Once we got back to the house, I could see all the windows were covered, not allowing any part of the inside peek through. Jacob’s Volkswagen Rabbit was parked half on the perfectly groomed grass, being the only car in the driveway. I almost didn’t want to go inside, knowing that as soon as I did, all I would have time to do was say goodbye, then watch Charlie get whisked off.
After a slight hesitation, I finally went in, Edward and Alice by my side. Renesmee ran into the lobby, her beautiful, angelic smile looking up at Edward and I. I knew I had to keep on a brave face, for her. Nessie showed Edward and I how much she missed us. She missed her auntie Alice, too. She also showed us how much fun she had with Jacob, hunting, going to the water to find shells and driving around in his Rabbit.
I walked into the kitchen, where Charlie was sitting stiffly in a plush white leather chair, his hand wrapped around a Rainier beer. It was nice to see they had gotten him some of his favorite beer, and food. Though I’ve been human for far longer than I’ve been a vampire, I already forget about certain human tendencies.
Esme was grilling a couple of steaks, and had potatoes baking in the stove for Charlie and Jacob. After flipping the steaks she slid Charlie’s empty beer out if his hand, then replaced it with a fresh cold one. Charlie didn’t seem to notice.
We must have walked in quietly, because he didn’t notice us standing behind him, either.
Though I didn’t want to face Charlie, after everything I’ve caused, I placed my hand on his shoulder, making him flinch until he realized it was me. Before he could say anything, I began to apologize over and over and told him we would do whatever we had to do to keep him safe. He looked scared, but relieved to see me at the same time. He tried to make me feel better by telling me I didn’t do anything wrong. Right. That’s why a coven of vampires was probably going to come and try to destroy all of us, and him.
Edward kept his arm around my waist the entire time, reassuring Charlie that we would keep him safe. When Esme placed Charlie’s dinner down in front of him, he scanned the room, looked at me and discreetly whispered “isn’t anyone other than Jacob and I going to eat?”
“Dad, vampires don’t eat… food.” I half grinned, thinking he already knew that.
He looked back at me, the fear in his eyes growing more visible. Then he asked the question I knew was coming next. “Do you only drink blood, then?”
I briefly explained how the Cullen’s are on a special “vegetarian” diet, and also told him about the rarity of this diet among our kind. He looked at me confused, then back at his food and kept eating, almost not breathing in between bites.
Once Charlie and Jacob were done their dinner, Carlisle brought two luggage bags to the front door, and patiently waited for me to say goodbye to Charlie. I put on my bravest face, then placed my hand over Charlie’s hand, finding it hard to look into his eyes. If I was able to produce tears, they would have been pouring down my face at this point. Finally, I looked up at him, apologized one last time and reminded him I would do whatever it took to keep him safe. Then, instead of ‘goodbye’ - I let go of his hand and told him to ‘stay safe.’ He told me he loved me, and was out the door and into Carlisle’s car, on his way to safety, I hoped. Carlisle couldn’t tell us where he was taking Charlie. He wanted to keep the location out of everyone’s heads in case the Volturi do come, particularly Aro, and read someones mind to find out the location. We would have to take any and every precaution to keep Charlie safe.
Edward, Alice, Esme, Jacob and Renesmee all gathered around me, each lovingly promising they would be there for me, no matter what. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper still refused to talk to me. Alice would sometimes hiss at Jasper, but he’d pretend not to hear it. Though I hope they can find it in them to forgive me at some point, they really are the least of my worries right now.
Alice quickly distanced herself from everyone in the room and her eyes began to focus intently. I knew this was coming, I didn’t imagine it would come this soon, though. Alice confirmed my assumptions, and told us all that she saw Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus coming to Forks. If I had a beating heart, it would have abruptly stopped when she told me we only had four days. What I found interesting, though, was that Alice only saw four of them coming. So many thoughts flashed into my mind instantaneously.
Without a word, Jacob ran out the door, then morphed into wolf form and ran off. Edward read his mind, though. Jacob was going to tell the wolf pack what happened, and get them ready to fight. His main priority, of course, is to keep Nessie protected.
What happened four days later, left me in an almost permanent state of shock.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Edward could see the rage in my eyes. He stayed calm, promising to keep Charlie safe. Alice was on the phone to Carlisle, talking sternly, asking that he get Charlie and keep him safe. She didn’t give Carlisle much detail, just told him we would be back soon to help keep Charlie safe.
Well, that answered my question about what we were going to do next. I wasn’t sure if putting an angry, thirsty, guilt ridden vampire on a plane for another nearly nine hours was a good idea. I didn’t have a choice, though. We had to get back to Charlie, fast.
The flight back seemed to go by faster than the flight there. I spent the majority of the time pretending to sleep, placing a sweater over my head to muffle the scent of human blood as much as I could. Edward and Alice conversed, trying to seem as human as possible.
As soon as we got off the plane, Edward called Carlisle to make sure he had Charlie there. He told Edward that he was going to take Charlie some place more safe as soon as we got back, and had a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye, though. I’m too afraid of goodbyes. It wont be for long, hopefully. If the Volturi come, I plan to take full responsibility, and will plea with them to leave Charlie alone. It’s not his fault that I chose to tell him. If I could take it back, and tell him this was some kind of sick joke, I would. But I cant.
Once we got back to the house, I could see all the windows were covered, not allowing any part of the inside peek through. Jacob’s Volkswagen Rabbit was parked half on the perfectly groomed grass, being the only car in the driveway. I almost didn’t want to go inside, knowing that as soon as I did, all I would have time to do was say goodbye, then watch Charlie get whisked off.
After a slight hesitation, I finally went in, Edward and Alice by my side. Renesmee ran into the lobby, her beautiful, angelic smile looking up at Edward and I. I knew I had to keep on a brave face, for her. Nessie showed Edward and I how much she missed us. She missed her auntie Alice, too. She also showed us how much fun she had with Jacob, hunting, going to the water to find shells and driving around in his Rabbit.
I walked into the kitchen, where Charlie was sitting stiffly in a plush white leather chair, his hand wrapped around a Rainier beer. It was nice to see they had gotten him some of his favorite beer, and food. Though I’ve been human for far longer than I’ve been a vampire, I already forget about certain human tendencies.
Esme was grilling a couple of steaks, and had potatoes baking in the stove for Charlie and Jacob. After flipping the steaks she slid Charlie’s empty beer out if his hand, then replaced it with a fresh cold one. Charlie didn’t seem to notice.
We must have walked in quietly, because he didn’t notice us standing behind him, either.
Though I didn’t want to face Charlie, after everything I’ve caused, I placed my hand on his shoulder, making him flinch until he realized it was me. Before he could say anything, I began to apologize over and over and told him we would do whatever we had to do to keep him safe. He looked scared, but relieved to see me at the same time. He tried to make me feel better by telling me I didn’t do anything wrong. Right. That’s why a coven of vampires was probably going to come and try to destroy all of us, and him.
Edward kept his arm around my waist the entire time, reassuring Charlie that we would keep him safe. When Esme placed Charlie’s dinner down in front of him, he scanned the room, looked at me and discreetly whispered “isn’t anyone other than Jacob and I going to eat?”
“Dad, vampires don’t eat… food.” I half grinned, thinking he already knew that.
He looked back at me, the fear in his eyes growing more visible. Then he asked the question I knew was coming next. “Do you only drink blood, then?”
I briefly explained how the Cullen’s are on a special “vegetarian” diet, and also told him about the rarity of this diet among our kind. He looked at me confused, then back at his food and kept eating, almost not breathing in between bites.
Once Charlie and Jacob were done their dinner, Carlisle brought two luggage bags to the front door, and patiently waited for me to say goodbye to Charlie. I put on my bravest face, then placed my hand over Charlie’s hand, finding it hard to look into his eyes. If I was able to produce tears, they would have been pouring down my face at this point. Finally, I looked up at him, apologized one last time and reminded him I would do whatever it took to keep him safe. Then, instead of ‘goodbye’ - I let go of his hand and told him to ‘stay safe.’ He told me he loved me, and was out the door and into Carlisle’s car, on his way to safety, I hoped. Carlisle couldn’t tell us where he was taking Charlie. He wanted to keep the location out of everyone’s heads in case the Volturi do come, particularly Aro, and read someones mind to find out the location. We would have to take any and every precaution to keep Charlie safe.
Edward, Alice, Esme, Jacob and Renesmee all gathered around me, each lovingly promising they would be there for me, no matter what. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper still refused to talk to me. Alice would sometimes hiss at Jasper, but he’d pretend not to hear it. Though I hope they can find it in them to forgive me at some point, they really are the least of my worries right now.
Alice quickly distanced herself from everyone in the room and her eyes began to focus intently. I knew this was coming, I didn’t imagine it would come this soon, though. Alice confirmed my assumptions, and told us all that she saw Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus coming to Forks. If I had a beating heart, it would have abruptly stopped when she told me we only had four days. What I found interesting, though, was that Alice only saw four of them coming. So many thoughts flashed into my mind instantaneously.
Without a word, Jacob ran out the door, then morphed into wolf form and ran off. Edward read his mind, though. Jacob was going to tell the wolf pack what happened, and get them ready to fight. His main priority, of course, is to keep Nessie protected.
What happened four days later, left me in an almost permanent state of shock.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Four Days) admin at April 6, 2009 : 10:50 pm --> My normally amplified vision suddenly became blurred. Anger surged through my cold, rock body. The feeling of guilt overwhelmed me to my core. My mind was pulling me in so many different directions. I still wanted to destroy Baylor. I wanted to destroy all of them.
Edward could see the rage in my eyes. He stayed calm, promising to keep Charlie safe. Alice was on the phone to Carlisle, talking sternly, asking that he get Charlie and keep him safe. She didn’t give Carlisle much detail, just told him we would be back soon to help keep Charlie safe.
Well, that answered my question about what we were going to do next. I wasn’t sure if putting an angry, thirsty, guilt ridden vampire on a plane for another nearly nine hours was a good idea. I didn’t have a choice, though. We had to get back to Charlie, fast.
The flight back seemed to go by faster than the flight there. I spent the majority of the time pretending to sleep, placing a sweater over my head to muffle the scent of human blood as much as I could. Edward and Alice conversed, trying to seem as human as possible.
As soon as we got off the plane, Edward called Carlisle to make sure he had Charlie there. He told Edward that he was going to take Charlie some place more safe as soon as we got back, and had a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye, though. I’m too afraid of goodbyes. It wont be for long, hopefully. If the Volturi come, I plan to take full responsibility, and will plea with them to leave Charlie alone. It’s not his fault that I chose to tell him. If I could take it back, and tell him this was some kind of sick joke, I would. But I cant.
Once we got back to the house, I could see all the windows were covered, not allowing any part of the inside peek through. Jacob’s Volkswagen Rabbit was parked half on the perfectly groomed grass, being the only car in the driveway. I almost didn’t want to go inside, knowing that as soon as I did, all I would have time to do was say goodbye, then watch Charlie get whisked off.
After a slight hesitation, I finally went in, Edward and Alice by my side. Renesmee ran into the lobby, her beautiful, angelic smile looking up at Edward and I. I knew I had to keep on a brave face, for her. Nessie showed Edward and I how much she missed us. She missed her auntie Alice, too. She also showed us how much fun she had with Jacob, hunting, going to the water to find shells and driving around in his Rabbit.
I walked into the kitchen, where Charlie was sitting stiffly in a plush white leather chair, his hand wrapped around a Rainier beer. It was nice to see they had gotten him some of his favorite beer, and food. Though I’ve been human for far longer than I’ve been a vampire, I already forget about certain human tendencies.
Esme was grilling a couple of steaks, and had potatoes baking in the stove for Charlie and Jacob. After flipping the steaks she slid Charlie’s empty beer out if his hand, then replaced it with a fresh cold one. Charlie didn’t seem to notice.
We must have walked in quietly, because he didn’t notice us standing behind him, either.
Though I didn’t want to face Charlie, after everything I’ve caused, I placed my hand on his shoulder, making him flinch until he realized it was me. Before he could say anything, I began to apologize over and over and told him we would do whatever we had to do to keep him safe. He looked scared, but relieved to see me at the same time. He tried to make me feel better by telling me I didn’t do anything wrong. Right. That’s why a coven of vampires was probably going to come and try to destroy all of us, and him.
Edward kept his arm around my waist the entire time, reassuring Charlie that we would keep him safe. When Esme placed Charlie’s dinner down in front of him, he scanned the room, looked at me and discreetly whispered “isn’t anyone other than Jacob and I going to eat?”
“Dad, vampires don’t eat… food.” I half grinned, thinking he already knew that.
He looked back at me, the fear in his eyes growing more visible. Then he asked the question I knew was coming next. “Do you only drink blood, then?”
I briefly explained how the Cullen’s are on a special “vegetarian” diet, and also told him about the rarity of this diet among our kind. He looked at me confused, then back at his food and kept eating, almost not breathing in between bites.
Once Charlie and Jacob were done their dinner, Carlisle brought two luggage bags to the front door, and patiently waited for me to say goodbye to Charlie. I put on my bravest face, then placed my hand over Charlie’s hand, finding it hard to look into his eyes. If I was able to produce tears, they would have been pouring down my face at this point. Finally, I looked up at him, apologized one last time and reminded him I would do whatever it took to keep him safe. Then, instead of ‘goodbye’ - I let go of his hand and told him to ‘stay safe.’ He told me he loved me, and was out the door and into Carlisle’s car, on his way to safety, I hoped. Carlisle couldn’t tell us where he was taking Charlie. He wanted to keep the location out of everyone’s heads in case the Volturi do come, particularly Aro, and read someones mind to find out the location. We would have to take any and every precaution to keep Charlie safe.
Edward, Alice, Esme, Jacob and Renesmee all gathered around me, each lovingly promising they would be there for me, no matter what. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper still refused to talk to me. Alice would sometimes hiss at Jasper, but he’d pretend not to hear it. Though I hope they can find it in them to forgive me at some point, they really are the least of my worries right now.
Alice quickly distanced herself from everyone in the room and her eyes began to focus intently. I knew this was coming, I didn’t imagine it would come this soon, though. Alice confirmed my assumptions, and told us all that she saw Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus coming to Forks. If I had a beating heart, it would have abruptly stopped when she told me we only had four days. What I found interesting, though, was that Alice only saw four of them coming. So many thoughts flashed into my mind instantaneously.
Without a word, Jacob ran out the door, then morphed into wolf form and ran off. Edward read his mind, though. Jacob was going to tell the wolf pack what happened, and get them ready to fight. His main priority, of course, is to keep Nessie protected.
What happened four days later, left me in an almost permanent state of shock.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Edward could see the rage in my eyes. He stayed calm, promising to keep Charlie safe. Alice was on the phone to Carlisle, talking sternly, asking that he get Charlie and keep him safe. She didn’t give Carlisle much detail, just told him we would be back soon to help keep Charlie safe.
Well, that answered my question about what we were going to do next. I wasn’t sure if putting an angry, thirsty, guilt ridden vampire on a plane for another nearly nine hours was a good idea. I didn’t have a choice, though. We had to get back to Charlie, fast.
The flight back seemed to go by faster than the flight there. I spent the majority of the time pretending to sleep, placing a sweater over my head to muffle the scent of human blood as much as I could. Edward and Alice conversed, trying to seem as human as possible.
As soon as we got off the plane, Edward called Carlisle to make sure he had Charlie there. He told Edward that he was going to take Charlie some place more safe as soon as we got back, and had a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye, though. I’m too afraid of goodbyes. It wont be for long, hopefully. If the Volturi come, I plan to take full responsibility, and will plea with them to leave Charlie alone. It’s not his fault that I chose to tell him. If I could take it back, and tell him this was some kind of sick joke, I would. But I cant.
Once we got back to the house, I could see all the windows were covered, not allowing any part of the inside peek through. Jacob’s Volkswagen Rabbit was parked half on the perfectly groomed grass, being the only car in the driveway. I almost didn’t want to go inside, knowing that as soon as I did, all I would have time to do was say goodbye, then watch Charlie get whisked off.
After a slight hesitation, I finally went in, Edward and Alice by my side. Renesmee ran into the lobby, her beautiful, angelic smile looking up at Edward and I. I knew I had to keep on a brave face, for her. Nessie showed Edward and I how much she missed us. She missed her auntie Alice, too. She also showed us how much fun she had with Jacob, hunting, going to the water to find shells and driving around in his Rabbit.
I walked into the kitchen, where Charlie was sitting stiffly in a plush white leather chair, his hand wrapped around a Rainier beer. It was nice to see they had gotten him some of his favorite beer, and food. Though I’ve been human for far longer than I’ve been a vampire, I already forget about certain human tendencies.
Esme was grilling a couple of steaks, and had potatoes baking in the stove for Charlie and Jacob. After flipping the steaks she slid Charlie’s empty beer out if his hand, then replaced it with a fresh cold one. Charlie didn’t seem to notice.
We must have walked in quietly, because he didn’t notice us standing behind him, either.
Though I didn’t want to face Charlie, after everything I’ve caused, I placed my hand on his shoulder, making him flinch until he realized it was me. Before he could say anything, I began to apologize over and over and told him we would do whatever we had to do to keep him safe. He looked scared, but relieved to see me at the same time. He tried to make me feel better by telling me I didn’t do anything wrong. Right. That’s why a coven of vampires was probably going to come and try to destroy all of us, and him.
Edward kept his arm around my waist the entire time, reassuring Charlie that we would keep him safe. When Esme placed Charlie’s dinner down in front of him, he scanned the room, looked at me and discreetly whispered “isn’t anyone other than Jacob and I going to eat?”
“Dad, vampires don’t eat… food.” I half grinned, thinking he already knew that.
He looked back at me, the fear in his eyes growing more visible. Then he asked the question I knew was coming next. “Do you only drink blood, then?”
I briefly explained how the Cullen’s are on a special “vegetarian” diet, and also told him about the rarity of this diet among our kind. He looked at me confused, then back at his food and kept eating, almost not breathing in between bites.
Once Charlie and Jacob were done their dinner, Carlisle brought two luggage bags to the front door, and patiently waited for me to say goodbye to Charlie. I put on my bravest face, then placed my hand over Charlie’s hand, finding it hard to look into his eyes. If I was able to produce tears, they would have been pouring down my face at this point. Finally, I looked up at him, apologized one last time and reminded him I would do whatever it took to keep him safe. Then, instead of ‘goodbye’ - I let go of his hand and told him to ‘stay safe.’ He told me he loved me, and was out the door and into Carlisle’s car, on his way to safety, I hoped. Carlisle couldn’t tell us where he was taking Charlie. He wanted to keep the location out of everyone’s heads in case the Volturi do come, particularly Aro, and read someones mind to find out the location. We would have to take any and every precaution to keep Charlie safe.
Edward, Alice, Esme, Jacob and Renesmee all gathered around me, each lovingly promising they would be there for me, no matter what. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper still refused to talk to me. Alice would sometimes hiss at Jasper, but he’d pretend not to hear it. Though I hope they can find it in them to forgive me at some point, they really are the least of my worries right now.
Alice quickly distanced herself from everyone in the room and her eyes began to focus intently. I knew this was coming, I didn’t imagine it would come this soon, though. Alice confirmed my assumptions, and told us all that she saw Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus coming to Forks. If I had a beating heart, it would have abruptly stopped when she told me we only had four days. What I found interesting, though, was that Alice only saw four of them coming. So many thoughts flashed into my mind instantaneously.
Without a word, Jacob ran out the door, then morphed into wolf form and ran off. Edward read his mind, though. Jacob was going to tell the wolf pack what happened, and get them ready to fight. His main priority, of course, is to keep Nessie protected.
What happened four days later, left me in an almost permanent state of shock.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (They Know) admin at April 4, 2009 : 8:20 pm --> Once we were on the plane, reality set in. There was no turning back. The thought of not making it to Volterra before Baylor could tell the Volturi about Charlie, absolutely horrified me.
Something else that set in once we were on the plane? Thirst. This was my first time in such close proximity to so many humans for this long. Plus, I haven’t hunted in a while. My throat began to feel like a thousand flaming needles were pricking it. The smell, was almost unbearable. Though I trust myself, I was still exceedingly thankful to have had Edward and Alice with me, to stop me, in case I couldn’t resist temptation anymore.
I casually placed my sunglasses over my eyes to hide their dark, rich, black cherry color, then slouched in my seat for the almost nine hour flight, resting my head on Edward’s perfectly rounded shoulder. Eventually, I got used to the thirst.
Alice was sitting on the other side of me, her perfect posture and still body emphasizing her angelic qualities. I am truly thankful for her. Her support, understanding and bravery. This will be the second time she has come to Volterra with me, risking everything.
Although the flight didn’t seem long at all, I was more than happy when it was over. The fresh air felt remarkably good on my throat, and the scent of human blood became too vague to scorch me, no longer making it feel like I swallowed hot coals.
We had to hurry. We had to get to the Volturi before Baylor. Alice saw him running, his incredibly fast pace taking him closer and closer to the Volturi. It was frustrating that Alice wasn’t able to see where he was. If we knew, then we could catch him and get it all over with. We needed to be extremely discreet about killing Baylor. We had to make sure that when we did find him, we were somewhere secluded, away from all humans, and vampires. No one, and I mean no one, could know.
I pulled the hood of my deep blue cashmere sweater over my head, trying to disguise myself to some degree. With my sunglasses still covering my thirsty looking eyes, I’m sure I managed to look like any other tourist. Edward picked up a novelty hat at a gift store in the airport, and placed that over his silky, golden hair, along with his sunglasses. He still, of course, looked utterly, almost impossibly perfect.
Alice managed to find a stylish fedora at the airport gift shop. It was a light gray, white and black plaid design, and, when paired with her over sized black sunglasses, made her look more perfect, somehow. Alice seems to be able to make everything look good.
We were on our way over to the car rentals, this time taking a more logical approach than last time we were in Volterra and… well, stole the porsche. We couldn’t do anything to ruin our chances of catching Baylor. If we caused corruption in Volterra, it could have jeopardized our chances of catching him and ultimately, risking Charlie’s life.
We were just about to join the short line up at the car rental agency when she saw him. Alice stopped mid step, and though her eyes were covered by her sunglasses, I could see her lips half quiver, her body become more still than ever, and her hands ball into tiny, porcelain fists. Edward read her mind, then grabbed me by one arm, Alice following gracefully behind. I couldn’t understand the words Edward was muttering under his breathe to Alice. He was obviously answering her thoughts, as to keep the conversation somewhat discreet. Though I had a good idea of what was going on, I still needed to hear it before I could believe it. Edward wanted to get us away from the large group of tourists before he said anything to me, though. If I had a beating heart, I can honestly say, at this point, it would be pounding out of my chest. I didn’t want to hear what Edward was about to tell me.
Once we were away from everyone, in a more secluded area outside, Edward placed one hand around my waist, then used the other to glide my sunglasses off my eyes, and onto my head. Then, he hesitantly looked into my eyes and told me what I didn’t want to hear. “Bella, Alice saw Baylor. He… he was talking to Caius, and Aro. He made it to the Volturi before us. I don’t want you to worry, Bella. We will do whatever it takes to protect Charlie. I promise you Bella, I will protect Charlie with everything I have in me.”
I deserve to be destroyed. Death is peaceful. This, was painful.
I’m going to write again soon. I will let you know exactly what happened. The shock hasn’t subsided yet. I still can’t believe that a couple of weeks ago, I thought Baylor was part of the family. I thought he was one of us. I trusted him. Now, he’s the enemy. The rival.
-Bella
Something else that set in once we were on the plane? Thirst. This was my first time in such close proximity to so many humans for this long. Plus, I haven’t hunted in a while. My throat began to feel like a thousand flaming needles were pricking it. The smell, was almost unbearable. Though I trust myself, I was still exceedingly thankful to have had Edward and Alice with me, to stop me, in case I couldn’t resist temptation anymore.
I casually placed my sunglasses over my eyes to hide their dark, rich, black cherry color, then slouched in my seat for the almost nine hour flight, resting my head on Edward’s perfectly rounded shoulder. Eventually, I got used to the thirst.
Alice was sitting on the other side of me, her perfect posture and still body emphasizing her angelic qualities. I am truly thankful for her. Her support, understanding and bravery. This will be the second time she has come to Volterra with me, risking everything.
Although the flight didn’t seem long at all, I was more than happy when it was over. The fresh air felt remarkably good on my throat, and the scent of human blood became too vague to scorch me, no longer making it feel like I swallowed hot coals.
We had to hurry. We had to get to the Volturi before Baylor. Alice saw him running, his incredibly fast pace taking him closer and closer to the Volturi. It was frustrating that Alice wasn’t able to see where he was. If we knew, then we could catch him and get it all over with. We needed to be extremely discreet about killing Baylor. We had to make sure that when we did find him, we were somewhere secluded, away from all humans, and vampires. No one, and I mean no one, could know.
I pulled the hood of my deep blue cashmere sweater over my head, trying to disguise myself to some degree. With my sunglasses still covering my thirsty looking eyes, I’m sure I managed to look like any other tourist. Edward picked up a novelty hat at a gift store in the airport, and placed that over his silky, golden hair, along with his sunglasses. He still, of course, looked utterly, almost impossibly perfect.
Alice managed to find a stylish fedora at the airport gift shop. It was a light gray, white and black plaid design, and, when paired with her over sized black sunglasses, made her look more perfect, somehow. Alice seems to be able to make everything look good.
We were on our way over to the car rentals, this time taking a more logical approach than last time we were in Volterra and… well, stole the porsche. We couldn’t do anything to ruin our chances of catching Baylor. If we caused corruption in Volterra, it could have jeopardized our chances of catching him and ultimately, risking Charlie’s life.
We were just about to join the short line up at the car rental agency when she saw him. Alice stopped mid step, and though her eyes were covered by her sunglasses, I could see her lips half quiver, her body become more still than ever, and her hands ball into tiny, porcelain fists. Edward read her mind, then grabbed me by one arm, Alice following gracefully behind. I couldn’t understand the words Edward was muttering under his breathe to Alice. He was obviously answering her thoughts, as to keep the conversation somewhat discreet. Though I had a good idea of what was going on, I still needed to hear it before I could believe it. Edward wanted to get us away from the large group of tourists before he said anything to me, though. If I had a beating heart, I can honestly say, at this point, it would be pounding out of my chest. I didn’t want to hear what Edward was about to tell me.
Once we were away from everyone, in a more secluded area outside, Edward placed one hand around my waist, then used the other to glide my sunglasses off my eyes, and onto my head. Then, he hesitantly looked into my eyes and told me what I didn’t want to hear. “Bella, Alice saw Baylor. He… he was talking to Caius, and Aro. He made it to the Volturi before us. I don’t want you to worry, Bella. We will do whatever it takes to protect Charlie. I promise you Bella, I will protect Charlie with everything I have in me.”
I deserve to be destroyed. Death is peaceful. This, was painful.
I’m going to write again soon. I will let you know exactly what happened. The shock hasn’t subsided yet. I still can’t believe that a couple of weeks ago, I thought Baylor was part of the family. I thought he was one of us. I trusted him. Now, he’s the enemy. The rival.
-Bella
Dear Diary ( Deliberation) admin at April 2, 2009 : 9:48 pm --> Before I knew what was happening, Edward gave me a quick half kiss on my forehead, and flew out the door, and into his car. It didn’t even take me a second to figure out what he was doing. Edward was going after Baylor… to try to destroy him, before he could make it to Volterra, and tell the Volturi about Charlie’s understanding of what we are. I couldn’t let him do this alone. I couldn’t let anything happen to him.
I was out the door within seconds after Edward, just making it into his car before he took off. Though he demanded I stay behind, I knew there was no way I could do that. Between the two of us, I am the new born and therefore the strongest, after all. I planned to use my shield, too, which Edward seemed to have forgotten about.
I noticed a yellow porsche behind us, weaving in and out of cars trying to catch up with us. Alice was coming to help. It was relieving to know she would be with us. Her visions would be more than helpful. Or so we thought. As time went by, we realized, somehow, that Alice couldn’t see where Baylor was, only what he was doing. For instance, if Baylor was in Volterra, Alice would not be able to see that, but if he was hunting, running or boarding a plane, she could see that. This must be part of Baylor’s block. The same one that prevents Edward from reading his mind.
Almost instantaneously, a frustrated, nearly lethal look took over Edward’s perfectly sculpted face. He became enraged. Not over the fact that I told Charlie, and posed risk to our family, but because he believes Baylor was sent to us, from the Volturi. Edward believes Baylor’s entire story was fabricated, and that he was really a new vampire, turned by someone form the Volturi coven, sent to us to find a reason for the Volturi to Battle us, again. It’s clear that they’re still angry about being outnumbered during our last run in.
It all started to make sense. As a human, Baylor must have stood out to the Volturi somehow, which intrigued them. Once they turned him, and realized Aro couldn’t read his mind, they knew Edward would not be able to either, so they sent him to Forks to investigate and observe us, looking for some reason to come back to Forks.
Once we got to the airport, Alice parked her car and glided swiftly into the back seat of Edward’s car. With a half grin, she handed us each something familiar looking. Our passports. What would we do without Alice. Then, in her always optimistic sounding voice, she made something clear to us. “We can’t destroy Baylor. If we do, the Volturi will know that we’re hiding something, which will bring them back to Forks. Even if they didn’t find out about Charlie knowing, they would want to try to destroy us for killing someone from their coven.”
Alice was right. All hope of stopping the Volturi from finding out was diminishing, fast. We didn’t have much time. Another battle was about to ensue, and this time, they had the help of Baylor, a strong, ferocious newborn. We didn’t have anybody. I already knew there was no way I was asking anyone for help. This is completely my fault, and, I would have to fight my own battle. Plus, I already know Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper wouldn’t even consider helping me, not this time.
Alice couldn’t get a clear vision of where Baylor was, but she could see that he was hunting, a human. Baylor isn’t really a “vegetarian”, either. While he was in Forks, he hunted only animals because of the Volturi’s orders. Of course they wouldn’t let him hunt humans, not here, while trying to make us believe he wanted to become a vegetarian.
We sat in the car for a few moments, deliberating, coming up came up with a few different options, but everything kept leading us back to destroying Baylor. Finally, Edward made the decision. He decided to take the risk. We would try to catch up to Baylor, and destroy him before he told the Volturi about Charlie. Our assumption was that once the Volturi discovered Baylor wasn’t coming back, they would either assume he ran away from their coven, or, he was destroyed by a Nomad. And, if in the end they did suspect us, we would just have to battle it out. At least if we catch Baylor, and destroy him, there’s a slightly less chance of a battle taking place, and most importantly, Charlie’s life will not be in jeopardy if Baylor never gets the chance to tell the Volturi about his knowledge of what we really are.
In the meantime, Esme and Carlisle are watching over Charlie, just to be safe. I can’t… no, make that wont, let anything happen to him. I’ve asked Esme and Carlisle to not mention anything to Charlie. I don’t want him to be affected by this in anyway. I told Charlie about what I am so I wouldn’t have to lie to him anymore. Now, I’m still lying, and I’ve posed a lot of risk onto my entire family, Charlie included. It seems like I am never going to stop causing problems for the Cullens. No matter what I do, though, Edward is always by my side. He keeps telling me this isn’t my fault. He sees how much regret I feel from all of this. Edward believes, though, that the Volturi would have found anything on us. Any excuse to battle us. If it wasn’t me telling Charlie, it would have been something else.
For now, I have to go. I plan to let you all know the final outcome as soon as everything has settled. My life is completely chaotic right now, but I will write another diary entry soon.
Stay safe everyone.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Drama. Vampire Style) admin at March 31, 2009 : 8:55 pm --> I should have mentioned it to them… all of them. I didn’t want Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper or Baylor to become angry with me, so I didn’t tell them of my plans to let Charlie know about what I’ve become. Alice, Esme, Edward and of course Carlisle were the only ones I told.
After Edward called Carlisle to come help with Charlie and his fainting episode, Carlisle then called Esme at the Cullen house to let her know he would be late, and briefly explained what had happened to Charlie. Esme was on the home office phone thinking no one could hear her when she asked Carlisle “Does Charlie know about Bella now?” Followed up by “He fainted after she showed him her skin? Is he ok?”
Somehow Rosalie overheard Esme. Great.
My return to the Cullen house after that was less welcoming than the very first time I had visited, as a human. As soon as Edward, Nessie and I walked through the door, I heard a low heinous growl. Alice glided over to us and whispered the words I was afraid of. “They know”
I didn’t have a second to ask Alice any questions before Rosalie was face to face with me, her lips pulled over her perfect teeth. Edward and Alice crouched in front of me, Edward letting out a deep growl. It’s odd how they’re all so quick to forget that I’m technically stronger than any of them, from being a newborn. No matter what, though, Edward will eternally feel protective of me.
Rosalie didn’t give me a second to explain before she started to interrogate me.
“What will you do when the Volturi find out, Bella?”
“Did you even think to run this past the rest if us?”
Then the last question, this one hurt.
“How could you risk your own daughters life like that?”
Edward’s voice echoed off the white walls as he lashed back at Rosalie. Somehow, this turned into a brawl between just the two of them. I couldn’t let it be this way. This is my fault. I began an attempt to explain myself, but Edward’s voice drowned mine out and Rosalie wouldn’t even look at me, anyway.
Jasper, Emmett and Baylor were completely siding with Rosalie, and even questioned my commitment to this family. Esme and Carlisle swiftly leaped down the stairs at this point, and Carlisle asked that we discuss this in a more “respectable manner.” Rosalie kept going with the jabs, though.
“Why should we respect Bella when she can’t follow a simple rule?”
I tried and tried to reassure them all that Charlie wouldn’t tell a soul. I tried to explain how hard it is to have a living human family member who I have to lie to everyday. How hard it is to no longer be able to spend much time with Charlie, and to have no explanation for him when he’s asks me why.
I could see Emmett was beginning to moderately understand my points. He placed his arm around Rosalie, who was still giving me that cadaverous glare. Jasper was clearly enraged, too. Lucky for me, though, Alice was quick to rebuttal anything he said, in my defense.
Edward was half arguing with people’s thoughts, and half arguing actual spoken words, which got confusing, of course.
At one point everyone was growling over each other, no one listening to one another, when Nessie slowly walked towards Rosalie and placed one hand on her cheek.
Rosalie’s face slowly relaxed, her eyes seeming less lethal. Edward had already read Rosalie’s thoughts and mumbled three quick words out loud. “Nessie is scared”.
In what seemed like a fraction of a moment, Baylor hurried upstairs, Alice and Jasper went and sat in front of the television, Emmett and Rosalie stormed off into the garage and Carlisle and Esme took Nessie into the backyard and called Jacob to come be with her.
Edward and I stood in the front lobby of the house, stunned, staring at each other. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t take it back. Charlie already knows.
In one instantaneous move, Edward placed his arm around me, holding me in his tight, protective grip. I placed my head on his shoulder and let him into my mind. I needed him to see how truly horrible I felt for risking any danger to the Cullen’s, and how regretful I am for posing any danger on our beautiful little Nessie.
I just wish they could see and place as much trust in Charlie as I do. I’ve been back to Charlie’s house, and gave him the long version of our story, once he was sitting down, of course. He wont tell anyone, I know he wont. Another thing, too, is that Charlie’s line of work has required him to keep numerous secrets from the towns people on many occasions.
Before I could finish my train of thought, Baylor almost silently flew down the stairs with the one small khaki colored bag he had brought with him, walked past Edward and I without even glancing at us, and flew out the door.
Alice gracefully walked back into the lobby from the t.v room, her eyes focused, body graceful, yet tense. I swiftly glanced at Edward, who was giving Alice a knowing stare. Alice was having a vision and I knew it wasn’t good.
Alice and Edward took me outside, where no one could hear us, and told me that Baylor was going to the Volturi…
To Be Continued…
-Bella
After Edward called Carlisle to come help with Charlie and his fainting episode, Carlisle then called Esme at the Cullen house to let her know he would be late, and briefly explained what had happened to Charlie. Esme was on the home office phone thinking no one could hear her when she asked Carlisle “Does Charlie know about Bella now?” Followed up by “He fainted after she showed him her skin? Is he ok?”
Somehow Rosalie overheard Esme. Great.
My return to the Cullen house after that was less welcoming than the very first time I had visited, as a human. As soon as Edward, Nessie and I walked through the door, I heard a low heinous growl. Alice glided over to us and whispered the words I was afraid of. “They know”
I didn’t have a second to ask Alice any questions before Rosalie was face to face with me, her lips pulled over her perfect teeth. Edward and Alice crouched in front of me, Edward letting out a deep growl. It’s odd how they’re all so quick to forget that I’m technically stronger than any of them, from being a newborn. No matter what, though, Edward will eternally feel protective of me.
Rosalie didn’t give me a second to explain before she started to interrogate me.
“What will you do when the Volturi find out, Bella?”
“Did you even think to run this past the rest if us?”
Then the last question, this one hurt.
“How could you risk your own daughters life like that?”
Edward’s voice echoed off the white walls as he lashed back at Rosalie. Somehow, this turned into a brawl between just the two of them. I couldn’t let it be this way. This is my fault. I began an attempt to explain myself, but Edward’s voice drowned mine out and Rosalie wouldn’t even look at me, anyway.
Jasper, Emmett and Baylor were completely siding with Rosalie, and even questioned my commitment to this family. Esme and Carlisle swiftly leaped down the stairs at this point, and Carlisle asked that we discuss this in a more “respectable manner.” Rosalie kept going with the jabs, though.
“Why should we respect Bella when she can’t follow a simple rule?”
I tried and tried to reassure them all that Charlie wouldn’t tell a soul. I tried to explain how hard it is to have a living human family member who I have to lie to everyday. How hard it is to no longer be able to spend much time with Charlie, and to have no explanation for him when he’s asks me why.
I could see Emmett was beginning to moderately understand my points. He placed his arm around Rosalie, who was still giving me that cadaverous glare. Jasper was clearly enraged, too. Lucky for me, though, Alice was quick to rebuttal anything he said, in my defense.
Edward was half arguing with people’s thoughts, and half arguing actual spoken words, which got confusing, of course.
At one point everyone was growling over each other, no one listening to one another, when Nessie slowly walked towards Rosalie and placed one hand on her cheek.
Rosalie’s face slowly relaxed, her eyes seeming less lethal. Edward had already read Rosalie’s thoughts and mumbled three quick words out loud. “Nessie is scared”.
In what seemed like a fraction of a moment, Baylor hurried upstairs, Alice and Jasper went and sat in front of the television, Emmett and Rosalie stormed off into the garage and Carlisle and Esme took Nessie into the backyard and called Jacob to come be with her.
Edward and I stood in the front lobby of the house, stunned, staring at each other. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t take it back. Charlie already knows.
In one instantaneous move, Edward placed his arm around me, holding me in his tight, protective grip. I placed my head on his shoulder and let him into my mind. I needed him to see how truly horrible I felt for risking any danger to the Cullen’s, and how regretful I am for posing any danger on our beautiful little Nessie.
I just wish they could see and place as much trust in Charlie as I do. I’ve been back to Charlie’s house, and gave him the long version of our story, once he was sitting down, of course. He wont tell anyone, I know he wont. Another thing, too, is that Charlie’s line of work has required him to keep numerous secrets from the towns people on many occasions.
Before I could finish my train of thought, Baylor almost silently flew down the stairs with the one small khaki colored bag he had brought with him, walked past Edward and I without even glancing at us, and flew out the door.
Alice gracefully walked back into the lobby from the t.v room, her eyes focused, body graceful, yet tense. I swiftly glanced at Edward, who was giving Alice a knowing stare. Alice was having a vision and I knew it wasn’t good.
Alice and Edward took me outside, where no one could hear us, and told me that Baylor was going to the Volturi…
To Be Continued…
-Bella
Dear Diary (Reveal) admin at March 29, 2009 : 8:22 pm --> He didn’t take it well. In fact, he is pretty much in disbelief. It was expected, though. I had a hard time actually saying what I am. Oddly, when I tried to say the word “vampire” to Charlie, it got caught in my throat. Edward had to finish my sentence for me. Then, after Edward blurted it out, I actually considered denying it… until I realized how crazy that would have made Edward seem. It didn’t help that Charlie asked Edward to repeat himself, four times.
The funny thing is, when I say that I’m a vampire out loud, I start to question my own sanity. All the myths and stereotypes I heard growing up have lead me with a distorted view of what a vampire really is. If I learn to let go of those preconceived notions, I think I will start to accept and more readily believe that I am in fact, a vampire.
The whole time we were explaining ourselves to Charlie, Edward could, of course, read his thoughts. This was very frustrating for me because I wanted so badly to know what Charlie was really thinking. I didn’t want to make him scared or uncomfortable. Edward shot me the odd reassuring glance, though, to let me know it was ok.
Charlie spent the majority of the conversation with his hand wrapped tightly around his Rainier beer, knuckles turning whiter than mine. A few beads of sweat drizzled down his face, and it looked like he was taking in deeper breaths than necessary for any human. Once we finished talking, we asked him if we could step outside in the back yard, while the sun was shining, to show him how our skin glistens. He said he’d “rather not.” Typical. We went outside anyway, though. His curiosity got the best of him, and he followed us.
I was wearing a loose fitting, short sleeved peach colored dress cut just below my knee. As soon as I stepped out into the sun, Charlie’s eyes lit up and his face had so many inexplicable expressions. I, was petrified. Again, Edwards mind reading would have come in handy for me. I didn’t know if Charlie thought it was beautiful, or completely horrific. Then, he said it. “Bells, you’ve always been my beautiful little girl. This though, this is angelic. You… you’re gorgeous.”
Finally relief. Then, Charlie collapsed.
Edward was on the phone to Carlisle seemingly before Charlie even hit the ground. Later Edward explained he heard Charlie say he was feeling “light headed” in his thoughts.
I was extremely worried about Charlie, but I was more upset over the fact that I couldn’t do anything for him. I couldn’t risk getting that close to him. I still don’t know my own strength. One wrong move, and I could kill Charlie. Edward and I hadn’t been hunting in a while, either. My throat felt like sandpaper being lit on fire. I know I am in control, for the most part, but I didn’t want to risk anything.
Luckily Carlisle arrived very shortly after Edward had called. Charlie was slipping in and out of consciousness the whole time, saying things that didn’t make sense. Carlisle worked his magic, and had Charlie back in the house in his bed sipping some sort of fluid with electrolytes in it.
For obvious reasons, I decided to hold off on telling Charlie about Nessie. One thing at a time.
Before we left, though, we explained to Charlie that he couldn’t tell a soul. And, I gave him a brief description of the Volturi. He was half listening to me, and half glancing quickly from Edward to Nessie and back to me in disbelief. I told him to rest and figure I will tell him the rest once he’s recovered from his shock.
I kissed him on the head, then left. Carlisle stayed behind for a few hours to watch over Charlie, even though Charlie claimed to be “just fine.”
Though all of this was very dramatic, the real drama didn’t start until Edward, Nessie and I returned to the Cullen house. I have a few things I need to take care of right now, but I will write again soon and let you know exactly what happened once we got back from out visit with Charlie.
-Bella
The funny thing is, when I say that I’m a vampire out loud, I start to question my own sanity. All the myths and stereotypes I heard growing up have lead me with a distorted view of what a vampire really is. If I learn to let go of those preconceived notions, I think I will start to accept and more readily believe that I am in fact, a vampire.
The whole time we were explaining ourselves to Charlie, Edward could, of course, read his thoughts. This was very frustrating for me because I wanted so badly to know what Charlie was really thinking. I didn’t want to make him scared or uncomfortable. Edward shot me the odd reassuring glance, though, to let me know it was ok.
Charlie spent the majority of the conversation with his hand wrapped tightly around his Rainier beer, knuckles turning whiter than mine. A few beads of sweat drizzled down his face, and it looked like he was taking in deeper breaths than necessary for any human. Once we finished talking, we asked him if we could step outside in the back yard, while the sun was shining, to show him how our skin glistens. He said he’d “rather not.” Typical. We went outside anyway, though. His curiosity got the best of him, and he followed us.
I was wearing a loose fitting, short sleeved peach colored dress cut just below my knee. As soon as I stepped out into the sun, Charlie’s eyes lit up and his face had so many inexplicable expressions. I, was petrified. Again, Edwards mind reading would have come in handy for me. I didn’t know if Charlie thought it was beautiful, or completely horrific. Then, he said it. “Bells, you’ve always been my beautiful little girl. This though, this is angelic. You… you’re gorgeous.”
Finally relief. Then, Charlie collapsed.
Edward was on the phone to Carlisle seemingly before Charlie even hit the ground. Later Edward explained he heard Charlie say he was feeling “light headed” in his thoughts.
I was extremely worried about Charlie, but I was more upset over the fact that I couldn’t do anything for him. I couldn’t risk getting that close to him. I still don’t know my own strength. One wrong move, and I could kill Charlie. Edward and I hadn’t been hunting in a while, either. My throat felt like sandpaper being lit on fire. I know I am in control, for the most part, but I didn’t want to risk anything.
Luckily Carlisle arrived very shortly after Edward had called. Charlie was slipping in and out of consciousness the whole time, saying things that didn’t make sense. Carlisle worked his magic, and had Charlie back in the house in his bed sipping some sort of fluid with electrolytes in it.
For obvious reasons, I decided to hold off on telling Charlie about Nessie. One thing at a time.
Before we left, though, we explained to Charlie that he couldn’t tell a soul. And, I gave him a brief description of the Volturi. He was half listening to me, and half glancing quickly from Edward to Nessie and back to me in disbelief. I told him to rest and figure I will tell him the rest once he’s recovered from his shock.
I kissed him on the head, then left. Carlisle stayed behind for a few hours to watch over Charlie, even though Charlie claimed to be “just fine.”
Though all of this was very dramatic, the real drama didn’t start until Edward, Nessie and I returned to the Cullen house. I have a few things I need to take care of right now, but I will write again soon and let you know exactly what happened once we got back from out visit with Charlie.
-Bella
Dear Diary (No More Lies) admin at March 26, 2009 : 8:28 pm --> I have to tell him. At some point, I know he will find out anyway. And, after seeing Jacob literally burst into wolf form right before his eyes, I don’t think it should surprise him, too much.
Charlie needs to know. He needs to know the whole story, he needs to know what I am. I can’t keep coming up with excuses about my appearance, Nessie’s extremely fast mental and physical growth rate, and my cold, rock hard body. I can’t keep coming up with excuses as to why I can never be out in public on the rare sunny day we have here in Forks. Most importantly, even though he’s asked to remain uninformed, I can’ keep lying to Charlie.
Edward said he would come with me. I know I’ll need support on this one. I’m going to bring Renesmee, too. He needs to understand what she is.
I never thought the day would come, where I have to sit my Father down and explain to him that I’m his vampire daughter. The worst part, though, will be explaining how I ended up like this. I can’t say how Charlie will react to the fact that Edward was the one who turned me, under necessairy circumstances, of course.
Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny during the afternoon. I plan to tell Charlie then. I want to bring him into the backyard and step into the sun, so he can understand fully what I am. It was important for me to wait until his heart was fully recovered before I told him. And, now he’s “healthy as a horse”, as he likes to say. Although, after tomorrow, I’m not so sure how good his heart will be. I will definitely have to ensure he is sitting down… and that he’s had a few Rainier beers into him, too.
I will write again soon, and let you know how he took it. I’m hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.
Write again soon.
-Bella
Charlie needs to know. He needs to know the whole story, he needs to know what I am. I can’t keep coming up with excuses about my appearance, Nessie’s extremely fast mental and physical growth rate, and my cold, rock hard body. I can’t keep coming up with excuses as to why I can never be out in public on the rare sunny day we have here in Forks. Most importantly, even though he’s asked to remain uninformed, I can’ keep lying to Charlie.
Edward said he would come with me. I know I’ll need support on this one. I’m going to bring Renesmee, too. He needs to understand what she is.
I never thought the day would come, where I have to sit my Father down and explain to him that I’m his vampire daughter. The worst part, though, will be explaining how I ended up like this. I can’t say how Charlie will react to the fact that Edward was the one who turned me, under necessairy circumstances, of course.
Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny during the afternoon. I plan to tell Charlie then. I want to bring him into the backyard and step into the sun, so he can understand fully what I am. It was important for me to wait until his heart was fully recovered before I told him. And, now he’s “healthy as a horse”, as he likes to say. Although, after tomorrow, I’m not so sure how good his heart will be. I will definitely have to ensure he is sitting down… and that he’s had a few Rainier beers into him, too.
I will write again soon, and let you know how he took it. I’m hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.
Write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Be Safe) admin at March 23, 2009 : 12:45 am --> “There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat. I got in and closed the door before I unfolded it. Two words were written in his elegant script.”
Be safe.
I was visiting with Charlie today. This time alone. I figured that, since Sue wouldn’t be there today, we could spend some one on one time together, alone. I no longer worry about being alone around humans, either. Especially my family. I could never hurt Charlie. Somehow, his scent isn’t the most appealing to me, anyway. Needless to say, though, I did go hunting with Edward yesterday as a precautionary measure.
Charlie is doing quite well now. He is walking around, smiling and even cooking for himself. Sue left him a few simple recipes on the fridge. She knows how easily he can lose his way around the kitchen, too.
My visit seemed brief, to me. Though, in reality I stayed with Charlie for about 3 hours. Time really does go by expeditiously when you have all the time in the world, literally. I vaguely remember that, as a human, time would seem to craw by, almost seeming as if it were moving backwards some days. Those days were usually the days I was looking forward to seeing Edward at school the next day, though. Time couldn’t go by fast enough when I knew I would be seeing his angelic face.
Before I left Charlie’s house, I went upstairs to the bedroom that was mine when I lived in that house. For some reason, a surge or unexplained energy came over me, and, all alone in my old room, I couldn’t help but smile. I carefully sat down on my bed, and ran my fingers over the purple comforter that was neatly draped over the mattress. I looked around the room, slowly, taking everything in. I had never noticed the room needed a new paint job, until now, of course. My old computer sat there on the work table I used to sit at and either study or compose emails for Renee, to keep her informed on my life in Forks, usually trying to maker her believe I didn’t mind it here, though at the time I very much disliked Forks.
After sitting for a minute on my old bed, and taking in my old, human scents, I decided to go into my closet and see what kind of memories I could dig up from in there. Not surprisingly, I found a shoebox, full of things which had sentimental value to me. I’ve always been a bit of a pack rat.
Once I opened the box, nothing seemed familiar. My human memories were rather vague, and I couldn’t piece together who or what most of the items in the box came from. I mean, trying to remember why I had a brown shoe lace with 3 knots tied in it stashed away in the shoe box was an impossibility.
Before I closed the shoe box, which was almost falling apart, I shifted everything on top over to the side in an attempt to steal a quick glimpse of what was in the very bottom of the box, still trying to recognize something, anything.
Folded, in the very bottom of the box, was a white piece of paper. My curiosity got the best of me, and I snatched it up in one swift movement, then unfolded it quickly, though carefully. On the piece of paper read two words: “Be Safe”
For a moment I didn’t know why the tears weren’t pouring down my face already. Oh ya, I’m a vampire now, we don’t tear up. Inside, though, I was overwhelmed with numerous inexplicable emotions.
I remember the day Edward left that sweet note in my truck. Alice had brought my truck to school for me because Edward was my ride that day, but he had to leave in the afternoon to go hunting because he was planning on taking me to the meadow to reveal himself to me the next day. He wanted to make sure he hunted before being alone with me in the middle of the meadow.
I remember, though a fragile human, feeling so safe with Edward. I remember his note making me feel like someone would always be watching out for me. And, I remember how it felt to love him, as a human. Funny thing is, I always felt safer, stronger and almost invincible compared to other humans once Edward was in my life. It’s now scary to think of how unaware of my state of fragility I was, in comparison to him.
Still crouched onto the floor in my old bedroom, I closed the shoe box and kept the white paper in my hand. Almost instinctively, I brought the paper to my nose and breathed in the scent. I could smell him on it. Though only slight, it was enough to make a smile creep up on my face before I even noticed. My smile quickly turned into a blank look once I began to remember how excited I would get when Edward would come through my window in the middle of the night to watch me sleep, or how each touch was an epic occurance that would make my heart seem as though I was wearing it on the outside of my body. I remembered how he would be there waiting for me before school in the mornings, with that beautiful grin of his, excited to see me, too. And, though extremely vague, I remember the first time his lips pressed against mine. So smooth, so hard, so sweet smelling. Again, I had to remind myself that vampires don’t tear up.
There are a lot of things I do miss about being in a relationship with Edward, as a human. From what I recall, I got a rush from the danger and unpredictability of our relationship. I loved how gentle he had to be with me, though at the time it could get frustrating. Most of all, I miss the way the blood would rush into my cheeks when he gazed into my eyes, and my heart would pound once he spoke. These things are so foreign to me now. I will never feel my heart race again, or feel the warmth overcome my face from embarrassment. I miss it. In return, though, I got so much more. I have to always remind myself of that, too.
I got a life time with the very boy who made my heart race. I got to have a beautiful daughter with Edward. I get to be intimate with him, anytime I want. It was all definitely worth it.
I placed the paper in the chest pocket of the shirt I was wearing, shoved the box back into the closet, took one last look around at my room, then flew down the stairs to say goodbye to Charlie. It was getting late, and I wanted him to get some rest. I also wanted to get back home, to hold Edward in my arms, as tightly as possible. I missed him, more than I had in a long time. I felt the need to be in his arms. Finding the sweet note he had written me, made me fall even deeper in love with him. I don’t know how deeply I can possibly fall, but I keep on falling.
For now, I’m going to go up to the Cullen house for a bit with Nessie, Edward and Jacob. Esme and Rosalie would like to spend some time with Renesmee. I’ll write again soon, as I always do.
-Bella
Be safe.
I was visiting with Charlie today. This time alone. I figured that, since Sue wouldn’t be there today, we could spend some one on one time together, alone. I no longer worry about being alone around humans, either. Especially my family. I could never hurt Charlie. Somehow, his scent isn’t the most appealing to me, anyway. Needless to say, though, I did go hunting with Edward yesterday as a precautionary measure.
Charlie is doing quite well now. He is walking around, smiling and even cooking for himself. Sue left him a few simple recipes on the fridge. She knows how easily he can lose his way around the kitchen, too.
My visit seemed brief, to me. Though, in reality I stayed with Charlie for about 3 hours. Time really does go by expeditiously when you have all the time in the world, literally. I vaguely remember that, as a human, time would seem to craw by, almost seeming as if it were moving backwards some days. Those days were usually the days I was looking forward to seeing Edward at school the next day, though. Time couldn’t go by fast enough when I knew I would be seeing his angelic face.
Before I left Charlie’s house, I went upstairs to the bedroom that was mine when I lived in that house. For some reason, a surge or unexplained energy came over me, and, all alone in my old room, I couldn’t help but smile. I carefully sat down on my bed, and ran my fingers over the purple comforter that was neatly draped over the mattress. I looked around the room, slowly, taking everything in. I had never noticed the room needed a new paint job, until now, of course. My old computer sat there on the work table I used to sit at and either study or compose emails for Renee, to keep her informed on my life in Forks, usually trying to maker her believe I didn’t mind it here, though at the time I very much disliked Forks.
After sitting for a minute on my old bed, and taking in my old, human scents, I decided to go into my closet and see what kind of memories I could dig up from in there. Not surprisingly, I found a shoebox, full of things which had sentimental value to me. I’ve always been a bit of a pack rat.
Once I opened the box, nothing seemed familiar. My human memories were rather vague, and I couldn’t piece together who or what most of the items in the box came from. I mean, trying to remember why I had a brown shoe lace with 3 knots tied in it stashed away in the shoe box was an impossibility.
Before I closed the shoe box, which was almost falling apart, I shifted everything on top over to the side in an attempt to steal a quick glimpse of what was in the very bottom of the box, still trying to recognize something, anything.
Folded, in the very bottom of the box, was a white piece of paper. My curiosity got the best of me, and I snatched it up in one swift movement, then unfolded it quickly, though carefully. On the piece of paper read two words: “Be Safe”
For a moment I didn’t know why the tears weren’t pouring down my face already. Oh ya, I’m a vampire now, we don’t tear up. Inside, though, I was overwhelmed with numerous inexplicable emotions.
I remember the day Edward left that sweet note in my truck. Alice had brought my truck to school for me because Edward was my ride that day, but he had to leave in the afternoon to go hunting because he was planning on taking me to the meadow to reveal himself to me the next day. He wanted to make sure he hunted before being alone with me in the middle of the meadow.
I remember, though a fragile human, feeling so safe with Edward. I remember his note making me feel like someone would always be watching out for me. And, I remember how it felt to love him, as a human. Funny thing is, I always felt safer, stronger and almost invincible compared to other humans once Edward was in my life. It’s now scary to think of how unaware of my state of fragility I was, in comparison to him.
Still crouched onto the floor in my old bedroom, I closed the shoe box and kept the white paper in my hand. Almost instinctively, I brought the paper to my nose and breathed in the scent. I could smell him on it. Though only slight, it was enough to make a smile creep up on my face before I even noticed. My smile quickly turned into a blank look once I began to remember how excited I would get when Edward would come through my window in the middle of the night to watch me sleep, or how each touch was an epic occurance that would make my heart seem as though I was wearing it on the outside of my body. I remembered how he would be there waiting for me before school in the mornings, with that beautiful grin of his, excited to see me, too. And, though extremely vague, I remember the first time his lips pressed against mine. So smooth, so hard, so sweet smelling. Again, I had to remind myself that vampires don’t tear up.
There are a lot of things I do miss about being in a relationship with Edward, as a human. From what I recall, I got a rush from the danger and unpredictability of our relationship. I loved how gentle he had to be with me, though at the time it could get frustrating. Most of all, I miss the way the blood would rush into my cheeks when he gazed into my eyes, and my heart would pound once he spoke. These things are so foreign to me now. I will never feel my heart race again, or feel the warmth overcome my face from embarrassment. I miss it. In return, though, I got so much more. I have to always remind myself of that, too.
I got a life time with the very boy who made my heart race. I got to have a beautiful daughter with Edward. I get to be intimate with him, anytime I want. It was all definitely worth it.
I placed the paper in the chest pocket of the shirt I was wearing, shoved the box back into the closet, took one last look around at my room, then flew down the stairs to say goodbye to Charlie. It was getting late, and I wanted him to get some rest. I also wanted to get back home, to hold Edward in my arms, as tightly as possible. I missed him, more than I had in a long time. I felt the need to be in his arms. Finding the sweet note he had written me, made me fall even deeper in love with him. I don’t know how deeply I can possibly fall, but I keep on falling.
For now, I’m going to go up to the Cullen house for a bit with Nessie, Edward and Jacob. Esme and Rosalie would like to spend some time with Renesmee. I’ll write again soon, as I always do.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Moody) admin at March 19, 2009 : 10:59 pm --> Emmett and Rosalie enjoyed their hunt with Baylor today. They all seem to get along great. Emmett loves the early spring, when the bears are coming out of hibernation, and are more irritable than ever. Though not a challenge for him, Emmett likes to hunt grizzly when they’re more vicious.
Once they were finished hunting, they all came back to the Cullen house, where I was, along with Renesmee, Edward and Jacob.
I was a little hesitant about Baylor meeting Jacob, and aside from one small “bloodsucker” comment under his breath, Jacob was relatively welcoming. Well, as welcoming as Jacob could be after finding out there was yet one more vampire residing in Forks now.
To my surprise, Baylor was extremely comfortable around Jacob, aside from his nose crinkling once or twice. We can’t help being repulsed by the smell of werewolves, after all, similar to how the werewolves find our smell pungent.
Although at first Jacob was unnecessarily protective of Nessie around Baylor, he did become more relaxed as they conversed. It was nice to see everyone getting along, though.
I have to admit, at first, I thought things would be really different with Baylor here, but really, it feels the same. He is almost like Edward’s replacement. Emmett likes to goof around with him a lot, they act like brothers already. One thing though, Baylor loves grizzly, too. This could get competitive. Great.
Alice has already seen great things for him. She had a vision of him finding love, even. For some reason this thought scares me, the thought of him potentially falling in love with a human. I wont worry about the future, though. For now, I want to enjoy each moment as it comes.
Edward is a little bit moody today. Though he is trying to understand Jacob and Renesmee’s relationship, it is still hard for him to watch Nessie grow closer and closer with Jacob. She is growing closer to Jacob than she is to Edward, and naturally, this is making Edward become slightly unhinged. We are both aware of the fact that the unavoidable is going to happen, eventually. Jacob will, one day soon, become Renesmee’s husband. Funny thing is, though, I don’t think Edward would choose any other person in the world to take his daughters hand in marriage. It’s not Jacob that gets Edward upset. It’s just that he feels as though his daughter is slipping away, faster and faster as the days go on. Either of us expected for her to grow up so fast. Her intelligence is astounding, her growth rate is shocking and her presence in our lives has been a blessing. Her presence will always be here, she will just be forever bonded with Jacob. Like Edward, I cannot think of another person who I would rather see my beautiful little angel with. I know Jacob will always keep her safe.
In order to ease Edwards tension, I remind him of the fact that Charlie had to watch me slip away from him, into Edwards arms, indefinitely. Then, he had to deal with my suspicious, rather alarming appearance change.
“I know, Bella. It’s just a different feeling from anything I’ve felt before. I’ve never been… a Dad. It takes some getting used to.”
He leaned in towards me, his breath dancing on my lips, and softly pressed those perfectly sculpted lips of his to mine. Though cold, I felt like I was on fire, as I always do around Edward. He has a way of igniting a flame inside of me, different, of course from the scorching flame in my throat when I am near human blood.
For now, I’m going to go spend time with Nessie, Jacob and my love, Edward.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Once they were finished hunting, they all came back to the Cullen house, where I was, along with Renesmee, Edward and Jacob.
I was a little hesitant about Baylor meeting Jacob, and aside from one small “bloodsucker” comment under his breath, Jacob was relatively welcoming. Well, as welcoming as Jacob could be after finding out there was yet one more vampire residing in Forks now.
To my surprise, Baylor was extremely comfortable around Jacob, aside from his nose crinkling once or twice. We can’t help being repulsed by the smell of werewolves, after all, similar to how the werewolves find our smell pungent.
Although at first Jacob was unnecessarily protective of Nessie around Baylor, he did become more relaxed as they conversed. It was nice to see everyone getting along, though.
I have to admit, at first, I thought things would be really different with Baylor here, but really, it feels the same. He is almost like Edward’s replacement. Emmett likes to goof around with him a lot, they act like brothers already. One thing though, Baylor loves grizzly, too. This could get competitive. Great.
Alice has already seen great things for him. She had a vision of him finding love, even. For some reason this thought scares me, the thought of him potentially falling in love with a human. I wont worry about the future, though. For now, I want to enjoy each moment as it comes.
Edward is a little bit moody today. Though he is trying to understand Jacob and Renesmee’s relationship, it is still hard for him to watch Nessie grow closer and closer with Jacob. She is growing closer to Jacob than she is to Edward, and naturally, this is making Edward become slightly unhinged. We are both aware of the fact that the unavoidable is going to happen, eventually. Jacob will, one day soon, become Renesmee’s husband. Funny thing is, though, I don’t think Edward would choose any other person in the world to take his daughters hand in marriage. It’s not Jacob that gets Edward upset. It’s just that he feels as though his daughter is slipping away, faster and faster as the days go on. Either of us expected for her to grow up so fast. Her intelligence is astounding, her growth rate is shocking and her presence in our lives has been a blessing. Her presence will always be here, she will just be forever bonded with Jacob. Like Edward, I cannot think of another person who I would rather see my beautiful little angel with. I know Jacob will always keep her safe.
In order to ease Edwards tension, I remind him of the fact that Charlie had to watch me slip away from him, into Edwards arms, indefinitely. Then, he had to deal with my suspicious, rather alarming appearance change.
“I know, Bella. It’s just a different feeling from anything I’ve felt before. I’ve never been… a Dad. It takes some getting used to.”
He leaned in towards me, his breath dancing on my lips, and softly pressed those perfectly sculpted lips of his to mine. Though cold, I felt like I was on fire, as I always do around Edward. He has a way of igniting a flame inside of me, different, of course from the scorching flame in my throat when I am near human blood.
For now, I’m going to go spend time with Nessie, Jacob and my love, Edward.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Getting Acquainted) admin at March 17, 2009 : 10:51 pm --> I had a chance to spend some one on one time with Baylor. Edward also had his chance. Not surprisingly, we have different opinions on him. Maybe it’s my eternal optimism, but I really like Baylor. He seems genuine, interestingly complex, and quite gentle.
Edward questions his motives, of course. When Edward is unable to read someones thoughts, he becomes intrigued, yet annoyed. He isn’t used to having to work to understand people. It’s not that Edward thinks Baylor is bad, he is just being cautious.
When Baylor and I spent time together, he told me all about his mother, how he was turned and the human memories he manages to recall from his past. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I already knew about his mother and how he was turned, from Edward, through Carlisle’s thoughts. So I listened to his story, again. He was very friendly, and seems sincere. I told him my story, and of course couldn’t help but talk about Edward, my love. I even explained Renesmee to him. It took some convincing, but I think he finally understands. He had never heard of a half human half vampire. Now he has, though.
Nessie seems to like Baylor a lot, too. She showed him her thoughts. They were of her and Jacob, of course. This brought up some questions I wasn’t ready to answer.
“Who is this boy she is showing me, Bella?”
Oh boy. I wasn’t quite sure how to get him to understand this part.
I began to tell him about the Volturi, and their attempt to attack us, and kill Nessie. From there, I explained that prior to me becoming a vampire, I had a good friend, who I loved dearly, named Jacob. I explained how Jacob helped me when Edward left, then just came out with it. “Jacob… is a wolf”.
His expression was actually calm, almost knowing. One of his eyebrows raised out of interest, so I continued, feeling more confident this time. I explained to Baylor that Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee, and what that will entail. He asked a few questions, but didn’t seem shocked. I thought about it for a moment, and realized that after everything he has been through, realistically, nothing should shock him anymore. I mean, his mother got turned into a vampire, who then turned him into a vampire. Really, I think he’s used to all things “odd”.
I was really happy to have the chance to spend time with Baylor. He is part of our family now, after all. Emmett and Rosalie are going to take him hunting tomorrow, and get acquainted. Emmett should show him an interesting time. He has a way with opening people up and making them feel like family, almost instantly.
For tonight, Edward and I are going to be spending the night alone. Nessie is actually with Sue, at Charlie’s house. Sue said she thinks Nessie is contributing to Charlie’s healing process greatly, and wanted to have her there, to keep Charlie smiling. He adores Renesmee.
I am off to spend all night long talking, laughing and nestling into Edward. Sometimes I feel like so much is going on that we forget to take time for ourselves. He is my world, and I am so gratified to have found him. Everything between us still feels new and exciting. Edward does something everyday that makes me fall more in love with him. Right now, he’s looking at me with with the most mesmerising look on his face. His eyes are a golden butterscotch, and his grin is lovingly turned up on the right side. I’m going to go now, have some fun with my love.
Write again soon.
-Bella
Edward questions his motives, of course. When Edward is unable to read someones thoughts, he becomes intrigued, yet annoyed. He isn’t used to having to work to understand people. It’s not that Edward thinks Baylor is bad, he is just being cautious.
When Baylor and I spent time together, he told me all about his mother, how he was turned and the human memories he manages to recall from his past. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I already knew about his mother and how he was turned, from Edward, through Carlisle’s thoughts. So I listened to his story, again. He was very friendly, and seems sincere. I told him my story, and of course couldn’t help but talk about Edward, my love. I even explained Renesmee to him. It took some convincing, but I think he finally understands. He had never heard of a half human half vampire. Now he has, though.
Nessie seems to like Baylor a lot, too. She showed him her thoughts. They were of her and Jacob, of course. This brought up some questions I wasn’t ready to answer.
“Who is this boy she is showing me, Bella?”
Oh boy. I wasn’t quite sure how to get him to understand this part.
I began to tell him about the Volturi, and their attempt to attack us, and kill Nessie. From there, I explained that prior to me becoming a vampire, I had a good friend, who I loved dearly, named Jacob. I explained how Jacob helped me when Edward left, then just came out with it. “Jacob… is a wolf”.
His expression was actually calm, almost knowing. One of his eyebrows raised out of interest, so I continued, feeling more confident this time. I explained to Baylor that Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee, and what that will entail. He asked a few questions, but didn’t seem shocked. I thought about it for a moment, and realized that after everything he has been through, realistically, nothing should shock him anymore. I mean, his mother got turned into a vampire, who then turned him into a vampire. Really, I think he’s used to all things “odd”.
I was really happy to have the chance to spend time with Baylor. He is part of our family now, after all. Emmett and Rosalie are going to take him hunting tomorrow, and get acquainted. Emmett should show him an interesting time. He has a way with opening people up and making them feel like family, almost instantly.
For tonight, Edward and I are going to be spending the night alone. Nessie is actually with Sue, at Charlie’s house. Sue said she thinks Nessie is contributing to Charlie’s healing process greatly, and wanted to have her there, to keep Charlie smiling. He adores Renesmee.
I am off to spend all night long talking, laughing and nestling into Edward. Sometimes I feel like so much is going on that we forget to take time for ourselves. He is my world, and I am so gratified to have found him. Everything between us still feels new and exciting. Edward does something everyday that makes me fall more in love with him. Right now, he’s looking at me with with the most mesmerising look on his face. His eyes are a golden butterscotch, and his grin is lovingly turned up on the right side. I’m going to go now, have some fun with my love.
Write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Brother) admin at March 12, 2009 : 11:50 pm --> Charlie has been home for a couple of days now, and his recovery has been smooth. Renesmee has been visiting with him often, she really knows how to bring a smile to his face. He loves her.
The feeling in his arm is coming back much faster than expected, and his infection is completely cleared up. He does however, have to remain on antibiotics to ensure the infection doesn’t come back.
I’m so proud of Charlie. I have never given him the credit he deserves for his incredible ability to overcome tribulations in life, and walk away with a smile on his face.
For now, Sue is staying with Charlie every night. She cooks for him, and cleans. She has been an incredible help, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. They seem to get along really well too, and Charlie seems to always light up when she’s around.
Aside from watching over Charlie, something rather strange happened yesterday. When Edward, Nessie, Jacob and I were visiting with Carlisle and Esme, a man came to the door. He was a rather scruffy man, with good looks hidden under his ragged hair and dirty nails. His face was beautiful. Porcelain. His body was lean, yet very strong looking. We recognized immediately that he was one of us. He was a vampire.
Carlisle had spoken intently with him in the lobby, while Edward listened to Carlisles thoughts. Oddly, he couldn’t hear the man, who calls himself Baylor. Edward tried, focused… and nothing. He was like me. Edward’s gift of reading minds didn’t work with Baylor.
Regardless, Edward was able to see everything in Carlisles thoughts. Baylor is coming to the Cullens because he wants to be a “vegetarian”. He told Carlise his story of how he was turned. Like me, he was turned for his protection. His story was truly astounding, even after everything I’ve encountered in my life.
Baylor’s mother was turned one night after her shift at the local pub in Arbridge, a village in Essex, England. She was a single mother, working late most nights to make enough money to support her and Baylor. She was described by Baylor as “young and beautiful” and as he continued, he explained how many men were interested in her, but she did not want a relationship after going through so much affliction with her recent divorce.
There was a man, however, who watched her every night as she walked home on a small trail through the shallow forest. This man admired her, from afar, without her knowing. He, was a vampire.
The night Baylor’s mother, Keira, was turned, the young vampire who turned her explained that he loved her and wanted there to be a way for him to have her. He constantly watched her from afar, never approaching, in fear of hurting her.
Once turned, she adjusted quickly to her new life as an immortal. This wasn’t the life she had asked for, nor the life she wanted… but it was the life she would have potentially been stuck with forever.
She did not love the vampire, who’s name was Aiden, who did this to her. As soon as she could, she left him… for good.
Extremely strong, and confused about her state of being, she made the decision to return to her son, Baylor. She had explained everything to him, and promised to keep him protected, no matter what she had to do.
Baylor stayed with his grandparents for two years after his mother Keira had become a vampire. They had fabricated a story about how Keira could no longer take care of Baylor, and had to get out of England to find a better paying job. At night though, Keira would come in to Baylor’s room to chat, laugh and they would tell each other stories. They were extremely close before Keira was turned, and that bond never faded. Keira loved her only son more than anything, and he loved his mother in return with the same amount of ardor.
Baylor was just about to leave for university when the Volturi found out about him and his knowledge of our kind. Similar to my story, they ordered that he be turned, or they would have no choice but to kill him. Keira knew what her only option was, and that of course, was to save her son.
After Baylor was turned, sadly, it wasn’t long before his mother was destroyed. Aiden had come back for her, now that she was no longer a “new born”, and no longer obtained the strength that came along with being a new vampire. He caught her while she was in the forest, on a hunt, and explained that he was overwhelmed with the guilt of taking her human life away for his own needs. He also told her that he loved her too much to bare being in this world without her. After Aiden had destroyed Keira, he went to Baylor, knowing he was a strong young vampire, and told him the story of what he had done. Completely enraged, Baylor tore Aiden apart, then burned all the pieces. This was exactly what Aiden wanted, too.
Now that Baylor is alone, without his family, without anyone, he wants to be part of the Cullen family. He explained that he has never tasted human blood before. His mother only drank the blood of animals, and taught him to do the same once she turned him. Though it is a struggle most days still, he believes he can find the guidance he needs from Carlisle.
Baylor wants a family more than anything right now. His life has been far from ideal, and he needs direction from someone loving and experienced. Baylor had heard about the Cullens from his mother, actually. She told him their story and mentioned that it would be a safe and exciting option for them if Carlisle would have them. Now all alone, Baylor was trying to do what him and his mother had planned.
Carlisle told Baylor that as long as he could take the time to get to know each of the other family members, and as long as he was serious about being in a loving “vegetarian” environment, that he would be more than welcome to join the Cullens.
Baylor thanked Carlisle profusely, and ensured him that he would do whatever it took to be a part of the Cullen family.
One thing, however, that Carlisle forgot to mention, is that the Cullens are friends with the wolves. This is something that will come out soon enough, along with Nessie’s story.
For now, Baylor is taking turns getting to know us all. Other than a brief introduction, I haven’t spent any time with him… yet. As soon as I do, I will give you an update, and let you know what I think of my new “brother”.
Baylor is going to be in the same position Edward was in when everyone else in the house was paired up. He is the only one who doesn’t have a love. For now. That could change. Just like it did for Edward…
-Bella
The feeling in his arm is coming back much faster than expected, and his infection is completely cleared up. He does however, have to remain on antibiotics to ensure the infection doesn’t come back.
I’m so proud of Charlie. I have never given him the credit he deserves for his incredible ability to overcome tribulations in life, and walk away with a smile on his face.
For now, Sue is staying with Charlie every night. She cooks for him, and cleans. She has been an incredible help, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. They seem to get along really well too, and Charlie seems to always light up when she’s around.
Aside from watching over Charlie, something rather strange happened yesterday. When Edward, Nessie, Jacob and I were visiting with Carlisle and Esme, a man came to the door. He was a rather scruffy man, with good looks hidden under his ragged hair and dirty nails. His face was beautiful. Porcelain. His body was lean, yet very strong looking. We recognized immediately that he was one of us. He was a vampire.
Carlisle had spoken intently with him in the lobby, while Edward listened to Carlisles thoughts. Oddly, he couldn’t hear the man, who calls himself Baylor. Edward tried, focused… and nothing. He was like me. Edward’s gift of reading minds didn’t work with Baylor.
Regardless, Edward was able to see everything in Carlisles thoughts. Baylor is coming to the Cullens because he wants to be a “vegetarian”. He told Carlise his story of how he was turned. Like me, he was turned for his protection. His story was truly astounding, even after everything I’ve encountered in my life.
Baylor’s mother was turned one night after her shift at the local pub in Arbridge, a village in Essex, England. She was a single mother, working late most nights to make enough money to support her and Baylor. She was described by Baylor as “young and beautiful” and as he continued, he explained how many men were interested in her, but she did not want a relationship after going through so much affliction with her recent divorce.
There was a man, however, who watched her every night as she walked home on a small trail through the shallow forest. This man admired her, from afar, without her knowing. He, was a vampire.
The night Baylor’s mother, Keira, was turned, the young vampire who turned her explained that he loved her and wanted there to be a way for him to have her. He constantly watched her from afar, never approaching, in fear of hurting her.
Once turned, she adjusted quickly to her new life as an immortal. This wasn’t the life she had asked for, nor the life she wanted… but it was the life she would have potentially been stuck with forever.
She did not love the vampire, who’s name was Aiden, who did this to her. As soon as she could, she left him… for good.
Extremely strong, and confused about her state of being, she made the decision to return to her son, Baylor. She had explained everything to him, and promised to keep him protected, no matter what she had to do.
Baylor stayed with his grandparents for two years after his mother Keira had become a vampire. They had fabricated a story about how Keira could no longer take care of Baylor, and had to get out of England to find a better paying job. At night though, Keira would come in to Baylor’s room to chat, laugh and they would tell each other stories. They were extremely close before Keira was turned, and that bond never faded. Keira loved her only son more than anything, and he loved his mother in return with the same amount of ardor.
Baylor was just about to leave for university when the Volturi found out about him and his knowledge of our kind. Similar to my story, they ordered that he be turned, or they would have no choice but to kill him. Keira knew what her only option was, and that of course, was to save her son.
After Baylor was turned, sadly, it wasn’t long before his mother was destroyed. Aiden had come back for her, now that she was no longer a “new born”, and no longer obtained the strength that came along with being a new vampire. He caught her while she was in the forest, on a hunt, and explained that he was overwhelmed with the guilt of taking her human life away for his own needs. He also told her that he loved her too much to bare being in this world without her. After Aiden had destroyed Keira, he went to Baylor, knowing he was a strong young vampire, and told him the story of what he had done. Completely enraged, Baylor tore Aiden apart, then burned all the pieces. This was exactly what Aiden wanted, too.
Now that Baylor is alone, without his family, without anyone, he wants to be part of the Cullen family. He explained that he has never tasted human blood before. His mother only drank the blood of animals, and taught him to do the same once she turned him. Though it is a struggle most days still, he believes he can find the guidance he needs from Carlisle.
Baylor wants a family more than anything right now. His life has been far from ideal, and he needs direction from someone loving and experienced. Baylor had heard about the Cullens from his mother, actually. She told him their story and mentioned that it would be a safe and exciting option for them if Carlisle would have them. Now all alone, Baylor was trying to do what him and his mother had planned.
Carlisle told Baylor that as long as he could take the time to get to know each of the other family members, and as long as he was serious about being in a loving “vegetarian” environment, that he would be more than welcome to join the Cullens.
Baylor thanked Carlisle profusely, and ensured him that he would do whatever it took to be a part of the Cullen family.
One thing, however, that Carlisle forgot to mention, is that the Cullens are friends with the wolves. This is something that will come out soon enough, along with Nessie’s story.
For now, Baylor is taking turns getting to know us all. Other than a brief introduction, I haven’t spent any time with him… yet. As soon as I do, I will give you an update, and let you know what I think of my new “brother”.
Baylor is going to be in the same position Edward was in when everyone else in the house was paired up. He is the only one who doesn’t have a love. For now. That could change. Just like it did for Edward…
-Bella
Dear Diary (From Mother To Daughter) admin at March 9, 2009 : 12:32 am --> Edward had seen how much I’ve been hurting over the past while over Charlie’s shooting. He could see every emotion flow through me, from confusion, to anger. He could also see how hard I was trying to conceal those very emotions, to keep them hidden from Nessie. I never want to make her worry.
Earlier today Nessie showed Edward and I her thoughts. When she touched us we saw her, Charlie, Jacob, Edward and myself gathered in Charlie’s living room. Charlie looked healthy, and happy. We were all laughing and having a good time. It was a simple thought, but it brought a smile to my face. To see Charlie back to his normal self, to see us all together like that. It felt good. Edward was very grateful for the thought too. When I hurt, he hurts. I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish he didn’t feel my pain, but that is all part of giving yourself to another person. I gave all of me to him. He gave all of himself to me.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Edward walk into the room with my old rocking chair. The one that used to sit in the corner of my bedroom at Charlies house. It looked different. He had the chair refinished, and the words “From Mother To Daughter” carved into the back panel. It looked as if he used a machine to carve the words, but he had completely done the whole thing himself. The writing was so perfect. So smooth. So… beautiful.
Edward didn’t take his eyes off me when he said “From one angel, to another. I made this for you, Nessie”. My expression must have been animated, because Edward flashed that crooked grin at me and raised one eyebrow, leaving him with a curious expression on his face. I let him into my mind to show him how much this meant to me. He spoke again, in a voice that seemingly gets more musical with every word. “This chair brings back great memories of the nights I used to have to watch you in your sleep, Bella, to get close to you. Though I am quite fine standing, I enjoyed sitting in this chair because it had your scent on it. I thought it would look great in Nessies room, and maybe if Jacob can fit, he can sit in there and watch her, like I used to watch you.”
Nessie was already rocking in the chair, smiling and twisting her head back to examine the carved words on the back. This meant more to me than I could express. And, most importantly, it would hopefully distract Nessie from my roller coaster emotions.
I gave Edward three soft, slow kisses on his chin, then thanked him one more time before heading over to the hospital to visit with Charlie for the last time before he gets released.
Carlisle said Charlie’s infection is all cleared up, and his wounds are healing nicely. He has color back in his face, too. His arm is still a little bit numb from the bullet that hit him in the shoulder, but Carlisle said with time, the numbness would fade and he would regain full strength in that arm.
I will be picking Charlie up in the afternoon. I spent last night watching him sleep, and fighting the scorching hot knives that were stabbing my throat, or so it seemed. The scents that flow through the hospital are tortuous, but being by Charlie’s side has been the most important thing to me. Besides, I always felt safe, knowing I had Carlisle there to help me when temptation became too much.
I have to run now. Edward and I are going to go decorate Charlie’s house with a “Welcome Home” banner, balloons, cake and a new flat screen t.v we purchased for him. He will be resting up on the couch quite a bit, and his old flat screen wasn’t very big, plus it was becoming outdated. We want him to feel like he is part of the baseball game when it’s on. I think he’s going to be happy.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Earlier today Nessie showed Edward and I her thoughts. When she touched us we saw her, Charlie, Jacob, Edward and myself gathered in Charlie’s living room. Charlie looked healthy, and happy. We were all laughing and having a good time. It was a simple thought, but it brought a smile to my face. To see Charlie back to his normal self, to see us all together like that. It felt good. Edward was very grateful for the thought too. When I hurt, he hurts. I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish he didn’t feel my pain, but that is all part of giving yourself to another person. I gave all of me to him. He gave all of himself to me.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Edward walk into the room with my old rocking chair. The one that used to sit in the corner of my bedroom at Charlies house. It looked different. He had the chair refinished, and the words “From Mother To Daughter” carved into the back panel. It looked as if he used a machine to carve the words, but he had completely done the whole thing himself. The writing was so perfect. So smooth. So… beautiful.
Edward didn’t take his eyes off me when he said “From one angel, to another. I made this for you, Nessie”. My expression must have been animated, because Edward flashed that crooked grin at me and raised one eyebrow, leaving him with a curious expression on his face. I let him into my mind to show him how much this meant to me. He spoke again, in a voice that seemingly gets more musical with every word. “This chair brings back great memories of the nights I used to have to watch you in your sleep, Bella, to get close to you. Though I am quite fine standing, I enjoyed sitting in this chair because it had your scent on it. I thought it would look great in Nessies room, and maybe if Jacob can fit, he can sit in there and watch her, like I used to watch you.”
Nessie was already rocking in the chair, smiling and twisting her head back to examine the carved words on the back. This meant more to me than I could express. And, most importantly, it would hopefully distract Nessie from my roller coaster emotions.
I gave Edward three soft, slow kisses on his chin, then thanked him one more time before heading over to the hospital to visit with Charlie for the last time before he gets released.
Carlisle said Charlie’s infection is all cleared up, and his wounds are healing nicely. He has color back in his face, too. His arm is still a little bit numb from the bullet that hit him in the shoulder, but Carlisle said with time, the numbness would fade and he would regain full strength in that arm.
I will be picking Charlie up in the afternoon. I spent last night watching him sleep, and fighting the scorching hot knives that were stabbing my throat, or so it seemed. The scents that flow through the hospital are tortuous, but being by Charlie’s side has been the most important thing to me. Besides, I always felt safe, knowing I had Carlisle there to help me when temptation became too much.
I have to run now. Edward and I are going to go decorate Charlie’s house with a “Welcome Home” banner, balloons, cake and a new flat screen t.v we purchased for him. He will be resting up on the couch quite a bit, and his old flat screen wasn’t very big, plus it was becoming outdated. We want him to feel like he is part of the baseball game when it’s on. I think he’s going to be happy.
Will write again soon.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Update) admin at March 5, 2009 : 11:33 pm --> I couldn’t see straight when Carlisle told me Charlie flat lined…
He had only flat lined for a quarter of a second before Carlisle was able to bring him back. Dr. Cullen works wonders. He is the most amazing doctor around, and I am truly so thankful for him.
The bad news? Charlie has an infection where the bullet was lodged. He is taking antibiotics and Carlisle is keeping a close eye on him. We all are. I am so grateful for Sue too. She has been with Charlie the whole time. Never leaving his side. When she thought no one was watching, she would begin to cry while holding his hand.
Charlie sleeps most of the day, in his hospital bed. He has to stay there until the infection clears up. It is important for him to relax and for his infection to be monitored.
I am so grateful that my Dad is still alive. If he only knew what I did to the people that did this to him. If he only knew what I was. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell Charlie that I am his vampire daughter, and that Nessie is his half vampire, half human granddaughter. I am a bad liar, always have been. I think if Charlie were to ever ask me about it, I would be honest. I know that no matter what, he would love me. Besides, Alice had a vision of him finding out in the near future.
My mother went back to Phoenix this morning, as soon as she found out that Charlie would be ok. She had obligations there, with Phil. During her visit, I avoided her as much as possible. I know she would notice my changes. I know she would question me. Which she did. “Bella, your face is somehow more pale than usual. And you look like you’ve been working out for hours a day. And what’s with your eyes?”
Oh boy.
I really began to appreciate Charlies “don’t ask, don’t tell” motto. Basically, I just told her that I’d been working out lots with Edward, and mentioned that we had bigger things, like Charlie, to worry about. She could tell I didn’t want to talk about myself during this tough time, and quickly let it go. Thankfully.
Edward, Alice and I are due for a hunt soon. We’re going to go out tomorrow once Esme, Nessie and Jake come for their shift at the hospital. We’re all taking shifts, and pretending like we have to go home to sleep… have to try to remember to do human things, and fit in with normal human behavior.
Right now though, I am going to grab Nessie and Edward and head over to be with Charlie. Carlisle said his heart rate speeds up when he sense that I’m there. It makes him happy. I will keep you posted on Charlie’s progress.
Ok, have to run. Edward is giving me that look that melts me. The one that tells me he wants to kiss me really bad…
-Bella
Dear Diary (Anger) admin at March 3, 2009 : 12:20 am --> I could not help it. I was so angry at those horrible people for putting my Dad through this. Having to see him so lifeless, laying in his hospital bed, unable to do anything… it hurts me.
The bullet had shifted a little closer to Charlie’s heart, and Carlisle confronted me with an option. His option? To turn Charlie. Even though I don’t need to breathe, I somehow felt so out of breath, so confused, so… angry. I can’t believe it has come to this.
I…I… killed the criminals. I hate that word, and I am so mad at myself right now.
After Carlisle told me that Charlie might not make it, unless we tuned him into a vampire, I started to feel numb. I somehow felt boiling hot, like my face was burning up… like my chest was on fire. I lied to Edward and told him I had to leave the hospital for a while because the smell of fresh blood throughout the building was causing my throat to burn. It however, wasn’t. I told him I was just going to go back to Charlie’s house to gather my thoughts and get away from all the human scents.
Where I really went though, was to find the criminals. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I never put much thought into it.
We had finally gotten a description of the men from witnesses. One was short, thin with black wavy hair down to his shoulders. The other was medium height, medium build with shaggy hair covered by a baseball cap. They were seen driving back in the direction of Seattle in a black older make SUV, later found out to be a 2000 Cadillac Escalade. I had the license plate number too, thanks to a very helpful witness.
I was off to Seattle. Looking for the criminals. Driving aimlessly in my now like new 1953 Chevrolet Pickup Truck. Finally I saw it, the black SUV, parked outside of what looked like an abandoned old locksmith store. The faded, almost deteriorated sign read ” Emergency Locksmith Services Available” and it was half hanging off of it’s place just above the door that had a “Closed” sign in it.
I got out of my truck, and tried to stay calm remembering how much harm I could cause now, so easily. After numerous attempts at tapping on the glass, I began to bang quite hard, almost cracking the glass. Finally, a short dark haired man approached. I clenched my jaw, and my fists, and as soon as he opened the door I pushed him out of the way. He fell hard to the ground and yelled some obscenities at me. I didn’t really hear much of what he said, my anger overcame me, like I had never thought possible. The witness report stated that the other man with the shaggy hair and baseball cap is the one who shot Charlie. He is the one I was after. He was standing there, right in the middle of the abandoned room with a confused look on his face. Probably wondering how someone so small had the power to knock over a grown man with one swipe of my arm. I wasn’t concerned with what he was thinking though. At that point, I just kept seeing Charlie’s weak, pale face. And I kept hearing Carlisle’s voice telling me Charlie might die, or have to be turned if the bullet shifted anymore. I didn’t want their blood. I couldn’t stand the thought of having a criminals blood inside of me. What I wanted was to make them pay. Before I even had a second to think, I was holding the medium built man by the throat. All I could say was “you shot my father”… then with one swift movement I tossed him into the wooden rafters. The short black haired man tried to sneak up from behind me, but I turned and before I knew it I had him in my arms and was tossing him in to the glass door at the front of the building. Both men were bleeding, but my throat wasn’t burning. My body was stiff though, I felt like I was made of concrete, so solid and almost indestructible.
I sprung effortlessly from the ground up to the wooden rafter and grabbed the shaggy haired man by his head then began to snap it, once to the right, then to the left. It was so easy for me. I had never felt the full extent of my power until now. I had never been an angry young vampire until now. Even when the Volturi came, I was angry, but unsure of their intentions which kept me steady. This is different. Someone I love actually did get hurt.
The man fell lifeless through the rafters and thudded to the ground. The short man was bleeding in a mess of glass, yet still managing to yell “who are you? You can’t be a human”… then he said something that made me even more angry. “Your father deserved what he got, you’re a monster”.
I narrowed my gaze to him, then sprung on to him tearing his limbs apart, fast and in a malicious manner. I couldn’t control myself. For the first time since becoming a new vampire, I lost control. I killed two humans.
I burned their bodies before I left, and tossed the remnants under the floor boards. I sat in my truck for a few minutes, and thought. I didn’t feel guilty for killing the humans who harmed my father. I felt guilty for lying to Edward, and for putting our family in harm. The Volturi shouldn’t find out it was one of us who killed the two men, but I’m worried someone saw me. What if someone knows I’m more than a human?
Before I knew it, a yellow Porsche whipped around the corner and Edward flew out of the passenger side, with Alice not far behind flouncing from the drivers side. Great. Alice saw me in her vision and told Edward. It wasn’t hard to figure out.
Edward opened my door and hugged me. I was afraid he would be mad, but all he said was “I love you Bella, you need to know what you did doesn’t make you a monster”. Edward is the meaning of unconditional love. He loves me, no conditions. I told him I didn’t think I was a monster for killing the men who harmed Charlie, but for lying to him. He told me he understands, he knows how angry I was. He also told me he was thinking of finding them himself, but Carlisle had talked him out of it and said he would take care of it himself, like he did the man who tried to attack me in Port Angeles.
We drove back to the hospital where the rest of the family was, keeping Charlie company. Carlisle was working, keeping everyone updated on Charlie’s condition. They were getting ready to operate. Carlisle wanted to know, before he operated, if I would approve of having Charlie turned should something go wrong. I told him no. This isn’t the life Charlie would want. He wouldn’t understand it. The simple things in life made Charlie happy. Like fishing, steak and cobbler from the diner, watching me grow, the baseball game. He wouldn’t understand this life. Plus, I want to know that if he does go, he will be up there, watching over me. Hopefully reserving a spot for my soul should I leave this earth one day.
I’m going to go now, back to the hospital to spend the night with Charlie. Pretending to fall asleep. Trying to look human. I will update you all on Charlie’s progress.
Keep Well
-Bella
Dear Diary (Charlie Is Hurt) admin at March 1, 2009 : 10:57 am --> The amount of anger I am experiencing at this moment is unexplainable. I can’t write for long, as I have a lot happening right now. This is the first time I have felt the full potential of my strength, the first time since being a new vampire that I have considered killing a human.
… Charlie was shot in the line of duty yesterday. A group of punks made their way to Forks from Seattle in an attempt the run from the police there. They were involved in a shooting in Seattle, and killed two people.
Charlie was on shift, and got a call of suspicious behavior occurring about one kilometre from the diner. A witness stated that as soon as Charlie arrived on the scene, he was shot. Three times. Once in the lung. Once in the right shoulder, and once in his chest, so close to his heart that Carlisle said if it shifted at all, it could stop his heart.
The criminals are still out there, too. Edward has been trying to read peoples thoughts all day to find out where they are. He wants to turn them in. I however, want to kill them. Edward keeps reminding me of what could happen if I did anything to harm them, I just don’t know that I can stop myself. This desire is overwhelming. I cannot let them get away with what they have done to my father. For almost taking his life. I don’t know what I’m going to do once we track them down.
In the meantime, I am heading back to the hospital to speak to Carlisle about Charlies progress, and to be by Charlies side. Nessie, Edward, Jacob, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme and Sue are there already. I came home for a few hours to gather myself… the smell of blood in the hospital became hard for me to handle. I will write about Charlie’s progress, and let you know if we find the criminals.
I hope we find them soon…
-Bella
… Charlie was shot in the line of duty yesterday. A group of punks made their way to Forks from Seattle in an attempt the run from the police there. They were involved in a shooting in Seattle, and killed two people.
Charlie was on shift, and got a call of suspicious behavior occurring about one kilometre from the diner. A witness stated that as soon as Charlie arrived on the scene, he was shot. Three times. Once in the lung. Once in the right shoulder, and once in his chest, so close to his heart that Carlisle said if it shifted at all, it could stop his heart.
The criminals are still out there, too. Edward has been trying to read peoples thoughts all day to find out where they are. He wants to turn them in. I however, want to kill them. Edward keeps reminding me of what could happen if I did anything to harm them, I just don’t know that I can stop myself. This desire is overwhelming. I cannot let them get away with what they have done to my father. For almost taking his life. I don’t know what I’m going to do once we track them down.
In the meantime, I am heading back to the hospital to speak to Carlisle about Charlies progress, and to be by Charlies side. Nessie, Edward, Jacob, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme and Sue are there already. I came home for a few hours to gather myself… the smell of blood in the hospital became hard for me to handle. I will write about Charlie’s progress, and let you know if we find the criminals.
I hope we find them soon…
-Bella
Dear Diary (Back From Isle Esme) admin at February 21, 2009 : 9:06 pm --> Having speed, strength, immortality… it’s great. However, the simple things like being able to spend time at Isle Esme with Edward without him having to fear for my life, is the best feeling… ever.
This was our real honeymoon. Our chance to be together, without fear, without questions and without the pain of a half human half vampire child growing inside of me. It was the best honeymoon anyone could ask for.
“I cannot live without my life! I cannot die without my soul”
-Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
This was the quote Edward had inscribed onto the bracelet he had waiting for me at Isle Esme. He’s known for a long time about my inexplicable fascination with Wuthering Heights, and had without my knowing read the entire novel in an attempt to understand me better. He said this quote meant a lot to him, and reminded him of when he thought he had lost me when Nessie was growing at incredible speeds inside of me. He felt guilty, as if he was my killer, much like how Heathcliff felt about Catherine Earnshaw.
This bracelet means a lot to me. So much thought was put into it, and the fact that it means a lot to Edward makes it even more special. I wear it on the opposite wrist of the silver bracelet Jacob gave me with the tiny wooden wolf, which later was accompanied by a small heart shaped crystal from Edward.
It is made of white gold, and feels smooth in texture against my cold hard wrist. The quote is engraved along the front, and where it ends, the clasp for adjusting the bracelet begins. It’s really beautiful, almost as beautiful as Edward.
While at Isle Esme, Edward showed me how great it feels to be under the clear blue water with the ability to go without oxygen indefinitely. Everything under the water was so clear to me. Every grain of sand sparkled from a different direction as the sun beamed down into the water. Every bubble vanished just as fast at it came. Every creature had a different texture, clearly visible to me, even under water. It was incredible. Aside from swimming with the porpoises, we watched the sunset every single night and spent time in the small jungle. Everything was so vibrant. The colors on the parrots, the texture of their feathers, the green of the jungle, the suns rays beaming off the water. It was all so beautiful. I vaguely remember my first time at Isle Esme, and though it seemed beautiful… it was nothing like this.
I somehow feel selfish for the amount of closeness I got with Edward during our visit. Laying on the sand watching the sun set, twisted around him and feeling his lips press against the top of my head is the best feeling in the world. We spent countless hours laughing together, exploring the island, watching sappy movies, discussing our future together, and of course took advantage of our ability to be fearlessly intimate.
Kaure was there. The cleaning lady who is quite frankly petrified of Edward, who Edward believes is onto something. When she first saw me, she hastily mumbled a bunch of words I couldn’t understand, looked me up and down, then again… and again, and finally ran off once a single bead of sweat began to drip down the side of her face. I suspect she sees that I am different now. She suspects I am one of them.
When Edward and I returned back to Forks, we couldn’t wait to see Nessie. For the first time in my life, I understood why Charlie would get so excited to see me every summer, and why it hurt him so much to see me go back home after my visits with him. We missed Nessie so much and it hurt to be away form her. Aside from all of our fun, we are happy to be back with our family. Nessie updated us on her adventures with Jacob while Emmett interrupted to updated Edward on the baseball scores. Not surprisingly, Nessie grew a little more and seems smarter than we had left her. The rate at which she learns is astonishing to see.
Right now, Edward and I are growing more and more in love by the day. It’s funny how one day you truly believe you are as in love as you could possibly be. The thought of being more in love confuses you because you believe you’ve achieved the highest degree of love there is, only to discover the next day that you’ve fallen even deeper… somehow.
I am going to go to the meadow with Jacob, Nessie and Edward now. We all love to go out there and watch Nessie roam around and be free. She always wants to be there… she feels safe in the meadow. I will write again soon to keep you updated on our lives!
-Bella
This was our real honeymoon. Our chance to be together, without fear, without questions and without the pain of a half human half vampire child growing inside of me. It was the best honeymoon anyone could ask for.
“I cannot live without my life! I cannot die without my soul”
-Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
This was the quote Edward had inscribed onto the bracelet he had waiting for me at Isle Esme. He’s known for a long time about my inexplicable fascination with Wuthering Heights, and had without my knowing read the entire novel in an attempt to understand me better. He said this quote meant a lot to him, and reminded him of when he thought he had lost me when Nessie was growing at incredible speeds inside of me. He felt guilty, as if he was my killer, much like how Heathcliff felt about Catherine Earnshaw.
This bracelet means a lot to me. So much thought was put into it, and the fact that it means a lot to Edward makes it even more special. I wear it on the opposite wrist of the silver bracelet Jacob gave me with the tiny wooden wolf, which later was accompanied by a small heart shaped crystal from Edward.
It is made of white gold, and feels smooth in texture against my cold hard wrist. The quote is engraved along the front, and where it ends, the clasp for adjusting the bracelet begins. It’s really beautiful, almost as beautiful as Edward.
While at Isle Esme, Edward showed me how great it feels to be under the clear blue water with the ability to go without oxygen indefinitely. Everything under the water was so clear to me. Every grain of sand sparkled from a different direction as the sun beamed down into the water. Every bubble vanished just as fast at it came. Every creature had a different texture, clearly visible to me, even under water. It was incredible. Aside from swimming with the porpoises, we watched the sunset every single night and spent time in the small jungle. Everything was so vibrant. The colors on the parrots, the texture of their feathers, the green of the jungle, the suns rays beaming off the water. It was all so beautiful. I vaguely remember my first time at Isle Esme, and though it seemed beautiful… it was nothing like this.
I somehow feel selfish for the amount of closeness I got with Edward during our visit. Laying on the sand watching the sun set, twisted around him and feeling his lips press against the top of my head is the best feeling in the world. We spent countless hours laughing together, exploring the island, watching sappy movies, discussing our future together, and of course took advantage of our ability to be fearlessly intimate.
Kaure was there. The cleaning lady who is quite frankly petrified of Edward, who Edward believes is onto something. When she first saw me, she hastily mumbled a bunch of words I couldn’t understand, looked me up and down, then again… and again, and finally ran off once a single bead of sweat began to drip down the side of her face. I suspect she sees that I am different now. She suspects I am one of them.
When Edward and I returned back to Forks, we couldn’t wait to see Nessie. For the first time in my life, I understood why Charlie would get so excited to see me every summer, and why it hurt him so much to see me go back home after my visits with him. We missed Nessie so much and it hurt to be away form her. Aside from all of our fun, we are happy to be back with our family. Nessie updated us on her adventures with Jacob while Emmett interrupted to updated Edward on the baseball scores. Not surprisingly, Nessie grew a little more and seems smarter than we had left her. The rate at which she learns is astonishing to see.
Right now, Edward and I are growing more and more in love by the day. It’s funny how one day you truly believe you are as in love as you could possibly be. The thought of being more in love confuses you because you believe you’ve achieved the highest degree of love there is, only to discover the next day that you’ve fallen even deeper… somehow.
I am going to go to the meadow with Jacob, Nessie and Edward now. We all love to go out there and watch Nessie roam around and be free. She always wants to be there… she feels safe in the meadow. I will write again soon to keep you updated on our lives!
-Bella
Dear Diary (Packing) admin at February 13, 2009 : 11:12 pm --> Edward, Nessie and I spent the day with Charlie and Sue. Sue cooked a huge dinner, actually. We had insisted on coming over after dinner, and insisted… and insisted. They didn’t seem to want to take “no” for an answer however. Once there, we had to play it off like we had forgotten and already ate. That was odd. Something I’m getting somewhat used to though.
After dinner I helped Sue clean the table and dishes. She had accidentally bumped into me and had a shocked look on her face. I half smiled at her before she blurted out “Wow Bella, your body feels rock hard. Have you been working out?”
Great.
I told her I had been frequenting the local gym and that it was something Edward and I do together. Edward chimed in and said something about how he’s my personal trainer. Luckily she didn’t question any further.
When we got home, I started packing for Isle Esme. Edward and I are leaving tomorrow afternoon (Valentines Day) to begin our second honeymoon. Not everyone can say they have had a honeymoon as a mortal, and an immortal. I am more in love with Edward than ever before, and I never thought it was possible to be more in love. This honeymoon is going to be surreal, kinda like everything in my life has been, I guess. We don’t have to hide from anyone, Edward doesn’t have to be careful and we get to enjoy the beautiful Isle Esme all over again. One thing I haven’t tried yet since my “change” is swimming. I am more than excited to see how it feels. Watching Edward swim last time we were on the island made me feel a little envious.
I am going to go finish packing with Edward now. Alice brought over a bunch of things for me to wear while I’m there. Most of it extremely tiny and see through, but I’m a little more confident with my new self. I don’t mind.
I will write again soon. Thank you for reading!
-Bella
After dinner I helped Sue clean the table and dishes. She had accidentally bumped into me and had a shocked look on her face. I half smiled at her before she blurted out “Wow Bella, your body feels rock hard. Have you been working out?”
Great.
I told her I had been frequenting the local gym and that it was something Edward and I do together. Edward chimed in and said something about how he’s my personal trainer. Luckily she didn’t question any further.
When we got home, I started packing for Isle Esme. Edward and I are leaving tomorrow afternoon (Valentines Day) to begin our second honeymoon. Not everyone can say they have had a honeymoon as a mortal, and an immortal. I am more in love with Edward than ever before, and I never thought it was possible to be more in love. This honeymoon is going to be surreal, kinda like everything in my life has been, I guess. We don’t have to hide from anyone, Edward doesn’t have to be careful and we get to enjoy the beautiful Isle Esme all over again. One thing I haven’t tried yet since my “change” is swimming. I am more than excited to see how it feels. Watching Edward swim last time we were on the island made me feel a little envious.
I am going to go finish packing with Edward now. Alice brought over a bunch of things for me to wear while I’m there. Most of it extremely tiny and see through, but I’m a little more confident with my new self. I don’t mind.
I will write again soon. Thank you for reading!
-Bella
Dear Diary (Plans) admin at February 10, 2009 : 1:06 am --> The sun came out today. It doesn’t show it’s face too often here in Forks, and when it does we become hermits. It’s ok though, when you have a family like mine. I enjoy spending lots of time with them. We took Nessie to the meadow for a while. Jacob came. His jokes about vampires and glitter never seemed to end. Jacob tends to forget that when he morphs back into human form that he is often naked, so Edward and myself have a few jokes up our sleeves too. Edward thinks I’m “beautiful” when I sparkle. He no longer sees it as “the skin of a killer”. His love for me is unconditional, as my love for him is unconditional.
Edward and I are going to head over to Isle Esme for a couple of days. I crave being there. So many life changing things happened there. My memories are all too vague, and I want to go back to try and relive the experience, but in the right way. Edward and I are having a real honeymoon. Vampire and vampire. He can’t hurt me now, so he wont have to spend his entire time stressed and unable to enjoy himself. Plus, it’s hardly fair that I don’t really remember my honeymoon. I remember parts of it, mostly just the pain at the end though, when Nessie started to grow rapidly.
We’re not going to Isle Esme until Saturday afternoon. I will update you on the whole thing once I return! I’m going to sign off now and go lay in Edward’s arms, where I belong.
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Edward and I are going to head over to Isle Esme for a couple of days. I crave being there. So many life changing things happened there. My memories are all too vague, and I want to go back to try and relive the experience, but in the right way. Edward and I are having a real honeymoon. Vampire and vampire. He can’t hurt me now, so he wont have to spend his entire time stressed and unable to enjoy himself. Plus, it’s hardly fair that I don’t really remember my honeymoon. I remember parts of it, mostly just the pain at the end though, when Nessie started to grow rapidly.
We’re not going to Isle Esme until Saturday afternoon. I will update you on the whole thing once I return! I’m going to sign off now and go lay in Edward’s arms, where I belong.
Will write again soon.
-Bella.
Dear Diary (Answers) admin at February 6, 2009 : 11:13 pm -->
“Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”
-Edward Cullen
New Moon Chapter 23, Page 514
Edward and I had a long talk last night. We do that a lot. As I told you yesterday, Jacob had asked me some scary questions that made me think of things that I wasn’t quite ready to think about.
Last night after Nessie was asleep, I had asked Edward those same questions. “What would you do if I was ever destroyed?” and “what about Nessie?”
Edward has had to endure watching someone he cared about be destroyed in the past, but this is far more different.
As much as he also didn’t like the questions, he gave me my answer. Edward told me he loves Nessie and me more than anything he has ever loved, or will ever love. He also explained that he feels extremely grateful for Jacob. Jacob is always around, helping out with Nessie, spending time with her, watching her grow. Because Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee, he will protect her with everything he has in him, forever.
Edward summed up his response quite thoughtfully with a few sentences.
“Bella, I wouldn’t be alive if you were no longer with me. My pain would be unbearable. Renesmee would see that and it would cause her a great deal of pain as well. I never want to have to choose between my love and my child, and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I never have to. Everything. I would, however, have to leave with you and trust that Nessie is in good hands with Jacob. I couldn’t be without you. I can’t exist without my Bella.”
Edward kissed me after, and I could feel how powerful each and every one of his words were. I understood, too. We sat in silence for a few moments thinking. Though this was a hard topic to speak of, it is the human version of preparing a will. Not pleasant, but has to be done.
I will never cause Edward’s life to become a moonless night. I will never lead my family in the path of destruction. I love them too much. At times, being a newborn vampire can be difficult. I have a gift with controlling my thirst. It still scares me though, to not know what I am fully capable of. I do believe, however, that as long as I keep my family in mind that it’s all I’ll ever need to fully control my thirst. Love is the most powerful drug. As long as I have my shield, I will stretch it over my family, and keep them out of harms way. I’m no longer the klutzy, weak human I once complained of being. And, I’m no longer the weak human that had caused the Cullens to have to fight. First, with James, then Victoria and her newborns, and lastly, the Volturi.
I still worry about our life in Forks. I am perpetually afraid of people becoming suspicious of my new appearance, or discovering Nessie. Until Nessie reaches full growth, we can’t let her be seen around a lot. She grows too fast. People would know that something was… different.
I am happy though. Edward and I get to spend as much time together as we like. He doesn’t have to be gentle with me anymore, which is great for a lot of things. Lets just say, Nessie sleeps at Carlisle and Esmee’s house some nights, so she doesn’t get woken up. She happens to be sleeping there now. She had gotten sleepy tonight while we were visiting. She was watching the baseball game with Emmett, and fell asleep. We figured we could let her sleep there tonight and have our own “special” little night together.
Edward is waiting for me, and I’m craving the stare from his golden eyes, the taste of his smooth lips and the feel of my fingers through his golden hair. So, until tomorrow… goodnight!
-Bella
Dear Diary (Scary Questions) admin at February 5, 2009 : 11:46 pm --> As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses—that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live—I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.
-Bella Swan
Chapter 4, Page 116 (New Moon)
There was a point in time when I thought I had lost Edward forever. Though my heart no longer beats, I somehow still feel it tighten and almost shatter every time I think of a life without him.
Jacob ended up coming along on our hunting trip, and while Edward, Emmett and Rosalie were hunting, he asked me a question that caught me off guard. His question? “Bella, how would you deal with it if Edward were… destroyed?”
Jacob has a way with asking questions to things that I could never think of on my own. He makes me think of everything as a possibility. This question though, was like no other. When Edward had left me in the forest because he felt he was a danger to me, he took my life with him. He took my heart, he took everything except my body. That’s all he left, actually. A lifeless body. That’s all I became without him.
If Edward were destroyed, that would mean I would have to go on forever without him. It’s not the same as before. I am an immortal now. Unless I were also destroyed, I would have to face the world for eternity without my life, my world, my love. Suddenly Victoria’s face clouded my mind. She had lost her love, James, and had to exist thinking she would have to go on for eternity without him. I don’t pity Victoria, or James. I do, however, understand the excruciating pain that she would have had to endure forever if she had not of been destroyed.
I would have to be destroyed. I know I could not go on without Edward, especially now that I am an immortal. In fact, I might have second guessed my decision to be turned if I had thought about that when I was still a human. If I had thought of the fact that there is a possibility my love could be destroyed one day, and I would have to carry on without him. Losing Edward when I was human was more bearable than this thought. If I were human and he was destroyed, at least I wouldn’t have to exist forever without him.
Jacob wasn’t overly shocked when I told him I would be destroyed. A little upset, I could tell, but not shocked. Then, he asked an even tougher question. Again, reminding me of possibilities that had not even occurred to me. “What about Nessie?”
That’s right. My little Nudger. If I were destroyed, she wouldn’t have a mother, and I would never get to see her again. I love her. I love her just as much as I love Edward, just differently. It would be too selfish of me, to have myself destroyed and leave her for eternity with no father or mother. Selfish. That, I wasn’t. Suddenly, although already strong, I felt stronger. I felt protective. It occurred to me that I would find a way. Edward would want me to be with Nessie. Edward would want me to be happy. That’s all he has ever wanted for me. Suddenly my thoughts felt like they were in the spin cycle. Jacob was patiently waiting for answer, and all I could mutter was “no one will ever be destroyed, ever”. And, I believe it. I feel relieved when I think of how strong of a family we are. I know that as Cullens, we would never give anyone a reason to want to destroy us. Jacob liked how confident I was. It seemed to put him at ease, knowing I was so sure that no one was going anywhere. I felt happy, too. Also, I was glad Jacob asked me. Although it’s hard to think about, I need to be prepared for anything now. I have a family. A love, and a child. They are my life. I could never let anything happen to any of my family. Jacob included. He is technically family now.
When our hunting trip came to an end, I grabbed Edward and held on to him tighter than ever before. I needed to feel him close to me, after such heart shattering thoughts had been washing through my head. He kissed me softly on the top of my head and frowned a little. I showed him my thoughts. I wanted him to know about the questions Jacob asked. I wanted him to see how much it perturbed me to think such thoughts. Edward has had a longer time to think of these things. The thought had already occurred to him, I could tell by his knowing expression. I plan to ask him later on after Nessie goes to sleep what his reaction would be if I were destroyed. I will let you know what he tells me.
For now though, I am going to go watch Edward sing to Nessie again. He’s writing her a lullaby. It’s a surprise for her. Once Renesmee’s lullaby is complete, I will post it for you all to hear.
Thank you for reading.
-Bella
-Bella Swan
Chapter 4, Page 116 (New Moon)
There was a point in time when I thought I had lost Edward forever. Though my heart no longer beats, I somehow still feel it tighten and almost shatter every time I think of a life without him.
Jacob ended up coming along on our hunting trip, and while Edward, Emmett and Rosalie were hunting, he asked me a question that caught me off guard. His question? “Bella, how would you deal with it if Edward were… destroyed?”
Jacob has a way with asking questions to things that I could never think of on my own. He makes me think of everything as a possibility. This question though, was like no other. When Edward had left me in the forest because he felt he was a danger to me, he took my life with him. He took my heart, he took everything except my body. That’s all he left, actually. A lifeless body. That’s all I became without him.
If Edward were destroyed, that would mean I would have to go on forever without him. It’s not the same as before. I am an immortal now. Unless I were also destroyed, I would have to face the world for eternity without my life, my world, my love. Suddenly Victoria’s face clouded my mind. She had lost her love, James, and had to exist thinking she would have to go on for eternity without him. I don’t pity Victoria, or James. I do, however, understand the excruciating pain that she would have had to endure forever if she had not of been destroyed.
I would have to be destroyed. I know I could not go on without Edward, especially now that I am an immortal. In fact, I might have second guessed my decision to be turned if I had thought about that when I was still a human. If I had thought of the fact that there is a possibility my love could be destroyed one day, and I would have to carry on without him. Losing Edward when I was human was more bearable than this thought. If I were human and he was destroyed, at least I wouldn’t have to exist forever without him.
Jacob wasn’t overly shocked when I told him I would be destroyed. A little upset, I could tell, but not shocked. Then, he asked an even tougher question. Again, reminding me of possibilities that had not even occurred to me. “What about Nessie?”
That’s right. My little Nudger. If I were destroyed, she wouldn’t have a mother, and I would never get to see her again. I love her. I love her just as much as I love Edward, just differently. It would be too selfish of me, to have myself destroyed and leave her for eternity with no father or mother. Selfish. That, I wasn’t. Suddenly, although already strong, I felt stronger. I felt protective. It occurred to me that I would find a way. Edward would want me to be with Nessie. Edward would want me to be happy. That’s all he has ever wanted for me. Suddenly my thoughts felt like they were in the spin cycle. Jacob was patiently waiting for answer, and all I could mutter was “no one will ever be destroyed, ever”. And, I believe it. I feel relieved when I think of how strong of a family we are. I know that as Cullens, we would never give anyone a reason to want to destroy us. Jacob liked how confident I was. It seemed to put him at ease, knowing I was so sure that no one was going anywhere. I felt happy, too. Also, I was glad Jacob asked me. Although it’s hard to think about, I need to be prepared for anything now. I have a family. A love, and a child. They are my life. I could never let anything happen to any of my family. Jacob included. He is technically family now.
When our hunting trip came to an end, I grabbed Edward and held on to him tighter than ever before. I needed to feel him close to me, after such heart shattering thoughts had been washing through my head. He kissed me softly on the top of my head and frowned a little. I showed him my thoughts. I wanted him to know about the questions Jacob asked. I wanted him to see how much it perturbed me to think such thoughts. Edward has had a longer time to think of these things. The thought had already occurred to him, I could tell by his knowing expression. I plan to ask him later on after Nessie goes to sleep what his reaction would be if I were destroyed. I will let you know what he tells me.
For now though, I am going to go watch Edward sing to Nessie again. He’s writing her a lullaby. It’s a surprise for her. Once Renesmee’s lullaby is complete, I will post it for you all to hear.
Thank you for reading.
-Bella
Dear Diary (My Surprise) admin at February 4, 2009 : 1:23 am --> Remember my 1953 Chevrolet pickup truck? The one Charlie bought for me from Billy Black when I moved to Forks? Well, if you’ve been following my story, you would know that Edward purchased me an “after car”, for when I was turned. It’s a beautiful car. It’s fast, too. Different from my old pickup truck, to say the least. It’s a Ferrari F430. Nice to look at, but Edward always knew I missed my old pickup truck. It’s been parked on Charlie’s lawn for the longest time. To my disappointment, it stopped running. I thought I’d never get to drive it again, that is until Edward surprised me with it today.
It’s not exactly the same as before, though. It’s faster, stronger, has a polished exterior. Reminds me of myself now, oddly. Edward compared the old version of my truck to the human version of myself. It was strong, yet so fragile at the same time. It was rusty, kinda how I was on my feet. And, it was constantly on the verge of dying, only to be made into something faster, stronger and more beautiful, also like me.
Edward redoing my truck is symbolic of the new me. It’s paint is glossy and sparkles in the sunlight, it drives fast, it’s strong, runs quietly and most of all, it’s still the same truck, just like I’m still the same Bella. Besides Nessie, this has to be the best surprise I have ever received in my life. Edward knows how much I love my truck, and he wants me to preserve a lot of my human qualities. The qualities that along with my scent, made him fall in love with me.
Charlie and Jacob were in on it too. They helped Edward with ideas. Such as Charlie’s idea to put tires on it strong enough to trek through quick sand, for my safety of course. Charlie still worries about me. He has no idea of my strength, speed or, well… that I am his vampire daughter.
I am so very happy to have this part of me back. It brings back very vague memories of my first day at Forks High School. Thinking I was going to be miserable and depressed during my entire time here. Wishing the rain would just dry up and the sun would shine like in Phoenix. And most importantly, wondering who the beautiful golden haired boy was who took my breathe away. Now, I no longer have to wonder. He is my life, and I am his.
Rosalie, Emmett, Edward and I are going hunting tomorrow. Nessie is going to stay with Esme and Carlisle when we’re gone. They love spending time with her.
Well, I think I’ve completed a successful diary entry for tonight. I’m going to go have some “bonding” time with Edward while Renesmee is asleep. I’ll be sure to write again tomorrow.
-Bella
Dear Diary (Human Emotions) admin at February 2, 2009 : 11:30 pm --> From time to time, human emotions encapsulate me. If it weren’t for Zafrina, my friend from the Amazonian Coven, I don’t know if I’d be able to show Edward those emotions. She helped me realize my capabilities, and taught me to use them to my full potential. He loves it though, when I do let him in. Somehow however, I think he’s quite happy not knowing everything. It’s foreign to him, exciting. I guess it keeps him wondering, which isn’t something Edward is used to. Mostly, I’ve used this capability to show Edward how deeply, truthfully and overwhelmingly exultant I am to be a part of his world. A world I once never understood. A world that is mine now, forever.
I’ve brought Renesmee to see Zafrina as I promised. Zafrina adores our little Nessie, almost as much as Jacob does. Zafrina gets a kick out of seeing Nessie’s thoughts, especially when she sees how prominent Jacob is in all of them. Although she will never completely understand Jacob’s imprinting on Nessie, she sees that when those two are together, they bring smiles to each others faces. Edward sees this as well, and he is very grateful for the protection Jacob offers his little nudger.
When Jacob isn’t visiting Nessie, he is in La Push, back in his Dad Billy’s house. Billy is happy to have him back there. Everything is Jacob’s life has changed drastically, too. I mean, becoming a werewolf, fighting off vampires in defense of other vampires, imprinting on a half vampire half human, and finally being able to be present in the same room as Edward without wanting to tear the paint off the walls, is a fair amount to deal with to say the least. He’s happy now though. Peaceful. Most importantly, he still looks at me as Bella. The same girl he used to make mud pies with when we were little. I still see my self the same way too. I mean, apart from the speed, incredible strength, inhuman beauty, shield and of course immortality. You get the point, though.
I am going to sign off for now. I will write again tomorrow. Edward told me today that he has a “BIG SURPRISE” for me. He’s full of surprises. I will write all about it tomorrow. Wish me luck, you know how weird I get when it comes to surprises.
-Bella
I’ve brought Renesmee to see Zafrina as I promised. Zafrina adores our little Nessie, almost as much as Jacob does. Zafrina gets a kick out of seeing Nessie’s thoughts, especially when she sees how prominent Jacob is in all of them. Although she will never completely understand Jacob’s imprinting on Nessie, she sees that when those two are together, they bring smiles to each others faces. Edward sees this as well, and he is very grateful for the protection Jacob offers his little nudger.
When Jacob isn’t visiting Nessie, he is in La Push, back in his Dad Billy’s house. Billy is happy to have him back there. Everything is Jacob’s life has changed drastically, too. I mean, becoming a werewolf, fighting off vampires in defense of other vampires, imprinting on a half vampire half human, and finally being able to be present in the same room as Edward without wanting to tear the paint off the walls, is a fair amount to deal with to say the least. He’s happy now though. Peaceful. Most importantly, he still looks at me as Bella. The same girl he used to make mud pies with when we were little. I still see my self the same way too. I mean, apart from the speed, incredible strength, inhuman beauty, shield and of course immortality. You get the point, though.
I am going to sign off for now. I will write again tomorrow. Edward told me today that he has a “BIG SURPRISE” for me. He’s full of surprises. I will write all about it tomorrow. Wish me luck, you know how weird I get when it comes to surprises.
-Bella
Dear Diary (My First Entry) admin at February 1, 2009 : 10:03 pm --> And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.
-Juliet
Romeo And Juliet.
I had written this quote down in an old diary I brought with me to Forks. I scribbled hearts around it while thinking of his pale porcelain face. I knew nothing of him then. Nothing of his immortality, strength, speed or how dangerous he was. All I knew then, was that he was the most beautiful being I’ve even seen. Actually, “beautiful” isn’t a strong enough word as it is described in the dictionary as:
beau·ti·ful
adj. 1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight. 2. Excellent; wonderful. Edward is more than this. To this day, I’ve never been able to think of a great enough word to describe him. He’s pulled at my now lifeless heart strings since the first time I laid eyes on him. Now, I see some of those indescribable qualities in myself, too. And, in mine and Edward’s daughter, Renesmee “Nessie” Carlie Cullen. To say my life has changed “drastically” since moving to Forks, Washington is the understatement of a lifetime. My life, in all it’s immortal glory isn’t the only thing that has changed. My appearance has also become distinct. When I used to look in the mirror I’d see a soft, plain, pale looking, brown eyed girl looking back at me. Now, I see a porcelain skinned, red eyed, strong, beautiful… vampire. I’m still not used to saying that. I doubt I ever will be, and for me eternity is a long time to not be used to something. One thing I am happy I won’t have to get “used” to, is my crimson eyes. They are slowly changing, falling into a golden brown color with tinges of red. I’ve stopped wearing my contacts around Charlie, and Sue - Charlie’s partner. Alice sees great things happening between them. It makes me happy to know Charlie isn’t lonely. They still don’t ask questions, and I still don’t offer any information. After watching Jacob transform into a wolf, Charlie has become aware of the fact that there’s something very strange happening. However, he also knows no one would ever hurt him. Sometimes I go back to his house in the middle of the night to check on him. I crawl through my old window and go into his room to usually find him dreaming of something either fishing or work related. I miss him. I miss a lot of things. I’ll never have to miss Edward though. Jacob comes to visit Renesmee often. A little too often, but I am understanding more and more. She’s growing so very fast, and he wants to be there to see everything. She often shows Edward and I that she loves Jacob. She looks at him like a best friend or brother. I’ll always be grateful for Jacob and his bravery when the Volturi came. I was thankful to have him there, to run with Renesmee in case the Volturi decided to fight. I’ve always been grateful for Jacob, for always being there. Always. I am going to sign off now. Edward and I are going to go sing Renesmee to sleep. Well, Edward is going to. I can’t sing. But, I watch. I love watching my two angels . The two loves of my life. Forever.
-Bella
-Juliet
Romeo And Juliet.
I had written this quote down in an old diary I brought with me to Forks. I scribbled hearts around it while thinking of his pale porcelain face. I knew nothing of him then. Nothing of his immortality, strength, speed or how dangerous he was. All I knew then, was that he was the most beautiful being I’ve even seen. Actually, “beautiful” isn’t a strong enough word as it is described in the dictionary as:
beau·ti·ful
adj. 1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight. 2. Excellent; wonderful. Edward is more than this. To this day, I’ve never been able to think of a great enough word to describe him. He’s pulled at my now lifeless heart strings since the first time I laid eyes on him. Now, I see some of those indescribable qualities in myself, too. And, in mine and Edward’s daughter, Renesmee “Nessie” Carlie Cullen. To say my life has changed “drastically” since moving to Forks, Washington is the understatement of a lifetime. My life, in all it’s immortal glory isn’t the only thing that has changed. My appearance has also become distinct. When I used to look in the mirror I’d see a soft, plain, pale looking, brown eyed girl looking back at me. Now, I see a porcelain skinned, red eyed, strong, beautiful… vampire. I’m still not used to saying that. I doubt I ever will be, and for me eternity is a long time to not be used to something. One thing I am happy I won’t have to get “used” to, is my crimson eyes. They are slowly changing, falling into a golden brown color with tinges of red. I’ve stopped wearing my contacts around Charlie, and Sue - Charlie’s partner. Alice sees great things happening between them. It makes me happy to know Charlie isn’t lonely. They still don’t ask questions, and I still don’t offer any information. After watching Jacob transform into a wolf, Charlie has become aware of the fact that there’s something very strange happening. However, he also knows no one would ever hurt him. Sometimes I go back to his house in the middle of the night to check on him. I crawl through my old window and go into his room to usually find him dreaming of something either fishing or work related. I miss him. I miss a lot of things. I’ll never have to miss Edward though. Jacob comes to visit Renesmee often. A little too often, but I am understanding more and more. She’s growing so very fast, and he wants to be there to see everything. She often shows Edward and I that she loves Jacob. She looks at him like a best friend or brother. I’ll always be grateful for Jacob and his bravery when the Volturi came. I was thankful to have him there, to run with Renesmee in case the Volturi decided to fight. I’ve always been grateful for Jacob, for always being there. Always. I am going to sign off now. Edward and I are going to go sing Renesmee to sleep. Well, Edward is going to. I can’t sing. But, I watch. I love watching my two angels . The two loves of my life. Forever.
-Bella
